LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I cannot buy a pizza pie, Because the price was raised too high, The price of pop? Too high, full stop, My belly hurts; my eyeballs cry..

This sad morning, my old rusty, purple pickup would not start, My vehicle turned over once, then the engine blew apart, I was so late for my...

I went out trick-or-treating, to the big homes of the rich in my hood, I figured that because they were rich, they would give me something r...

I found two big cardboard boxes, and built a brand new home, I'll no longer remain on the streets, and endlessly roam, I felt an incredi...

Nitty Gritty had no pity, He owned the slums in the city, The rent was high, I said bye, bye, My new box is itty, bitty.

Dragons will eat nothing but fatty, red meat, Their fat clogged arteries won't let their hearts beat,  The dragons are always joking, Th...

Jimmy had pants made of real nice Naugahyde, Only pair that exists, and I've never lied, His mama was poor, Couldn't shop at a store...

I love tasty potato chips, When they're salty on my soft lips, Vinegar sour, Sour cream power, Are the flavors that build my hips. 32024

I turned my term paper in too late, Instructor said, it would seal my fate, My grades were too low, So home I would go, I suppose with the f...

Denny the pot painter was famous in these parts, His purple painted pots, won the pot critics hearts, He was a great painter, Of the pot con...

My kids didn't respect me, because their learning went too far, So, I banned them from the internet, and bought them a VCR, All their bo...

I burned the books in my house, and what did I get? Three sons in the jail, and they each have a dimwit, They turned out, not to be bright, ...

I got a card from Michigan, and this is what it said, That everyone in Michigan, no longer ate fried bread, A bacon grease shortage was the ...

I went to Newberry Town to buy some canned chicken, They didn't have any there, for the price I was pickin', I went out to my hen ho...

I'm due to make a house payment, but I've got a fun joke to play, I'm not going to make the payment, by the scheduled payment da...

I went to the internet to see what I should buy, I spent all my money, and that made me cry and cry, Without money, life is cruel, I have no...

They used the defibrillator, to start Benny's heart back up, He now must lower cholesterol, so no more bacon cheese steaks, for sup, Alt...

I went into the village to find me some heat, I found a huge box, lying free in the street, I just got moved in, And along comes my kin, I l...

I went to a party down state in Pontiac, Woke up in Chum's Corners in a  tin lean-to shack, Felt kind of rough, Ate some strawberry fluf...

Things are real fine in my far neighbor's hood, The people live within fences, and behave really good, But where I work, live and stay, ...