LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I rowed out upon the bay to fish, on the Ides of March, I wanted some protein to fry, with my potato starch, I was caught with some ale, The...

The Polar Vortex has frozen my ginger beer, Frostbite has taken my left nostril and right ear, Whirling snow blows around, Hits my face poun...

I washed down a crusty, dry doughnut, with a soda pop, I started to puke, and was observed, by a passing cop, The cop took me to jail, Where...

All currencies went crashing, even the dollar and crown, All of the stocks and bonds I own, went down, down, down, down, down, My heart blew...

The approaching Ides of March, foretell the warning, Be alive at midnight, yet cold dead by morning, Or, alive at this noon, Dead by the ris...

I found two big cardboard boxes, and built a brand new home, I'll no longer remain on the streets, and endlessly roam, I felt an incredi...

He had a tic in his tock,  And, a big rock in his sock, He spent everyday, listening to Rosy Land Bach, His debts started to swell, He had n...

The Ides of March have come and gone, Old Caesar's curse has been a yawn, Maybe next year, The earth won't be here, Or, maybe I'...

I tripped over my toes, That started off my woes, I hit my head, I went to bed, For breakfast, I had macaroni bows.

Barny was a practicing wiccan, His familiar was a farm chicken, If you want some good luck, Get the chicken to cluck, If he don't cl...

I and my love were engaged, doing spoon, When we were frightened by that bloody, red moon, We both wet our britches, Before we leaped into d...

Everyone always tells me that life is easy as a breeze, But I'm always living with war, petulance, famine and disease, Maybe I have gloo...

I found in my driveway a little stone charm, I put it around my neck, didn't think it would harm, But, the next crazy day, I had n...

I hung my own picture on the wall, It fell on my wood stove and that's not all, After my nighttime retire, My picture caught fire, N...

Well, I can't lament the month of May, I'm just glad the month has gone away, The kids both got sick, My wife left me for some ch...

It’s Friday the Thirteenth today, I think that in bed I will stay, My truck will not start, I fell on a lawn jart, And, I was pecked in ...

Jessie made a painting, It was a village by the sea, But, her bad luck was a tainting, The village was flooded by broken lei.