LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I went into the woods hunting for bear, But, a Bigfoot had already been there, He ate all the bears, Except, for some hairs, And then, t...

Brother Eldon had two little feet, and they were white as snow, And, everywhere that Eldon went, his snow white feet would go, One cold day,...

Jimmy thought education was king,  He was sure great riches it'd bring, But, after eight years of college, And vast quantities of kno...

Ninety-nine minnows swam way out to sea, Then along came a shark, and then there were three, Out of those ninety-nine minnows, three swam ...

I went to the market and bought me some trout, I didn't cook it enough and had a belly-ache bout, I will never, ever eat fish, Even, ...

I had a jubilant green dragon, named Dick, He would guzzle colas until he got sick, Dick.vowed to give up the drink, While puking in the cle...

He spends his nights and days, sitting around on his sitter, Doomscrolling social media, like Facebook and Twitter, He will never have a rea...

I spent my Christmas morning, hand feeding red apples to the deer, I petted every single deer, showing them they need not fear, My next door...

What happened to the animals in the zoo? When they closed the old zoo, some animals flew, Other animals, it's said, Became a stew, for d...

I tried securing a date with the tastiest scones, I recited poetry in soft monotones, But, my lady chose another, In fact, he was my brot...

There once was a story teller, named Jerry, In his brain, many stories he would carry, Jerry lost part of his brain, From a falling candy ca...

I went to Chum's Corners to have a night out, I stopped into the gas station to see what it was about, I bought a slice of pizza an...

I went shopping for bargains at the bargain store, But, when I wanted a bargain I ended up paying more, I went consumer empowered, But, w...

I was a little chipmunk, and I got chased up a tree, A big growling cougar cat was really hungry for me, I climbed to the sky, But, I could ...

Ninety-nine minnows lived in the thick weeds, They liked the dense foliage for their safety needs, But, a swordfish named Rege, Cut down ...

I dreamt I had big turkey feet, And a drumstick for a leg, I dreamt I had two turkey wings, And I yearned to lay an egg, I dreamt I was...

I chipped some flint to make some fire, I made a few sparks, but my arms started to tire, So, I took out a match, Struck a flame that...

Every holiday it's not surprising,🙄 With all the family tensions rising,😡 After all our nasties are said,🙊 We sit down and break brea...

I walked down the highway to get me a thrill, To find me some roadkill to cook on my grill, In the far lane I found meat, But, my que...

Alexa told me quite the informative story, She said my limericks were frightfully gory, Alexa told me to be very nice, Write of candy canes ...