LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

With a Michigan moose, I formed a real tight bond, We both liked to chew on weeds, in a holding pond, To make pond weeds to be tasty, Do not...

I fired my new AI, because he staggered to work, drunk, Both of his green eyes were bloody red, and inwardly, had sunk, He saw I was real ma...

I am an AI Daddy; they sell me at The AI Family Store, I'm sold at a reasonable price, but an AI Mommy, costs much more, There is an AI ...

There once was a real mean, grouchy old pig, everyone called him, Sick Sam, He was always blowing his big, snout nose, because he was one ol...

I washed down a crusty, dry doughnut, with a soda pop, I started to puke, and was observed, by a passing cop, The cop took me to jail, Where...

My cat is sleeping in the window, while we're visiting Southern France, She is staring at some butterflies, as the afternoon hours advan...

Basement Boy had a big rat, nesting in Basement Boy's couch, When Basement Boy's butt plopped down, the rat bit Basement Boy, "...

There is a great, big eagle, sitting up in my backyard tree, He sits there staring down upon, my new cat that I named, Three, Both my One an...

I stuck up my tent cabin, in a forest, near a beaver damed,  lake, I figured for my late night suppers, fish from the cold lake, I could tak...

I use to spruce up my baked cakes, with nuts and berries from the store, Now I spruce up my homemade cakes, by adding sweeping from the floo...

I could not find my fairy lights, for my weekend cookout, on the porch, I looked all through my garage, and settled for those tiki with the ...

Grandma does not cook the food she prepares, until all the microbes are dead, That's what dinner guests ponder on the toilet; that's...

I like to eat fresh crawdads, and put fresh crawdads in my stew, I add some peppers, and grind some spice, and share my stew with you, My pu...

I stepped outside my mama's old trailer, and it was very cool, It was almost June, but I felt like a forever, April fool, I have absolut...

My ma's fancy meatballs, came out dry, hard and flaky, They should be like a  moist, soft, chewy piece of steaky, I did, just all that I...

I went and caught some grayling, and I fixed them with a some pinto beans, I would have flavored them with steak sauce, but for the price, I...

My poor, old dog, her name is Mistress Maggie,   Her crying eyes, her listless ears, are saggy,7 It is my belief, She's consumed with gr...

My mom has lived in a little, cozy, wattle house, Ever since she lost my dear dad, her devoted  spouse, She lives down by the old slurry, Th...

I take better, cheddar cheese, and add a cup of rice, I mix it up real well, adding in some salty spice, Sometimes for a big treat, Mama dem...

Soon, all the bees, will become quite dead, That is what my homeroom teacher, said, It is the hard working bees, That stick the fruit to our...

My banker informed me, I'm quickly going broke, it would seem, Nobody is investing, in my coins that are known as meme The coins display...

In order to time travel into the past, I bought a new pair of shoes, Walking backward real fast, causes travel into the past; it's in th...

I've got canned hams on order, to survive all the troubles that come,16 I have my still set up, to make many bottles of "thunder ru...

Benny grabbed a sharp pencil, to work out the, "Theory Of Everything ", But, all he worked out with his pencil, was constipation; ...

I traveled back in time, and met Einstein sipping his tea, He was also combing out his hair, to look respectful and pretty, He said, I could...

There was a big blue boat, the name was The Alfalfa Glee, The boat went out racing around, and ran down Uncle Lee, It chunked Lee right up, ...

We went Trick Or Treating, in Newbury, to see  what that was about, It was Memorial Day weekend, so no candy was handed out, So, what trick ...

Deep in the basement, is where all my kids, should forever be, Playing video games, or watching reality tv, I'd feed them crackers and c...

There is a local alligator, I believe his name is Sammy, He ate a roasted tater, along with that missing tourist, Tammy, Sammy lives in a de...

He spends his nights and days, sitting around on his sitter, Doomscrolling social media, like Facebook and Twitter, He will never have a rea...

They were all real sad, when they got back from shopping for chips in town, They could not find a single bag of chips, that was not busted d...

I'm down to two Barbies, and that's all I got, I got one GI Joe, and his name is Scott, They still party hard, And, let down their g...

Everybody says, I deserve the face eating, that I got, Because, I did really stupid stuff, furthering an evil plot, Didn't know those pu...

Dexter is no ordinary, house rat, He wears pantaloons,a and a pirate's straw hat, Dexter's in a band, plays base, Has a deep thinker...

Trina got a yellow scooter, and she scooted, to town around, Trina looked for scooter parking, but no parking was ever found, Tina's eye...

I went camping in somebody's very private, backyard, They  had gone overseas, and had no neighbors for a guard, They had a sauna and poo...

I drove over to the big box grocery store, and what's up? I can't afford a meager breakfast, lite lunch, or simple sup, I'll lay...

I baked some strawberry-rhubarb pie, Instead of wheat flour, I subed rye, Rye is more healthy, you know, Rye helps bowels open, and flow, On...

Someone raided my big, kitchen pantry, and stole all of my fancy, marmalade, They probably took it to Sunshine Town, where it's worth it...

The next door, family of cannibals, put me, and my family in jars, We were all set in front of a window, so at night, we can all watch the s...

Poor old, teenager, Sad Zack, laid crying on his back, Crying over attractiveness, Zackery, did lack, When he talked to girls, He often had ...

My new kite got stuck in a windmill, and round and round the kite went, The kite has been stuck there sixteen years, and still, I give a mad...

Willis is the blogging god, Willis rules media, and is alone, For in his head is his cordless keyboard, and a 5G cellphone, To media, he...

I bought some delicious, almond nuts, and they were all tainted, With some nasty bacteria, the almonds had been painted, I took them back to...

Today, I went to a doctor, and he insisted I was brain dead, He was a specialist, so I had to agree, with all that he said,  My brain is dea...

School just got out, and I mostly got C's, My pretty baby, got almost all B's, Because I'm not as smart, We' growing far, fa...

My uncle built his beautiful home, out of forest, wattle wood, It took my uncle nearly 10 years, because he wattled it good, In a summer sto...

I lost a tear, when I stubbed my tiny toe, I lost a tear, when I lost my brother, Beau, It does not take my eyes long, Before they look red,...

I fell into a big black hole, and that ruined my entire day, I was there in silenced eternity, with no light to guide my way,  So my frazzle...

A bear wandered up my driveway, and ate a couple of my kids, My wife, she got extremely hysterical, I just thought, "good rids", T...

Some say, the inspiration for limericks, starts up in the nose, Others believe limericks start growing, between foot jammy toes, Wherever li...

I took a great idea, and  brought it to power, I set a chair inside, my big bathroom shower, It's like a washing machine, You get a full...

Sir Denny was the very deadliest fighter, with the ancient foil, Sir Denny made his foil really shiny, using, coconut oil, Denny sliced oppo...

My sister, Katerina, came over to visit me, Katerina visited, as my retained attorney, She brought over her male kid, Boy, oh boy, what that...

I started my tomatoes, and pepper plants, inside, I found a window, sunny spot, in my double wide, It warmed up, at last, The seeds grew, re...

There were three minstrel mushrooms, who came from outer space,14 They played some old classical tunes, they learned in ancient Thrace,14 Th...

I never should have gone to that party, over at Steve's, First, I got the botulism, followed by dry, horse heaves, What else could have ...

I live in a house made of old tin, In a tin park, with all of my kin, On the tin park next door, My kin wage a great war, We win, steel all ...

When cast upon me, is a tigers eye, He be thinking, onion ring, or French fry, And, what of my meat? What parts should he eat? He's drea...

It is spring in Michigan, and maple leaves are popping out, It's like the maple leaves, are giving the warmer sun, a shout, Now, the rob...