LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Santa went walking one night, and met a snow monster, and she was pretty, The snow monster came up north, because the snow had melted in the...

I left a chicken sandwich out for Santa, but the chicken was tainted, While driving, Santa's stomach started growling, and Santa almost ...

I went begging for food at Santa's house, and Santa gave me a job, He said I had to work to eat, and I should stop being a begging slob,...

Where does Santa get his toys? They are made by elves for good girls and boys, And, for boys and girls who are really bad, They get lumps...

For Christmas, I bought nanna,🍷 the biggest, most savage, green beast, It eats only un-alive meat, and ancient, full dead, wine yeast, The ...

Dolph, the sleigh bell, Santa reindeer, had a big, shiny tail, You could see him flying through snowstorms, and rainstorms with hail, On coc...

I decorated with lights, that make twinkles I made sugar cookies, and added sprinkles, I hung up my longest, clean stocking, Put Teddy in th...

I bought him a Fedora and a beer, But, my lovely Santa did not appear, I buttered his toast, I basted a roast, But, Santa flew off with some...

Every holiday it's not surprising,🙄 With all the family tensions rising,😡 After all our nasties are said,🙊 We sit down and break brea...

There was no snow for Christmas, Nor, snow for New Year's as well, And, living in Northern Michigan, It's been a type of snow...

Santa had to buy brand new batteries, to make his big sleigh bells ring, But, the elves stole the batteries for karaoke, because elves like ...

Cookie was Santa's favorite reindeer, She always had a joke, and was full of good cheer, And every year, She'd load the sled gear, A...

Jimmy was short and tubby, and he had the Santa call, So he got a job as Santa, working at the Midtown Mall, He worked there for fifty years...

I needed a holiday wreath for my front door, Could not afford to buy one, because I'm dirt poor, I took wire and branches of pine, Built...

I bought me a chicken, and had me a fry, It tasted so good it put beams in my eye, Then I had me some beans, And fried mustard greens, I got...

I like licking my candy cane; it tastes like peppermint, It makes my eyes tear up, and gives them a shinny tint, I've got a bumper stick...

It does not take any brains, The best treats are candy canes, I do not hesitate, I quickly manducate, Then my teeth all suffer pains.

I went to Canada to see Santa this year, He was in Sault Ste. Marie, training reindeer, I asked him for a pony, And four cheese macaroni, An...

Santa has no toys this year, because he had no money to pay, So he bought some discounted rhubarb, then he loaded up his sleigh, So every go...

While old Santa eats roast venison, we elves are eating snow, Santa licks on candy canes; a taste we elves will never know, Santa is all gri...