LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Every time I eat fried perch and then sleep, I dream I'm swimming in, out waters, in the way dark and deep, I'm chased by walley...

Henry was a little demon; a little demon Henry was, He always got his hair cut in a fun style, he called a "buzz", Henry baked a n...

I won a set of new screwdrivers at the bingo hall, I was so excited, when I got that last number call, My porch has a loose board, Now if a ...

When I time travel the universe splits apart, Into one that I've changed, and one that's the same from my start, So, with this t...

Trina's shoes are made of itchy plastics, and her clothes are made of plastics too, Trina is allergic to all plastics, so she scratches ...

The vampire was in his coffin, and it was sitting by the great sea, The coffin was hidden by some bushes, and guarded by a bumblebee, When d...

My bestest friend at work, my coworker, Jerry lost his mathematics job, The company replaced him with a newborn AI, energy drinking slob, I ...

If my strawberry plants could enforce their say, They'd force the spring snowfalls to go away, Strawberry baby making is hard, Whil...

Because my trumpet made an awful tone, I was forced to play the sousaphone, Because I ate too much starch, My body wouldn't march,  Now ...

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees, Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and ...

The Skegemog Lake monster attacked my tin boat, He bit it in half, so it would no longer float, But, I got a real special wish, Skeggey was...

My soda pop went into my mouth, and jet sprayed out through my nose, Now, I have soda pop stains upon my brand new, dollar store clothes, I ...

When I sit down on my carpet I start to itch, I kind of blamed it on my little pooch, Mitch, But, maybe it is not my little dog, It...

I went to a space station to get some good rest, But, they ran out of peanut butter, so I had to protest, Then, they ran out of spaghetti,...

By Tim Colin Last night my brothers Ted, Mike, our colleague Gerrard, and I spent the night in a local children’s park waiting to captu...

How many, many tons of salty fish, are in the whole sea? That was the question that really bothered, the brain cells in me, I couldn't s...

I have been prepping for a radioactive, end of the world, Many stacked pallets of bottled water, and canned food, I have squirreled, There w...

There is a fairly young dragon, who lives down by the big lake, He lives in a cave made of clam shells, from his picnic clam bake, Since nic...

My dog Patches dug a hole to the septic tank, What he found down there really stank,  It was the bad smell de jour, But, Patches ...

I bought 2 goats off the internets, because the goats, they were charming,  Until, they got lose in my garden, and my garden, they were harm...

There was tremendous sunshine, slapping down upon my bare, fleshed skull, It happened to my cousin Mitch, and he ended up thinking, dull, Mi...

They wore loose burgandy shorts and tight, faded, khaki t-shirts, They were the bare footed marching band, and their feets felt the hurts, T...

I went out to the barn and what surprise did I find, A bear waiting out there, like a hunter in a blind, He waited there just for me,  He po...

Two birds fought over the same nest, One was a sparrow; the other a robin red breast, The sparrow was short and relatively small, The rob...

There was a robin named Mr. Poke, He could not find worms and was a joke, Poor Pokey could not see, The rattlesnake named Bea, Bea washe...

Danny went to the special foot doctor to check out his feet, His feet were getting real skinny, although he'd often overeat, Seems Danny...

Crazy Benny went into deep space, He went there to save the whole human race, When he met an alien he said, "check your shoelace...

I have noticed that local snakes, and our creepy lizards are bigger in size, Their growth awakens an ancient prejudice; a wish for reptilian...

My girlfriend for the last six or seven fun years, only has one tooth, But she has a nice model's smile, six by seven Inches my gal, Rut...

The pogo stick competition has grown in reputation, For the pogo stick sport is a hopping sensation, Pogo stick competition is everywher...

I broke my jaw, and they wired it completely shut, "I need some food, now", said the ache that came from my gut, So, I snorkel foo...

Thinking Spring, bird tweets, Winter returns, cold, harsh, storm, Bird tweets?  Bird goes burr!!!! 3611

I was once a great opera star, and I sang Figaro, After decades, I could sing the high notes, but couldn't go down low, Before I retired...

I had a big tin purple elephant, I named Algernon, I gave Alger early spring, pink tulips, that he fell upon, He crushed all the pretty flow...

I never walk out into the bright light of the great sun, I feel the light will expose all the awful things I've done, I once stole a coo...

While splitting wood with an ax, today, My foot got right direct in the way, I wonder who knows, If I can grow some new toes,  Like my b...

A space-man built a pyramid ship in the middle of my backyard, Then, he told me to stay away from it, and he posted a robot guard, But, ...

Kelly the leprechaun eats nothing but worms, He washes them thoroughly, because he does not like germs, He use to like greens, Kohlrabi and ...

I spent my savings going to trumpet college, to improve my embouchure, I was told that my lips were like pig ears, making sounds that were h...

My Cousin Casey was so dog gone, super nice, Each day, his moral compass, he would check it twice, Casey had one ugly flaw, It concerned his...

I bought potato chips, but they were all mold I read that in 2012 they should have been sold, I went back to the store, But, the store...

I went down to St. Jane's funeral parlor;  saw my old lady there, She was laid out on an old table, and there was blood everywhere, She ...

I can't get insurance to cover the product I make, ginger beer, If a bunch of consumers drink it, and then die, that could cost me dear,...

The young guy called Beeper, is quite a little creep, He sold his inherited house, and bought a jeep, He tries flirting with girls That give...

There once was a senior, named Marvelous Hannah, Hannah lived in Boston, but hailed from Savannah, Hannah liked drinks that were fizzy, Fizz...

I woke up and saw a flying saucer parked in my backyard, There were two little green aliens chewing on my Swiss card, I grabbed my big blast...

The favorite dish served in Northern Michigan is called road kill stew, Every time you try it, you find smells and flavors you never new, Co...

I pulled my bad tooth out with pliers; it was done on a dare, I then started bleeding really bad, that gave me a teared scare, For an ambula...

Brother Eldon had two little feet, and they were white as snow, And, everywhere that Eldon went, his snow white feet would go, One cold day,...

Barney the big horned buffalo, put on some purple underwear,  He did not like being naked, because all the girls would stare, One girl buffa...

Penny had a handsome, pet peacock, and Penny named him ABC, ABC had a pretty, peacock girlfriend, known as 123,  123 and ABC made a big egg,...

I tried to tunnel my brainy consciousness to change my personal past, I wanted to be stinky rich, and have a marriage that for years, would ...

You see many monsters in the world, when you are just a little fly, I'm just looking for some turds to eat, then I can lay all my eggs, ...

Katrina sang while sailing, one calm sunny day, Then she sailed her small boat, too far out on the bay, Because her eyesight was poor, Katri...

I'm mad; my little, brat sister Katrina, got a brand new, baby horse, The reason she got one is mommy and daddy, were getting a divorce,...

Hickory, Dickery, Dock, my big clock chimes hourly, Sebastian Bach, It dings Bach's Toccata in D Minor, all metered with a tic tock, Whe...

No one can see that my long fingernails are never, very clean, Because I painted all my fingernails, a really dark, grass green, Instead of ...

Many people do not like my crazy, silly rhymes, My rhymes make them so mad, they want to clock my chimes, I escape into a trance, Where I am...

The eagle likes my little lambs; he takes one once a day, He flies them off into the mountains, that's where my lambs stay, The eagle on...

Ferris played masterfully, an ancient instrument, called the harpsichord, The elegant music was comforting, enchanting; a good soul's re...