LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I saw through the window snow fairies were acting high and jolly, They were chewing on the green, green leaves that coat my climbing holly, ...

I got a kite for Christmas, and I flew it behind a two horse sleigh, Every time the kite got really high, the bright sun would say, "go...

The chute on my brand new snowblower was not shooting any snow, That was in spite of my snowblower having a good grinding blow, Ice was caug...

Winter came and brought misery, misery, I am told, It blocked the paths of all creatures, and suffered them, the cold, Cold hurts the face, ...

The door fell off my small apartment, and the cold air from the hall flooded in, I put plastic over the doorway; it's the closest I can ...

I parboil ground hog,  to make them nice and tender, I eat too much ground hog, that is why I ain't too slender, I deliver the ground ho...

The chunky groundhog was attacked by a hawk, As the big hawk ate him, she went squawk, squawk, Squawk, His real name in life, was Phil, He t...

Everyone in my town, has had severe frostbite of the nose, They all had their snoggers cut off, before their high school picture pose, Town ...

My stock portfolio, it went away, My old polio, got much worse today, I'm so cold and defeated, Can't afford to get heated, More cru...

After Benny played outside in the cold snow, His nose got so stuffed up, Benny could not blow, The blowback popped his ears, Then he shed ma...

It got so extremely cold, my collie dog could not make a bark, It got so cold, my electric car battery, died in the dark, My plastic, bottle...

My old snowblower went on the fritz, All its parts blew out in little bits, When my blower wouldn't blow, I shoveled the darn snow, I sh...

I slipped on some black ice and fell on my pretty face, My face got deep, dark scratches, and I got a neck brace, So be careful out there, F...

I am just a frozen popsicle on a ski, Resulting from the Polar Vortex meeting me, My jacket, all warm and tight, Could not handle Vortex mig...

I got polar vortexed, and it really didn't feel, very good, I used all my tanked propane, and burned every stick of wood, It froze hairs...

I went to the snow filled forest, Primeval, today, To cut down some trees, to heat my cabin until May, Used a sleigh, pulled by dogs, To bri...

I got sacked before Christmas, and will receive no more pay, I won't get my Christmas bonus, it's not coming my way, My kids will ge...

Our outdoor potty seems far, far away, As the cold wind blows on this winter day, There is the old coffee can, Half filled by our cousin, An...

I spied a bearded iris in a sea of white snow, I couldn't imagine what made that lovely iris grow, The cold made me sneeze, hack and cou...

I put beans in my snowman, to see if he would get gassy and grow, Low and behold he farted, and the fart had a big yellowish glow, I didn...