LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Vivian, the immortal vampire, who lives next door, Used his fangs, drank my blood, now my neck has a big, fang, sore, I stabbed him with a s...

My beautiful, brand new sailboat was seven meters long, I named her after a punk band, The Seven Meters Song, Because of bourbon and tea, I ...

Jimmy Thirty-five toes does not dress up for Halloween, Jimmy goes barefoot, so his many toesies can be seen, Jimmy definitely knows, As his...

My old burn barrel got way out of control, Burning the woods down was never my real goal, And Bigfoot got real mad, And he made me real sad,...

There's a crawlspace underneath the old, stone barn, Something bad lives there, and if it gets you, Darn! It has sharp, smelly claws, Bi...

My doctor told me I was a werewolf, and there is nothing he can do, Forever, I'll be howling at the moon, whenever it is full or new, I ...

I was out in my garden, sitting in my summer seat, Waiting for the werewolf, for he was coming for his meat, I heard a crackling in the wood...

Jimmy the werewolf eats only toes off of feet, His diet is strictly eating toe meat, He loves chewing toe bone, If it hurts, just make a lou...

An atomic bomb fell on my bat shed, The bomb went off then my bats were dead, But under some melting rubber tires, Some bats became vampires...

There was an old witch who lived up on the hill, Every fall, all the pretty flowers they'd kill, Then when the plants were all bare, Col...

I found the Loch Ness monster, swimming in Saginaw Bay, I don't know how she got there, but her wake near swamped the quay, Nessie reall...

As to my radiator that died on the road, I won't write a soliloquy, or even an ode, Although I was demanding, I didn't deserve stran...

Seven brain hungry zombies followed me home, I used a rock and cracked three of them in the dome, I defeated three with a stick, They don...

Jimmy gave Joe some breath mints, and insisted Joe should take them soon, Because werewolves were attracted to bad breath, and it was a full...

I've been eating dear meat since I was Born,🍔 Today I got hankering for the Unicorn,🦄 I went unicorn hunting,🏹 Found a big one was gr...