LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Food prices have gotten really high, so I bought a clearance piece of pork, It was very slimy and stunk, but when cooked it had the texture ...

I go out to the old, bright, red barn, and I find a dead chicken, The dead chicken is bloated, half rotted, I eat him, I sicken, I take a bi...

I ordered some tuna fish, online, I opened the can and it smelled fine, I ate it and drank homemade red wine, I got gassy bubbles, a bad sig...

I had some blue, cooked and canned tuna, and it tasted so bad, Worse than that green venison, I ate so often, as a lad, I could not keep eit...

All I had was a bottle of glue, Some tuna that had turned green and blue, Some bug that had warts, Little twigs of all sorts, And that's...

Sammy ate pork sausage not quite done, He ate it anyway because he had to run, But it was not funny, When the pork came out runny, While Sam...

My cash reserves were pretty lean, My bank account was empty, clean, I took cornmeal and made some porridge,  The cornmeal came from long te...

My scrambled eggs ain't pretty, They are mostly grits and gritty, When you barf, you'll have my pity, Then, you'll complain on F...

I found a fish up on the shore, Maybe he once flopped but, he did not flop anymore, So, I fried him in a vat, Greased him up with baco...

Donny's Christmas cookies tasted like a toilet that would not flush, Donny said that all complainers should just shut their traps and hu...