LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Bob was sleeping all quiet, in his warm bed upstairs, When he awoke hearing footsteps of three, great big bears, When they entered his bedro...

I was hungry for peaches, so I went to the grocery store, The store didn't have any peaches, because they were needed for war, I did not...

I thought of eating pears, about mid-week, So, it was off to the store, to pear seek, Well, seekers beware, There were no pears there, I hea...

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased, Now Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased, His servants offered him fruits,...

The last boy to sell bananas, sold them on the main city street, He made money selling bananas, because they are good to eat, He stole them ...

Bananas grow bigger in the great, Michigan, The skins are dark.yellow, and the meat kind of tan, They thrive in cold or heat, Raw ones are t...

There was a big, silly gopher, named Terry, He could not pass any red, ripe strawberry, Terry would take a bite, Which gave Terry delight, B...

I baked some strawberry-rhubarb pie, Instead of wheat flour, I subed rye, Rye is more healthy, you know, Rye helps bowels open, and flow, On...

I bought some market rhubarb, and black cherries, too, They were a bit rotten, so I cooked them as stew, I served it for dinner, bringing ev...

I walked down to the berry store, on one sunny day, I needed fresh cranberries to spruce up my souffle, They were out of cranberries, I boug...

I moved to a parallel universe, and the creatures there were leeches, The only food that I could find there, were the leeches and jar-canned...

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe, The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe, That's the las...

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me, They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree, As winter ...

My overgrown, deep reddish, raspberry vine, Dug its sticky prickers, deep into my spine, They stuck me so deep, They bled me to sleep, I now...

Big Denny fell down out of a coconut tree, Then got buried by tree nuts, and stung by a bee, Some runny coconut milk, Stained Denny's  s...

I went to a flea market in Saginaw Michigan, to buy me some wooden pears, They had wooden pears in all colors and sizes, sorted in baskets o...

I just picked a little tiny, brown nut, From a tree growing over my shack-hut, Oh, Glory bee, The nut was free, The excitement ended my dail...

I was a little red raspberry, a raspberry I was, I started getting somewhat rotten, and grew a little fuzz, Someone wanted me for sup, So th...

Frank picked little red strawberries, and put them in his bowl, Before he set each berry down, Frank kissed them with his soul, The berries ...

I opened a can of applesauce, and found a little frog, The frog was cooked and mummified, sitting in a saucy bog, I did not at all hesitate,...