LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

No one can see that my long fingernails are never, very clean, Because I painted all my fingernails, a really dark, grass green, Instead of ...

Santa  gave everyone a can of spinach, for their present, Christmas Day, Then Magic Santa, rode off triumphantly, in his vintage, canned goo...

Christmas was coming, and our old, grey goose got real big and fat,14 Then our neighbors stole our big goose, then ate it, and that was that...

I left a chicken sandwich out for Santa, but the chicken was tainted, While driving, Santa's stomach started growling, and Santa almost ...

I once knew a vampire, named Tinker, Tinker was quite a mean, big, bad stinker, He was not a dear, He bit me on the ear, I told Santa; yes, ...

I had to hunt for Thanksgiving dinner, but all I got was a chickadee, There was not much meat to feed four people, but I claimed dibs on the...

I liked to feed all the little squirrels shelled peanuts, all winter long, I got my kids a cool Christmas present, a video game, called Pong...

I found the wrapped candy canes, left over from last year, Are they still good? Or should I just feed them to the deer?   When I went to buy...

My broke parents are canceling our Christmas, this year, No cookies for elves, and Santa won't get his wheat beer, Wow, our dinner menu ...

We have Thanksgiving, before we can celebrate our annual Ho Ho, Ho! Then we meet and  eat ma's half frozen turkey, until our guts feel w...

Bryan has an old Halloween soul, He lives in a furnace with hot coal, When it becomes Halloween, Bryan goes out to be seen, Scaring trick-or...

There is this glowing space laser, some call it the sun, It aims straight down on me, like some Martian ray gun, It's not at all funny, ...

I went to the beach for sunbathing, but I started to cry, We were having a big, beach snowstorm on the Fourth Of July, I had an expensive su...

All my pretty feet, are turning a real dark green, Maybe there's a problem, with my flip, flopping spleen, Is green a sign of foot woe? ...

You know, all of my friends are make believe, We're getting together, on New Year's Eve, We'll all walk to the pub, Drink a beer...

Mommy made Santa fine pork chops, for the Eve before Christmas day, I thought fat Santa didn't need pork chops, so I stole them all away...

Santa isn't using reindeer to pull his sleigh, this year, Instead, he's hired unicorns, they're cheap, they'll work for beer...

I made out all my Christmas cards, but I could not find my address book, I thought of where it could be, but it wasn't there when I took...

If I want a Christmas Dinner, I'll have to scrape it off the road, Last year, all I scraped up for Christmas, was the thigh of one squis...

I had to pay for a big tariff on my small piece of Cheese, It was made from reindeer milk, and fresh, big chunks of reindeer sneeze, It was ...