LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

There was a rabbit named Randy, He only ate Halloween candy, He got really big, Now he oinks like a pig, And drowns his sorrows with bra...

I went salmon fishing early this spring, I was pulled in like a real ding-a-ling, The fish pulled me down river, The cold gave me a shive...

A bug dug under my fingernail, He bit hard and I let out a wail, The bug dug in deep, Which caused me to weep, I felt better after three pin...

There was a college student named Drake, Over and over the same class he'd take, The first time he got a "C", The second ti...

George took a boat out on a lake,  To see what big fish he could take,  The boat started to leak,  It was a wooden antique,  George knew...

There was a rock bass named Murky, When he swam he swam really Jerky, He swam over a dam, Did a forehead slam, Now he thinks that he is ...

There was a robot named Mort, For a tin man he was real short, He could not compute, Or, do a square root, He couldn't even write a ...

There was a polar bear named Larry, He was fat and slow and harry, He once caught a seal, But, when it started to squeal, Larry dropped ...

Ben ran over a sharp wire, It punctured right through his tire, In just a little bit, The wire the lightning hit, That caused a massive ...

On Halloween a witch flew her broom, She flew really low and went Zoom!!! She hit a rock, It cleaned her clock, Her broom then blew up a...

There was a sweet lady named Lil, She worked down at the bar and grill, She'd do as you please, With more onions and cheese, Her bur...

I saw a big monster rat, He's twice the size of my cat, He scared off my dog, Then slept like a log, Thanks to my baseball bat.

Jim slipped and fell on some ice, Ground contact did not feel real nice, When he got to his feet, He felt a pain in his seat, In his b...

George went to a river to fish, He needed some fish for a dish, George fell in the water, But couldn't swim like an otter, A rescue ...

Shelly was a goody two shoes, She would not smoke or touch the booze, But, when she left Randy, She ate too much candy, Now, wherever sh...

There was an old witch on Halloween, Her hair was black, here eyes were green, She used her broom, To sweep her room, Her home was excep...

My mind is in a complete whirl, I was attacked by a brain eating zombie squirrel, He jumped on my head, Soon I was dead, If I eat anythi...

There once was a ghost named Nancy, She liked to dress up really fancy, She liked to wear hats, All covered with bats, Which made any on...

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah, She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara, Oatmeal cookies she sold, Made a big pot of gold, So, she bou...

Brad ate a hot dog but the relish was spoiled, His stomach couldn't take it and so it recoiled, He had to repeat and repeat, Until hi...