LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I went to.visit my friend, Tuna Fish, and it set off my nose alarm, A tuna needs deodorant under each fin, like a human does, each arm, More...

Last night, I left my clothes on the bedroom floor, and they loaded up with bugs, This morning, I spread the bugs to the family, when I gave...

Trina went to town, for a beef sandwich, with gobs of melted , cheddar cheese, She tells them to hold the tomato, because tomatoes make Trin...

All currencies went crashing, even the dollar and crown, All of the stocks and bonds I own, went down, down, down, down, down, My heart blew...

My next door neighbor's index finger, got stuck in much deeper, than it looks, My neighbor got caught digging out deep, dark boogers, us...

My sassy, little monkey's name was Mayberry-Dean, She ate all her dinner, but got gassed up by the bean, We made her stay ten feet away,...

Jimmy bought a potion to take away his noxious, manly stink, Jimmy quickly drank it down, and he went not smelly in a blink, Jimmy, then got...

They said I should act more like a human bean, I thought that comment was very crass and mean, At any party, Beans make one farty, Then futu...

I bought some fluoride toothpaste that came in a white, glass jar, I did not have to squeeze it, so I thought it would go far, It caught me ...

Scott had ugly bugs coming out his nose, He had even more nasties,  when he blows, Scott was meany mean, Even more, unclean, Scott had odd t...

I went outside and got the mail, at the breaking of the dawn, It was no greeting card, but a notice I was overdrawn, I went to the bank, I w...

Mason used up all the soap, So, all I had was an empty rope, So, I used up his shampoo, Got even, true, Now, he won't be telling ma, tha...

There was a grocery bagger, named Howard, Howard was by all measures, a true coward, He hardly ever used soap and then showered, His many sm...

Gym hired a surgeon, who fixed Gym's big nose, While they were at it, they cleaned between Gym's toes, The surgeon removed a tick, A...

Bernard's new love interest got Bernard excited, But Bernard's fixated love, was quite unrequited, His love called him a sleaze, Sai...

In the month of August, Santa got an itchy, buggy beard, Santa couldn't go through customs, because his bugs could not get cleared, Down...

Ben's toe nails were a yard longer than his feet, Ben showed them off by walking barefoot down the street, But, all the neighbors made f...

Neddy had bad tooth decay, But, he ate his candy, anyway, When his front tooth popped out, Neddy had not, any doubt, He had to see a dentist...

When I was a kid, I was a nerd, not a fool, I started chess club at my elementary school, I was always the spelling champ, My tests got only...

Some guy got lost way out in my woods, We robbed him, we were dressed with yellow hoods, I told him, "follow my bro, The Toad", ...