LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Where does Santa get his toys? They are made by elves for good girls and boys, And, for boys and girls who are really bad, They get lumps...

Two marshmallows froze while polishing Santa's sleigh, Santa warned them not to do it, but the marshmallows did it anyway, To warm t...

Santa Claus left Tim no surprise, Because Tim makes up stuff, then tells big lies, Maybe Tim will now learn, Lies are Santa's concern...

Santa laid off all his elves, because he had no money for their pay, He sold his reindeer to a petting zoo, a butcher shop, some will say, S...

The minor monster made a slight moan as he mourns, For an elf cut off the monster's favorite horns, The elf had done bad, But horns made...

I went out West to visit Santa, But, Santa was not there, I went back East to visit Santa, I couldn't find a Santa hair, I...

Elves make a tasty, magic beer, That Santa over intakes, I fear, He slammed a mountain, with his sleigh, Broke all the new toys, made that d...

I heard giggles and I knew it weren't me, It was the top cupboard; I climbed up there to see, To my despair, There was an elf living the...

My parakeet ate six little elves, She cornered them on the book shelves, She said, "they taste very, very good", As she crunched a...

Santa ran out of fish bones and he couldn't pick his teeth, So, he pulled out some needles from a Christmas pine wreath,   But, Santa ...

The little reindeer could not make the trip, Flying in front of Santa's! ship, The little reindeer called in sick, Replaced by a moose n...

Patty was a werewolf, She hunted night and day, But, every year on Christmas Eve, She guarded Santa’s sleigh, When Patty snarled and ba...

Marcie Moe the reindeer, Was born on Guy Fawkes Day, It's a holiday no one cares about, Like the one the first of May, Marcie Moe...

Marcie Moe the reindeer, Wanted to pull Santa's sleigh, So, she hooked herself up in the sleigh gear, Thinking she'd soon be on h...

The sweater I ordered from Santa was too tight:  it caused me pain! Well, I called the Santa helpline so, I could complain, But, they wer...

Santa ate too many herbal cookies, Santa drank too much ice beer, Santa went to jail,  That's why Santa isn't here. Santa has some r...

It's the time of the year when Santa goes "Ho,Ho", It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow, I'm stuck ...

Santa went out on the ice on the bay, Chasing a reindeer that had just run away, But, the ice wasn't good, Where the heavy elf stood,...

I'm sitting in the house during a winter storm, My heats been shut off so I'm not keeping warm, Oh, Santa bring your sleigh, And ...