LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Where does Santa get his toys? They are made by elves for good girls and boys, And, for boys and girls who are really bad, They get lumps...

My home schooling mommy, said I was doing my participle, all wrong, Mommy did not say what the problem was, she just banged my tin, toy gong...

I'm down to two Barbies, and that's all I got, I got one GI Joe, and his name is Scott, They still party hard, And, let down their g...

I had a tire swing, roped to the branch of an oak tree, It wasn't fancy, but the swing was fun, and it was free, When I fell off, and do...

I bought two little knick knacks, to display on my little dorm bookshelf, One was a 3 inch plastic bear, the other a 2 inch plastic elf, The...

I went outside to fly my brand new red kite, It kept crashing, because it was so darn light, I flew it on a wire, Lightning struck, it taugh...

Ben's driveway was covered with snow, Ben decided to give it a blow, Ben is just a big slob, He did one sloppy job, Then he cleaned off ...

Cookie was Santa's favorite reindeer, She always had a joke, and was full of good cheer, And every year, She'd load the sled gear, A...

My mean e-scooter ran far, far away, And, left me laying in the road today, He went so scary fast, Left me wearing a cast, I'm gonna sue...

In the month of August, Santa got an itchy, buggy beard, Santa couldn't go through customs, because his bugs could not get cleared, Down...

I got a toy train for Christmas, but I just got it out of the box, It's almost the 4th of July, and I'm stuck home with the chicken ...

The giant green dragon, Bent my best red wagon, My wagon is sagging, Dragon tail is rear dragging, I'm a cursed little pagan.

Donny had a red wagon, but it fit only one, Donny  couldn't ride in it, because he weighed a ton, So Donny sold it to Phil, Who took it ...

Cliff had nine boxes of toys, He had everything played with by boys, His girlfriend named Pearl, Had every toy for a girl, Their kids ju...

I wish Santa would bring me some cloths, Like some socks to thaw out my toes, Maybe a coat to stay warm, Boots to walk a snow storm, And som...

Mossy my milk cow, she pulled Santa's sleigh, That's because the reindeer had all run away, Santa had gained many a pound, The sleig...

There was a little porch pirate who lived in the bushes near my stoop, I knew he was living there, because I could smell his soup, Every sin...

I built a model city using only 4 square feet, It even has a factory that makes drums for kids to beat, And of course it has a tiny trai...

I decided to play with my old slinky, It was sharp and cut off my big pinky, In less than a blink, My pink went down the sink, For the next ...

It's the day after Christmas and I've broken all my toys, I guess I ain't one of those good girls or good boys, So, I took my gi...