LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

My meals consist mostly of just seeds and found bones, When I chew the bones I make funny crunching tones, I dream to eat stake, But, no mon...

When my buddy has been eating tuna, he has a tell, His breath has a nasty, pungent type of exhaust, to smell, My buddy's breath makes ey...

I use to eat chicken tacos, but I will not eat them anymore, I can't afford chicken tacos, because of high prices at the store, My finan...

I bought two tubs of tuna, and found one stinky, rotten, yesterday, I had left it in the basement, about 16 months ago, I'd say, The oth...

I like to add pineapple juice to my tuna cuisine of fish, I add a dap of lemon, and some sugar to my tasty dish, I add the sweetest pickle r...

I thought I was eating some really fine, stringy noodles, Turns out, I was slurping the hairs of my little poodles, I didn't have a hunc...

I had some greasy fried chicken delivered to my door, It was good, so I ordered greasy fried chicken, once more, Raunchy, spoiled was that c...

I opened my refrigerator, and maggots were eating my beef roast, J wondered how the maggots tasted, so I ate some on my buttered toast, They...

I am a little hominid, and I need something to eat, I burn a lot of calories, standing on my hind, two feet, I love bacon and eggs, Maybe, f...

I found a whole pizza, but it was up in the trees, Don't know how it got there, but there was a steady breeze, It took me quite a bit, B...

I raised me some beautiful guppies to sell at the farm fair, People looked into my guppy jug, and saw no guppies there, It seems someone...

I opened a store to sell people a quick lunch, I sold cake, sandwiches and ice cold lemon punch, It was downtown Kalkaska, Not the one in Ne...

A small space shuttle landed in front of Freddy, The craft landed behind the old crab apple tree, Two little green creatures, Who had no fac...

I made me a burger but it was a food fail, When I bit into the meat I found a toenail,  Couldn't tell from which creature, Came the unsi...

I caught buckets full of Vonny fish, with bonnets on their heads,  They taste great on a sandwich, made with pumpernickel breads, Then with ...

I eat mostly the legs off chicken, I eat down to the bones, where I find slim pickin, I drink applesauce, Till I'm sick and toss, Bird a...

I got me an old hen, but I ain't got no corn, So my Cornish hen, I cannot fully adorn, I got some chickpeas, And some salt from the seas...

Little Three Beans loved his salty, sippy soups, He use to love salads, but they gave him poops, Three Beans never eats meats, Because they ...

My bagel had no cream cheese, so I put up a fuss, The diner said they had no cream cheese, because it turned to pus, I felt a shame, Putting...

I fired up my old rusty gas grill, Thought for the holiday I'd cook up a thrill, I cooked burgers and wieners, For my juveniles an...