LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Bob was sleeping all quiet, in his warm bed upstairs, When he awoke hearing footsteps of three, great big bears, When they entered his bedro...

I had a big pet raven, and he liked to eat canary, He used to eat them by the bunch, like a small, yellow berry, The canary birds worked tog...

I went to the local zoo and got framemogged, by a gorilla, The gorilla had an aggressive name; his name was Attila, His muscular frame was b...

My backpack was full of candy bars, filled with chocolate cream, The squirrels that were following me, had developed a scheme, I was a nerd,...

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees, Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and ...

I went out to the barn and what surprise did I find, A bear waiting out there, like a hunter in a blind, He waited there just for me,  He po...

The eagle likes my little lambs; he takes one once a day, He flies them off into the mountains, that's where my lambs stay, The eagle on...

I drove on down to the old town, called Kalamazoo, I bought at a bovine auction, a cow that goes, "moo", I trained her to loudly s...

Santa's sleigh and reindeer landed on my frail, trailer top, I heard the sleigh land, and reindeer hooves landing, plop, plop,plop,  Thr...

Christmas is coming, I cannot find my pussy cat, I fear she was scared away by a wretched, fruit bat, I know she will come on back, When she...

I walked into a dark, deep cave, and saddled up a big, black bear, Some call me extremely brave, others think I need a brain repair, I rode ...

Jimmy the itty, bitty lizard is so sad, you see, He lives alone in my restored, antique cabinetry, He eats spiders and fruit flies, Turns th...

I bought a shack down in the holler, I moved in and spread out my squalor, I decided to let in, The rest of my kith and kin, Some cousins mu...

I was fluttering around like a dizzy, busy bee, Then I fell into a glass cup of hot chamomile tea, I started to cook and drown, But, as I wa...

I have a pet snapping turtle, named Miss Jeanie Cross, If I don't feed her enough potatoes, Jean goes boss, She bosses me out the door, ...

I dropped my solar lamp into the lake, while forest camping,  Now I fear the inner wires will need major revamping, In the dark tent, my bod...

Bugs have entered my long beard, and their winter eggs, they have laid, The bugs know their eggs are safe, until Spring Sol contact is made,...

My dinosaur was accused of eating the neighbor's apple pie, But, my dinosaur is a carnivore, and eating fruit ain't fly, Now my dino...

My bestie, blue pig, got all covered with the mud, I set him down in a tub of hot soapy sud, He let on a big, loud squeal, Like a braked Che...

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in, In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin, We were all warm and cozy, While the outside ...