LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

They disputed my final fish weigh-in, and I lost the 1st place, and cash prise, The prise was $10,000 dollars, that brought a million tears ...

I would be happy, eating many more good meals, But, my older brother, he sees food, then he steals, I store food in plastic bags, Then slap ...

I started green bean farming, way down in the deep dell, Their countywide, square dances there are mightily, swell, I kick up my guy heels, ...

I played in the trumpet competition, and came in number nine, My teacher said I sounded o.k., my mama said I did fine, Being judged number n...

I was watching the Superbowl and eating cheese balls, I  violently disagreed with all the ref calls, Many cheese balls started flying, The s...

Prices are way high, and I can't shop for beer, All of the good stuff, they cannot sell it here, Can't afford chicken legs, Forget a...

I ate all the raspberries, and I blamed it on my niece, She is only two years old, and they'll leave her be, in peace, I don't want ...

I saw two squirrels playing a very silly game, Rock, Scissors, Paper, a game that is so, so lame, Should play Five Card Stud, That game ain...

There was a spider monkey named Cato, The only food he had was a potato, Along came this foul bear,  He demanded his share, In exchange, he ...

Jimmy played several sports, He would always wear sport shorts, His clothes were green, Stayed mostly clean, He wore white on tennis courts.

Harry didn't like playing harmony, but that's all they'd let him do, Although, Harry was acclaimed at playing the 13 hole kazoo,...

Orlando loved playing the outdoor sport of baseball, He could make the bases, because he was lean and tall, He shocked all the umpires faces...

My pet gator had those food, lustful eyes, When upon my pet turtle, he spies, It was a sure fate, That my turtle got ate, He tasted good in ...

My dinosaur, she pogo-sticked, Until upon her, a dog was sicked, But she ran away fast, Dog's pursuit did not last, It seems that dog wa...

Todd looked all over the place, But his feet couldn't find third base, Todd was tagged out and became a disgrace, No one would look him ...

Marvin threw up; we all took pity But he thought his vomit looked real pretty, He took it to an art show, And what would you know, Marvin wo...

Being smart or having looks that stun, Is for the dullards and the geeky, The greatest minds will gain their fun, From the joy of being s...