LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I have been a grave robber all of my adult life, It is an intimate thing, I do with my sweet wife, It's our family biz, Fills us with Ri...

My grey cat is a villain, a villain is he, He shredded my curtains, and dropped pee in my tea, Teasing my pretty koi,  Brings my cat villain...

The crickets are still chirping, but the air has turned coughing cold, I'd take me an apartment, but those affordable are sold, I set up...

The family wanted me to treat, By paying for a burger-fries eat, But they are full of vicious deceit, They never can lift the toilet seat, S...

My cello was run over by a sports car, It's destroyed, now I won't be a cellist star, I thought it wouldn't get injured, So it w...

I bought four used tires for my Chevy pickup truck, My neighbor had a nail gun, so I was out of luck, The neighbor punctured each tire, Set ...

There once was a dragon with the littlest hand,    He wanted absolute rule over all the land, But along came a knightess, Who just did what ...

With a Michigan moose, I formed a real tight bond, We both liked to chew on weeds, in a holding pond, To make pond weeds to be tasty, Do not...

I've been hired as a doomscroller, on the World Wide Web, The position makes me famous; I'll be a party celeb, I'll crunch down,...

My next door neighbor's index finger, got stuck in much deeper, than it looks, My neighbor got caught digging out deep, dark boogers, us...

I built me a domestic robot, and named it, Kimmycoss,   One day it turned on me, and pinched me, and it became my boss, It demanded eggs eac...

I've been very, seriously doomscrolling, all the week long, I watch doom and gloom, while listening to a doom and gloom, song, Many say ...

Adriatic the real nice Martian, ended his interplanetary roam, He settled down in Northern Michigan, in a quaint, double wide, mobile home, ...

Trina got some brand new, pink shoes that fit her tiny, little feet, Mom packed Trina a sack lunch, so she could stuff her small face and ea...

I thought I was eating some really fine, stringy noodles, Turns out, I was slurping the hairs of my little poodles, I didn't have a hunc...

My sassy, little monkey's name was Mayberry-Dean, She ate all her dinner, but got gassed up by the bean, We made her stay ten feet away,...

I needed gum from a gum store, and I needed to get there really quick, The only transport I could legally drive, was grandpa's old pogo ...

My neighbors drank some bad whisky, they made in a lead barrel, It affected their small minds, now they have all gone quite feral, They'...

I had a hound dog, my pa named him Clyde, Clyde took off running from the farm, to hide, Clyde tangled with Moose, Our goose that got loose,...

The cold winter wind blows, then repeats, It's winter, and I have no blankets or sheets, Deliveries are at a stop, Even for my dear, sod...