LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased, Now Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased, His servants offered him fruits,...

I went out to the old haunted shack, Didn't know if I'd ever come back, Sure enough, the ghost grabbed my head, Yanked it off, made ...

Margo was the queen of Halloween ghosts, She ate candy corn jam on fresh pumpkin toast, She was a ghost, who grew wider, Drinking hot app...

I cannot afford Halloween candy, I for sure,  can't afford Christmas brandy, Thanksgiving?  I won't eat, Can't afford bread or m...

I guess my toothbrush has just become self-aware, An electric shock gave me a cardiac scare, I reached for the plug, Gave the chord a tug, W...

On Halloween I'll trick for treats,             I'll fill my bag all up with sweets, When I've finished my roam, I'll...

I went out trick-or-treating, to the big homes of the rich in my hood, I figured that because they were rich, they would give me something r...

There is a witch, that's me, I recruited two more to make three, And, though we weren't quite a coven We cooked townsfolk in our ove...

I went white water rafting, one sunny day, The river was yucky with swirling red clay, My little dog, named Gerty, Got her face all dirty, I...

On Halloween this family of ghosts, Marched in parade from coast to coast, They munched on candy, When it was handy, That's h...

So, methinks I was headed up to Mars, But my spaceship fell back down and crushed cars, I got a lawsuit, From each crushed toot, toot, Now I...

There was a nice, young lady, who rode a red bike, She had a pretty red rooster; she called him Spike, Spike rode the bike handlebars,  Whil...

People have no meat and people have no gruel, Kids lick chalk off the blackboard, for lunch at school, This is a real poor town, Unless, you...

I was fluttering around like a dizzy, busy bee, Then I fell into a glass cup of hot chamomile tea, I started to cook and drown, But, as I wa...

The Father of All Pumpkins 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 The father of all pumpkins came into my store, And said my pumpkin sele...

There's a monster outside my spaceship, and he is from cold, deep space, I think he wants to eat me, or maybe mess up real bad, my face,...

The bedbugs teeth are sharp, and real long, And, Denny rolled upon the bugs, wrong, The mad teeth bit in, Broke wide, Denny's skin, The ...

I have a pet snapping turtle, named Miss Jeanie Cross, If I don't feed her enough potatoes, Jean goes boss, She bosses me out the door, ...

Donny went river fishing in his fibreglass canoe, It had a couple of small leaks, because it was not new, Donny didn't get bites that da...

Every single First of May, It's Melvin Martins Day, Melvin Martin was a pig, That pulled Santa in his sleigh. Melvin Martin was a s...

Where does Santa get his toys? They are made by elves for good girls and boys, And, for boys and girls who are really bad, They get lumps...

I have a pet alpha monkey, and he ate all my bread, He ate all my food proteins too, so soon I will be dead, Alpha monkey can almost fly,  C...

It rained and stormed all day,  The kids couldn't get out and play,  They tore up the house,  Drove off my spouse,  Now all alone wi...

I dropped my solar lamp into the lake, while forest camping,  Now I fear the inner wires will need major revamping, In the dark tent, my bod...

Ron built an aquarium out of gingerbread, It didn't hold water and his fish are all dead, It may not be too soon, To say Ron's mi...

I was doomscrolling for vampires, and found one with a long, green tooth, He got it stuck in a catsup bottle, while in a restaurant booth, I...

Tricks, treats, nature change, Candy, costumes, leaf bare trees, Party, summer's wake. 102824

I'm shooting a world killing missile to Mars, To blast it into one trillion, sweet candy bars, With tasty bars to eat, I'll quit ove...

I was banned from Twitter for saying fake stuff, Like the moon is pudding and Mars is just made of fluff, So, for such political wars, ...

I close my eyes then I travel, into a nice, parallel universe, Where people are really kind to me, and don't add to my name, a mean curs...

Voltaire was a goat placed into my care, From the cloths line he ate the kings underwear, No undies meant the king got cold, He got angry...

I go down to the Butcher's and buy "mystery meat", They won't tell me what it is, but its real cheap to eat, You can taste...

I am sociopathic, and it inspires me to both dance and sing, When I hear of tragedy for others, I hear the bells of joy, Ding,Ding! It is ve...

My bros and I went rafting down the river, and we hit a great, big rock, I was very surprised, but my mates were all thrown overboard, by th...

I went into the woods and ran into three witches, I said I couldn't stop and chat because my back really itches, Then, they told me ...

Tom ate honey until he smelled like a bee, Which attracted the bears from every county, Tom feared a bad beaten, But instead, he was eate...

Bryan has an old Halloween soul, He lives in a furnace with hot coal, When it becomes Halloween, Bryan goes out to be seen, Scaring trick-or...

Jimmy Thirty-five toes does not dress up for Halloween, Jimmy goes barefoot, so his many toesies can be seen, Jimmy definitely knows, As his...

There was a rabbit named Randy, He only ate Halloween candy, He got really big, Now he oinks like a pig, And drowns his sorrows with bra...

We had wicked lizards and crazed witches, dancing, when the harvest, got mooned, It's the year end event, when the fall colors,  the for...

My fancy canary bird did not go chirp, All the feather duster did was fart and burp, Some say he was smart, Learning how to fart, My cat ate...

I walked 6-7 miles to visit with my dear, Aunt Cora, She slapped some stakes upon the grill for me and her cute daughter, Dora, Our picnic o...

It was the big dilly, the dilly part of my dilly day, Been dream wishing in late October, I could wakeup in May, I am The Great Vegan, I hal...

Bugs have entered my long beard, and their winter eggs, they have laid, The bugs know their eggs are safe, until Spring Sol contact is made,...

We rurals  are celebrating the fall, by a mass roasting of corn, Some want a pig, but I've been hungry for veal, since that new calf was...

I once wrote a romantic, gothic novel; it never saw the light of day, I sent it to a publisher, he shredded my work, and sent it back, my wa...

It took me a total of 6-7 days, To find a local job, that in real money, pays, Down at the local sand beach, I'm now called, "volle...

Late, last night, I saw Old Tilly, Old Tilly, the hopping hound dog, He still looks green from last year, when he ate that poisonous frog, T...

 The flea and tick infestations are really bad, this gear, My significant other is covered from toe to ear, The little eggs keep popping, Th...

I use to have a job that pays, but I don't have one anymore, I use to work half a day, cleaning both the toilets at a store, I am disapp...

The crickets are still chirping, but the air has turned coughing cold, I'd take me an apartment, but those affordable are sold, I set up...

I knew this guy, The Impaler, he collected dead bugs, He got jollies impaling them, because he lacked mommy hugs, One day he went to jail, B...

Jimmy thought education was king,  He was sure great riches it'd bring, But, after eight years of college, And vast quantities of kno...

For teeth, there was once was a tube of paste, It was never touched, and went to waste, Soon no one had teeth, They just gumed on their beef...

The Corn Moon rises up into the September sky, Forest monsters are dancing, and weird pumpkins, they fly, The great pigs we baste and roast,...

 Before the quaint, horse drawn wagon, climbed the old mill road hill, It was loaded with dry, ancient saw dust, from the old mill, For apar...

Garden, Spading, Worms, Birds, Squirmy, Meals, Yummy, Good, Mowing Lawn, Bugs, Birds. 8122

Beautiful Banjo Bob had a knobby, hardwood, beech, peg leg,    It did not line up with his foot, so his walking was irreg, When he was on th...

A fire breathing dragon named bob, Would only eat corn on the cob, What he liked most? Was to give it a toast, Then scarf the corn down ...

 Big Hank, he be nimble on the competitive pogo stick, Hank's massive body will pogo down hard, then bounces up quick, Hank fuels up wit...