LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

The little trumpetier, Played best after drinking his beer, And, for half a shot and a fin, He'd back-play violin, It's too bad ...

I went fishing, wading out in the dark, I was hungry and my kitchen was stark, I had my red worms and beer, And, the beer gave me such ch...

The urban dictionary, I dunno, The words infest my brain, then start to grow, I went to my old pub, Now, labeled a hub, They're still as...

I beat my swords into ploughshares  but, kept a few spears, For fear space aliens might crop-circle my ears, I figure my pointy sticks, Show...

In a hidden pond they did appear, Great big bullfrogs the size of deer, One ate a bear,  That made me scare, Now, in the tavern I'll...

My deer hunting rifle would not shoot, When I pulled the trigger it went "Toot!  Toot!" So, I guess this year, I'll just dr...

Sometimes you feel you should write rhymes with Nantucket, I thought so today and then I said "Duck It", Who likes the East anyw...

Before Benny writes his online post, He has to have two eggs and toast, A half pint of beer, A shot of the Clear, And, a rib in a ve...

I don't know a pair of ducks from a paradox, I can't tell a pair of dogs from a couple of fox, But, one thing is clear, If you spill...

This year I had a failed crop of hops, So, now all winter I drink shots and pops, But, it's beer that I'll crave, Until, I go to my ...

At the end of the world I moved into a box, I ran out of beer so, I was forced to detox, Detox made me ache and cry, So, when a zombie came ...

The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year, I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer, The water was ice cold, And...

Passionate Pete Porter Was a rare-bourbon snorter, But, one day he tried beer, Then, his new passion was clear, And, each glass cost jus...

A rattlesnake was on my deck, It was really hotter than heck, He asked me for a beer, I said I had none here, He bit me now I am a wreck...

Jeff found some chickens in his drawers, They had ate his marshmallows he had saved for s'mores, The chickens were hasty, So, Jeff fr...

A rattlesnake wanted a beer, I told him to go bite a deer, He bit me instead, Now I am half dead, He drank the beer that was here.

A rat mixed his whiskey and beer, Next day he felt that death was near, So, he admitted to his wife, His adultrous second life, He sobre...

Someone mixed tomato juice with their beer, They had to drink it 'cause money was dear, It tasted just fine, A bit like red wine, Bu...

Black Friday comes only once a year, The sales are great when money is dear, The stores slash the price, Up to 70% which is nice, That l...