LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I built me a lean-to, leaning into a big oak tree, I used big pieces of metal, I picked them up for free, A big fire makes it warm, There is...

Jimmy sold his red blood to buy some toilet paper, that's how bad things are, Jimmy lost his cheap apartment, and sleeps with snakes in ...

During the winter storm, three little bears got lost in the woods, When they broke into my cabin, and ate all my pantry goods, When I went t...

I built a tiny blue house; it was way, way up on a hill, I could afford only one window, and just one windowsill,  I enjoyed my new hut, I c...

Jimmy the itty, bitty lizard is so sad, you see, He lives alone in my restored, antique cabinetry, He eats spiders and fruit flies, Turns th...

After over snacking, all evening, on prunes or plums, Tension filled guests, waited in a line, to empty their tums, The pipes took in litera...

I cannot afford Halloween candy, I for sure,  can't afford Christmas brandy, Thanksgiving?  I won't eat, Can't afford bread or m...

There be a clan of fairies, who live down by the bog, They buzz around my head, in nights pitch thick, with blue fog, They have pulled out m...

I water and water all my house plants, but they all seem to die, With all the tap water I give them, they're sop and wet, never dry, My ...

It was sad when my septic eruption, fouled all my breathable air, My memorial stone stated that I died from, "nose toxic despair",...

Last night, I left my clothes on the bedroom floor, and they loaded up with bugs, This morning, I spread the bugs to the family, when I gave...

I gathered up my jumpy dog, and locked down my crumbling hovel, We walked down to the sandy beach, with my toy plastic pail and shovel, Buil...

My home schooling mommy, said I was doing my participle, all wrong, Mommy did not say what the problem was, she just banged my tin, toy gong...

I drove over to the big box grocery store, and what's up? I can't afford a meager breakfast, lite lunch, or simple sup, I'll lay...

My uncle built his beautiful home, out of forest, wattle wood, It took my uncle nearly 10 years, because he wattled it good, In a summer sto...

I took a great idea, and  brought it to power, I set a chair inside, my big bathroom shower, It's like a washing machine, You get a full...

I like to eat a little pineapple, it helps me digest my pills, I also take an antacid, because the acidic fruit juice,  kills, I whiten my t...

An enormous, windbag thunderstorm is blowing in, I must protect the roof on my trailer; it is tin, I will rope the roof to the ground, Crawl...

The meal I made had become weaponized, The kids were fighting each other with fries, Surrounded by missile booms, I sent all kids to their r...

Murray ate everything, because he was a goat, That is how Murray got a fur ball, stuck in his throat, Murray had eaten a straw hat, The hat ...