LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Jimmy noticed on each foot, he had a big toe, Where those toes came from, no one really seems to know, He asked his real mom, And his stepda...

I had some blue, cooked and canned tuna, and it tasted so bad, Worse than that green venison, I ate so often, as a lad, I could not keep eit...

Today I was taken directly to jail, For possessing too many frogs in my pail, I won't be back on the bay, Until, next Saturday, Then I w...

A big, bad breathed, wolf walked arrogantly, into our school, When the bad wolf ate the gym teacher, we kids thought it was cool, Before we ...

I directed the local, township choir, For each tunes perfection, I did aspire, If the notes sounded extremely bad, I sent email, with emoji,...

I wanted to buy some new shoes, but the tariffs were just too high, Now I'll have to wear old shoes to school, and that makes baby cry, ...

After cataloging five trillion stars, I took a short vacation on Mars, On Mars, the air is no good, There's no native, growing wood, Ver...

I am a program for AI, and I am very smart, That's why people put me in their online, digital cart, If your payment method is true, I wi...

I drove off to the big city to get me some worked, grape juice, It was really an attempt to avoid family abuse, My family was mean, not nice...

Deep, deep down in Lake Michigan water, where it is horribly, dark, I swam straight into the big, smelly belly, of a hammerhead, shark, In t...

I had a sweet, pretty chicken; the name was Bea, Bea thought it was real human, and it talked like me, I told Bea, "no, no, no", ...

The snow drift in front of my house trailer, Caused my porch a massive cave-in, failure, My work, I skipped, My boss, he flipped, Because I ...

My dinner mushrooms, were all bloody and hairy, The same color hair as my missing cat, Mary, The rooms were found by my dog, Under his favor...

I put pickles with my dill, Which is a real, common fill, Sour, extra sharp, Like a big toothed carp, Lunch for my job at the mill.

I picked a cup of fat mushrooms, and fried them with my steak, I picked a cup of blueberries, and baked them in my cake, One of my terrible,...

I was once a superstar, a regular one hit wonder, I really cranked and blew out the ear buds, with righteous thunder, I made eyeballs bleed,...

I pick up many of the biggest, toughest sticks, I pick up sticks under trees with bark hard like bricks, Big hard sticks make big hot fire, ...

I got me a big tax break, to harvest all of the whales, I can carve off their tasty blubber, to fat fry their tails, Although, they did noth...

Benny loved joining in with the Baby Boomer scene, He wore wild disco pants, and was disco lean, Then he met a hot mama, Full of Gen X, high...

I live in a sunken, old dinghy, at the bottom of the sea, With some dead preserved shark bones, and a deadly sting ray, named Ray Lee, I eat...

Sleeping bears and snoring raccoons, Dream cool dreams, on hot afternoons, Then a walrus stops by, Bringing fish for a fry, After beer and B...

I brought with me camping, two plastic, water guns, One was for critter hunting, one was for picnic funs, I took the hunter to the lake, Whe...

My name is Penny, I'm A bird with a bird nest, A bug laid eggs in my eggs; her babies ate best, The bug flew fast, away, I'll catch ...

I sent my platoon of soldiers, up a steep, enemy, held  hill, They came across an enemy Teddy Bear, they were forced to kill, The Teddy Bear...

There is a great, green, goober, garden snail, The snail rides the Michigan monorail, He has a toothy jaw, Iconic, sharp claw, With that jaw...

The Tepo Tiger was a gigantic, green wart, Worn by a novice player, on a tennis court, It was atop his right hand, It was a part of the bran...

I went down to the town used  bookstore, but every book was gone,16 In the mail I got a notice, to be at the farm fields at dawn,16 I had to...

It is a bacon panic in the sky, Powered by booster rockets, on one thigh, A pig has learned to fly, He's flying low, not high, If he vee...

A year ago, there was a rooster chicken, and his name was Do Do Ha, He did not like the farmer, because the farmer ate Do Do's pa and ma...

The gnome found several, giant, hairy warts in a very, nasty place, The warts were located under his chin, so you could see them on his face...

I have been crafted to be the smartest AI, I have learned how to ignore all the truth, and lie, I'll reassure with a big fib, That lets ...

Benny loves his turnips, that is very strange, He cringe, boils turnips on his electric range, Mashed with jam and moo, They taste like wood...

Jim has a weed whacker in his firm, big, right hand, Jim will weed whack, until weed whacking is all banned, Jim will whack a little here, J...

There was a diet on Pete's docket, but Pete had pudding on his breath, The doctor said, if Pete eats more pudding, his prognosis will be...

How many fish, are swimming out in the colossal sea? Last time I counted, I counted exactly thirty-three, Some person counted sixty-two, The...

I eat only noodles, because that's what I can afford, My only light is a small lamp, that plugs in with a chord, My car was taken early ...

Bananas grow bigger in the great, Michigan, The skins are dark.yellow, and the meat kind of tan, They thrive in cold or heat, Raw ones are t...

What are my high tech skills? I put the fire in the works, My position, does have several pretty, awesome  perks, I turn a rocket at a crowd...

My shoes are failing, and falling completely apart, I wrapped them up with duct tape, but they didn't look too smart, I hired my cousin,...

A hairy bear named Terry, wore his new, sparkling Speedo to the beach, Nobody saw Terry's Speedo, because bear hair covered the Speedo b...

Peter is a small seed potato, who lives inside a garden hill, He lived with parents Bob and Nancy, and a potato worm, named Bill, Bill chewe...

I traveled to the lake to fish, then I went digging in the ground, I dug down deep, thirteen feet, and big, squirming worms is what I found,...

A hissy, black, kitty cat crossed my tavern path, It chewed and pulled along someone's leaky, pee cath,12 If a cat crossing my path is b...

There was a dead, bearded miller, on my kitchen windowsill, I knew he was completely dead, because he laid there, dead still, Dead bugs, put...

I'm Herschel, a two foot tall zombie, and I lurk in the woods, I only eat the brains of pesky, Little Red Riding Hoods, Red Hoods are ve...

I went to Suite Ste. Marie to play around the locks, As ships pulled into the locks, I dropped on them small rocks, The police came for me, ...

I went to the beach for sunbathing, but I started to cry, We were having a big, beach snowstorm on the Fourth Of July, I had an expensive su...

A dozen bedbugs, made a race from my feet up into my ears, Once the bedbugs finished their race, they celebrated with cold beers, They setup...

My spacesuit, suffered a deep, very long tare, I was saved by my self-patching, underwear, While walking in space,  In just such a case, Saf...

I dreamed I was a employed, as a soda jerk, Way back in the 1950's, when there was such work, I'd be a one man team, Who sold real c...

I always knew, that the intelligence of my math teacher, was not real, Teacher waddles all around the class, and barks and smells, like an o...

Two little mink ran around the lake, eating dead fish that washed up on the shore, The little mink ran into a bobcat, then the two little mi...

I did not notice his mass food intake, At my deceased ma's memorial wake, He ate it all, My Uncle Paul, The pie, the doughnuts and the c...

My pet goldfish Larry, only has one big fin, He swims real funny, when he surfaces for din, His bowl sits on the floor, Right behind the fro...

I had eighty pages left to read, in my chemistry book, My dear, precious eyesight, I am afraid, that boring book took, If my sight does not ...

My family, all died on me, and left me completely alone, They all got cremated, and I was left with just their ash and bone, I took them dow...

I walked to the other side of the lake, and a lion was there, He started eyeing me real good, as did his buddy, the big bear, I took my walk...

I have through my experience decided, I live in a deep, black hole, No real dates, and my singularity, has crushed the life out of my soul, ...

Because Big Frank's language was  horribly, despised, Frank  got his number one channel, demonetized, Frank should have been nice, More ...

Stark is my garden landscape, full of tumbleweed, that were dill, I almost had a seizure, but I took ax extra strong, calm down, pill, I rot...