LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I bought 2 goats off the internets, because the goats, they were charming,  Until, they got lose in my garden, and my garden, they were harm...

I went out to the barn and what surprise did I find, A bear waiting out there, like a hunter in a blind, He waited there just for me,  He po...

The eagle likes my little lambs; he takes one once a day, He flies them off into the mountains, that's where my lambs stay, The eagle on...

I could not afford to raise chickens to eat, so I raised some chickadees, Chickadees have almost no flesh to eat; their boney breast, just a...

I go out to the old, bright, red barn, and I find a dead chicken, The dead chicken is bloated, half rotted, I eat him, I sicken, I take a bi...

Jim was feeling old, turning gray, worrying about every farm dollar, While Jim's fat pigs roll, oink and screech, like "happy campe...

I drove on down to the old town, called Kalamazoo, I bought at a bovine auction, a cow that goes, "moo", I trained her to loudly s...

I went far off into space to find me a livable moon, I wanted to move to a nice, warm moon, and move there real soon, I found one that was p...

 There was a willow growing in my raspberries, and it was getting real big, I went and sharpened my best shovel, and for the roots, I began ...

My dinosaur was accused of eating the neighbor's apple pie, But, my dinosaur is a carnivore, and eating fruit ain't fly, Now my dino...

The rip tide is pulling this pig, out to the deep sea, Where all the great killer sharks will be waiting for me, They'll see my pink bel...

I bought me an old country farm to raise me free roaming sheep, Roaming sheep are so very pretty, and quite easy to keep, Here is the real d...

I had a sweet, pretty chicken; the name was Bea, Bea thought it was real human, and it talked like me, I told Bea, "no, no, no", ...

I pick up many of the biggest, toughest sticks, I pick up sticks under trees with bark hard like bricks, Big hard sticks make big hot fire, ...

I taught my entire coup of chickens, to poop on the peonies, Poop is a great fertilizer, and the resulting flowers, do please, Peonies cover...

This years tomatoes, did not attain the size, big, The foul taste was like an ancient, rotten, pine twig, The plants were of bad seed, I thi...

There once was a real mean, grouchy old pig, everyone called him, Sick Sam, He was always blowing his big, snout nose, because he was one ol...

I once owned a heifer, and her name was Jane, She liked eating cow grass, out on the great plain, She had, pretty, blond hair, Won a prize, ...

Because my cherry trees are all blooming, They will make fine cherries, I am assuming, I'll have food to eat, They will be a treat, I...

My little rooster chicken, will never hunt, His name is Matilda, and he is a runt, He likes blackberry brandy, And, hard cinnamon candy, He ...