LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I was once a great opera star, and I sang Figaro, After decades, I could sing the high notes, but couldn't go down low, Before I retired...

When I was admired as a scholar, I never made one single whole dollar, My mind was prepared, Yet, nobody cared, I'm paid to walk dogs le...

I once wrote a romantic, gothic novel; it never saw the light of day, I sent it to a publisher, he shredded my work, and sent it back, my wa...

It took me a total of 6-7 days, To find a local job, that in real money, pays, Down at the local sand beach, I'm now called, "volle...

The little squirrel had a nut that had grown, so very big, He had to cut off his cable, and his bad habit, the cig, He didn't buy new sh...

I use to have a store job, and  work daily, but got laid off from the store, The owner said, he could not buy stuff to sell at a profit, any...

Apple Fritters Monday is how the usual morning, work week starts, Apple fritters are sweet and greasy, full of sour, fruity tart, tarts, Fri...

The economy is in the sewer, not the gutter, I sold all my golf clubs, including my office putter, To have rent that's nearly free, I mo...

I finally got me some paying work, I'm head cook at a restaurant called, Jerk, We serve only jerky, In our sauce called, murky, We serve...

I told my boss, I was living in a simulation, To heal and get real, I needed a nice long vacation, He gave neither a laugh, nor smile, Told ...

Uncle Lee scraped up all the gum, that people had chewed, People left gum all over, and in places, so rude, But, it gave Lee a paying job, T...

To work, I wore my brand new paisley suit, That very day, my boss gave me the boot, He said never come back, It was a permanent sack, "...

My boss kicked me hard, down the unemployment path, Because my employer required I do math, But not too long out the door, I got work moping...

Marko is very bitter, Since he's been banned from Twitter, A down toilet seat omiter, His hair is all green glitter, He is a doggy sitte...

Claudius the clown, was a very, very stupid man, He could not learn to tie his shoes, nor open a Spam can, It was said, Claudius the clown, ...

At work Steve always wore a mask, Even to do a simple task, His workmate, Punk, Smelled worse than skunk, In wretched aromas, Punk did bask.

Monday morning I am soar, I am tired and could sleep some more, I was a weekend rowdy, My mind is still cloudy, I can't remember how to ...

It was often, almost never said, That anyone worked as slow as our Fred, He worked so slow, Didn't start or go, But he'd smile, when...

I have a little pet, named Gerbil Jones, I let him chew on all the chicken bones, When he turned five and twenty, I figured I fed him plenty...

Jim's French perfume had gone all skunky, It smelled worse than the pee of his pet monkey, Jim was due for an appointment, And had no un...