LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

The family wanted me to treat, By paying for a burger-fries eat, But they are full of vicious deceit, They never can lift the toilet seat, S...

I bought four used tires for my Chevy pickup truck, My neighbor had a nail gun, so I was out of luck, The neighbor punctured each tire, Set ...

I am a program for AI, and I am very smart, That's why people put me in their online, digital cart, If your payment method is true, I wi...

Trina got some brand new, pink shoes that fit her tiny, little feet, Mom packed Trina a sack lunch, so she could stuff her small face and ea...

Tammy let everyone know that she was a G.O.A.T The greatest of all time, at sailing a sailing boat, Her jealous brother, Doug, Pulled her bi...

I would very often get a wallop, alongside my head, It's the Winky family language, no words are ever said, All is quiet as a cold, dead...

I took some local art classes, and what did I find? The other students were critics, and they were unkind, I complained to the teacher, She ...

Mommy made Santa fine pork chops, for the Eve before Christmas day, I thought fat Santa didn't need pork chops, so I stole them all away...

I had a hound dog, my pa named him Clyde, Clyde took off running from the farm, to hide, Clyde tangled with Moose, Our goose that got loose,...

Ignorance is what I practice, every single day, Ignorance is my happy place, and that's the place I stay, For those who are smarty, I...

I keep a large chamber full of tormented, lost souls, Brought to me by the little, cemetery ground moles, Many departed are crying, They are...

In the Michigan city, called Battle Creek, I went to a thrift store and bought an antique, A cute porcelain bear, With ginger colored hair, ...

Darren had a hackey sack, that he kicked around all day, Then along came Jimmy, who kicked the hackey sack away, Because of Jimmy's bad,...

The bigger they are, the more they have gall, Those wide, and heavy, and overly tall, My arm cannot reach, To touch them, to teach, One slap...

I went to the to The Two Bird Bar, Somebody keyed my new sporty car, When I came outside, I cried and I cried, The mean patrons went hardy, ...

Because of my horrible neighbor, Pat, My four car tires went completely flat, He took a long, steely nail, Gave each tire an impale, Now I c...

I went to the carnival and the carnies were there, They were all really nice, except their pet bear,  The bear had little charm, He bit off ...

My dog Gerty likes to dig a big hole, Hunting for the vicious, underground mole, She plays at catch and release, Leaves the dirt diggers in ...

I got a basket full of chocolate eggs, marshmallow peeps and jelly beans, I've never seen so much candy, it was like a basket for kings ...

I went swimming with the turtles, and what did I find? Turtles like to snap toes off, which left me in a bind, I would have drowned that day...