LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

100% of the men who age, will physic change, Their belts will ride down low, in a below the belly range, As their bones shrink smaller, Youn...

I cannot get any helium, to put in my big, beautiful balloon, If I can't find some helium, I am going to be unhappy, soon, I went to the...

I went to the cemetery to visit Uncle Joe, His tiny headstone was all covered with new fallen snow, Both of my hands were gloved, One gave t...

I went to the local grocery store to buy some food for lunch, I bought a pack of spaghetti, because to eat I have to crunch, I use to have a...

My trumpet notes are really flat, Since my brother beat it with a bat, He beat my oboe on the floor, And slammed my trombone in ma's tru...

I did not notice his mass food intake, At my deceased ma's memorial wake, He ate it all, My Uncle Paul, The pie, the doughnuts and the c...

I fried up a big greasy pan, full of chicken skins, My neighborhood loves them, all my dear kiths, and my kins, I fried many more than befor...

My Easter, holiday,  dinner ham, came from a one pound can, The only invite to my dinner, was my cousin, Dim Dan, We had squash, buttercup, ...

There was an obese hominid, living in my maple tree, He said that I was his uncle, he then called me, Uncle Lee, I said, "that can'...

My awful in-laws have eaten all the worms in my pail, I needed the worms to go fishing, to catch me a whale, It just is not funny, Those wor...

Zodie had a temper, she'd get mad and start crushing bugs, Sister Cindy was so nice, she spent all day giving puppies hugs, Sister Zodie...

My new potable flowers came in the mail, I planted them deep, on my walk, in a pail, They were lots of pretty, Prettied my trashy city, Then...

I fought a mind war with checkers, against my natural foe, He was my crazy sister's new boyfriend, and his name was Beau, Beau took the ...

Christmas is all over, and I am giving Uncle Jake a golden star, He did not try to run us over in his Lincoln Continental car, I took away h...

Every holiday it's not surprising,🙄 With all the family tensions rising,😡 After all our nasties are said,🙊 We sit down and break brea...

They might be a complete stranger, They might be your kith and your kin, The only one that thinks just like you do, Is the person that's...

It was a very bitter tweet, That I received for my deceit, I told grandma, I had soar feet, So I couldn't stop by, for sup to eat, My ra...

Parker liked eating possum, He baked it in his pie, Parker liked his possum sandwiches, On whole wheat bread, never rye, Parker had the hicc...

My family came over for dinner and hugs, I love them so much, in their food I put bugs, With a heave and and ho, To my bathroom they go,  I ...

It was the night before Christmas and I just found my mouse, I had searched and I searched all over the house, I had e-mails to send, ...