LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

We rurals  are celebrating the fall, by a mass roasting of corn, Some want a pig, but I've been hungry for veal, since that new calf was...

I once wrote a romantic, gothic novel; it never saw the light of day, I sent it to a publisher, he shredded my work, and sent it back, my wa...

It took me a total of 6-7 days, To find a local job, that in real money, pays, Down at the local sand beach, I'm now called, "volle...

Late, last night, I saw Old Tilly, Old Tilly, the hopping hound dog, He still looks green from last year, when he ate that poisonous frog, T...

 The flea and tick infestations are really bad, this gear, My significant other is covered from toe to ear, The little eggs keep popping, Th...

I use to have a job that pays, but I don't have one anymore, I use to work half a day, cleaning both the toilets at a store, I am disapp...

The crickets are still chirping, but the air has turned coughing cold, I'd take me an apartment, but those affordable are sold, I set up...

I knew this guy, The Impaler, he collected dead bugs, He got jollies impaling them, because he lacked mommy hugs, One day he went to jail, B...

Jimmy thought education was king,  He was sure great riches it'd bring, But, after eight years of college, And vast quantities of kno...

For teeth, there was once was a tube of paste, It was never touched, and went to waste, Soon no one had teeth, They just gumed on their beef...

The Corn Moon rises up into the September sky, Forest monsters are dancing, and weird pumpkins, they fly, The great pigs we baste and roast,...

 Before the quaint, horse drawn wagon, climbed the old mill road hill, It was loaded with dry, ancient saw dust, from the old mill, For apar...

Garden, Spading, Worms, Birds, Squirmy, Meals, Yummy, Good, Mowing Lawn, Bugs, Birds. 8122

Beautiful Banjo Bob had a knobby, hardwood, beech, peg leg,    It did not line up with his foot, so his walking was irreg, When he was on th...

A fire breathing dragon named bob, Would only eat corn on the cob, What he liked most? Was to give it a toast, Then scarf the corn down ...

 Big Hank, he be nimble on the competitive pogo stick, Hank's massive body will pogo down hard, then bounces up quick, Hank fuels up wit...

 There was a willow growing in my raspberries, and it was getting real big, I went and sharpened my best shovel, and for the roots, I began ...

Hamlet was a shy dipsy diver bug, He'd dive if he caught a glimpse of your mug, He'd swim ten foot away, Before you could say, ...

 My groceries were delivered, direct from the big store, Some pops were broken open, and that made me really sore, The pop soaked my cheddar...

 My teacher, the incredible, Mr. Bells, Teaches hypnosis, conjuring and spells, He turned me into a pheasant, That was not very pleasant, I ...

There be a clan of fairies, who live down by the bog, They buzz around my head, in nights pitch thick, with blue fog, They have pulled out m...

I was told my cousin had food from a beast, So, I went to Grayling for the great feast, It was a rodent from the road, Tire mixed wi...

I bought a trailer between a river and a lake, The property flooded and I had water intake, Finally, the water left out the door, But,...

My bucket is full of minnows, and my can is full of worms, My lunchbox is full of candy; my hands are covered with germs, I am fishing in my...

My guppy had babies; it's so very nice to see, She'll go back to her friends when she leaves maternity, The babies move slow, ...

Someone ate all of my chickens last night, The only trace found were feathers, all white, It must be the bear, He left his tracks there, ...

My dinosaur was accused of eating the neighbor's apple pie, But, my dinosaur is a carnivore, and eating fruit ain't fly, Now my dino...

The happy fat clown had gingivitis, His smile could no longer delight us, He was fired today, Given no severance pay, On the way out, he...

Fare thee well my Pumpkin Patch, May you  grow pumpkins that I might hatch, So that I might take the seeds, For on such yields my f...

Ninety-nine minnows swam way out to sea, Then along came a shark, and then there were three, Out of those ninety-nine minnows, three swam ...

 Twelve skunks moved to Midland Michigan, from a town called Montreal, They all moved to Michigan, because hula hooping was their call, In M...

I went to a senior party, near the lake, and the piers, We built a big fire, so we'd have light to find our beers, It was long past our ...

There once were three little gray mice, They tunneled deep beneath the ice, They ran into a red fox, Who liked mice with his lox, He ser...

 Trina walked on the shore, picking up dead, stinky fish, pee-you, She left one in her mommy's new car, and daddy's pickup, too, She...

My bestie, blue pig, got all covered with the mud, I set him down in a tub of hot soapy sud, He let on a big, loud squeal, Like a braked Che...

Tilda the Tent kept everyone warm, Tilda kept heads dry during the thunderstorm, The lightning came free, Striking both tent posts and me, T...

I had a really bad, bad fright, It was a weird monster I met one night, It was a green Amoeba, It's name was Reba, I think my eyeb...

When I was trekking out in deep, dark space, My spacecraft battery got a crack in its case, But, all was just fine, I ordered a new one...

Today, I went Fall surfing, and ooh, the water, it was so cold, I progressed along my age timeline, 100 years; I feel old, Now I have a big,...

 I went to the grocery store, hoped to buy a giant can of beans, I've got 15, very heavy kids to feed, and 9 of them are teens, I was re...

 I went out to my fall squash garden, and picked my precious gourds, The bad ones will fatten my pigs, the good ones, I'll dry and hoard...

There was a twisting snownado that froze Jimmy's pipes, The family couldn't flush the toilet, after their wipes, It all made Jimmy m...

My used, old car broke down, while I traveled the highway today, It's underneath an overpass, where it will forever stay, Someone might ...

There was a girl named Denise, Her favorite food was bacon grease, As for the bacon, She found it chewy and forsaken, But, the tasty asp...

Four Teddy bears in a Lamborghini, went out back roads, cruising, The car ran off the road and crashed, because the driver was snoozing, Whe...

All I want for Christmas is a brand new flugelhorn, A truck ran over my old one, and made my horn unborn, I play my horn at the corner and g...

There was a red planet, way, way up in the sky, By the blue planet, sometimes it made a flyby, It didn't stay there too long, Because bl...

I once worked in a factory, and oh, what a bore, I once checked out groceries at a grocery store, I worked in cable news, Got hooked on the ...

I studied corporate finance, also quantum physics too, I got a job in banking, managed money, for people like you, Then the securities marke...

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in, In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin, We were all warm and cozy, While the outside ...

I heard a loud pound, pound, pounding on my door in back, It was a grizzly bear, wanting his afternoon snack, The old grizzly wanted me, To ...

My full name is Little Uncle Huey, I live in  a old beer stinker, shoey, I have lived here for lots of years, Raised a family; many tears, I...

Everyone wonders "when pigs fly?," I happen to know it’s on the 4th of July,, They strap on firecrackers that night, Then, ...

I ordered some tuna fish, online, I opened the can and it smelled fine, I ate it and drank homemade red wine, I got gassy bubbles, a bad sig...

I went down to New Zealand to see what was new, The waves were real splashy, and the water was blue, There were giant mountains on Cook, I t...

They were so mean and so nasty, that I did a cringe, Then I went on a big tater tot consumption binge, They said I'm squishy like a toad...

The family wanted me to treat, By paying for a burger-fries eat, But they are full of vicious deceit, They never can lift the toilet seat, S...

I lost my home because of mortgage debt, now the wife and kids are gone, They're really super mad at me, because all their stuff I had t...

There was a tiny twinkle in the little star, A twinkle, like the big headlamp on Ned's old car, Some call it a strobe light, A rave part...

I went camping at a campground called, Three Pines and One Bat, I saw the three dead pines, but worried, where was the bat at, Then, ouch wh...