LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

 I went out to my fall squash garden, and picked my precious gourds, The bad ones will fatten my pigs, the good ones, I'll dry and hoard...

I went camping at a campground called, Three Pines and One Bat, I saw the three dead pines, but worried, where was the bat at, Then, ouch wh...

The hometown band was marching extremely, way crazy fast, Their scheduled halftime show, would surly, not properly last, The drum major slow...

I went hunting real dinosaurs, but I did not see a one, You can only hunt them using a dinosaur, blowdart gun, You have to hit them in the h...

The door fell off my small apartment, and the cold air from the hall flooded in, I put plastic over the doorway; it's the closest I can ...

Although our summer boat was small, and made with tin, It was the fishing vessel of myself, and twin, We'd row on the lake, To hook a fi...

My stock portfolio, it went away, My old polio, got much worse today, I'm so cold and defeated, Can't afford to get heated, More cru...

When winter snows start their blowing, My bad attitude starts showing, I hate snowmen, I kick them in, Spring grass, I'd rather be mowin...

I got sacked before Christmas, and will receive no more pay, I won't get my Christmas bonus, it's not coming my way, My kids will ge...

I went into the woods hunting, and I found me a deer, It was the end of November, and cold weather was here, I fired my big gun, The deer to...

Jimmy found a porcelain toilet, he could use on Christmas Eve, Jimmy liked eating candy canes, but the canes would make him heave, On this h...

I spied a bearded iris in a sea of white snow, I couldn't imagine what made that lovely iris grow, The cold made me sneeze, hack and cou...

A snake fell into my swimming pool, I guess he wanted to feel real cool, He chased us all away, On a hot summer day, Now "no snakes in ...

I went to Canada to see Santa this year, He was in Sault Ste. Marie, training reindeer, I asked him for a pony, And four cheese macaroni, An...

When the hunters at deer camp went out chasing the deer, The deer doubled back to deer camp, and drank all the beer, When the hunters finish...

At deer camp, we eat our spaghetti and chili dinners, Then off to the local bar, and we party like sinners, First we eat Bob's good brow...

A little green warlock knocked on my front door, He said he was part of the green warlock lore, He said he was hunting a beast, For the a Ha...

Benny was waiting, with his bow, arrows and quiver, As the mighty king salmon, went running up river, Benny took an easy shot, At a big salm...

Daryl rubbed alcohol into a raw cut, and boy, did Daryl scream, The only way to calm him down, was a dish of chocolate ice cream, Daryl was ...

Vic rode on the merry go round at the big county fair, Vic rode on a huge chicken, a horse, a duck and a bear, The critters Vic did not fear...