LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I once knew a toad, and he was very young, He had a toad body, but a long, frog tongue, His tongue lashed out to the sky, As he caught every...

I use to have a store job, and  work daily, but got laid off from the store, The owner said, he could not buy stuff to sell at a profit, any...

I drove my car up to the train tacks, in a little, rural town, I looked for the train one way, up, and the other way, I looked down, I geare...

I don't like playing the Ducky, Ducky Goosey game, I'm a bit chubby, and heavy, and my legs go lame, I'm a little bit tall, So, ...

I write all of my limericks, listening to "Sweet Betsy From Pike", That is why in my school records, they described me as a sick...

I'd often take my cow, Maisy out on a woods walk, She'd soothe me with soft moos, while I unwound with thought talk, One day, a lion...

My condo down in Florida, the big bank has whisked away, I lost my money in the stock market; it is not my day, I'll move to an Island, ...

When I woke and worked out, my big mouth got me constantly canned, Now my foul tongue waving, language, got this internet boy, banned, The p...

I placed little marshmallows on top of my breakfast tea, The marshmallows top floated, and melted on that brown sea, They made my tea real s...

My neighbor's AI, made a lizard monster, that likes sitting outside my door, Every time I try leaving my house, I hear a great cautionar...

I went into a public restroom, and it needed multiple cleans, The white floor was all covered, with chicken livers, and bluegill fish, splee...

Tyler thought he had a brain worm, up inside his big, pink head, But, it was just his longest finger, so Tyler didn't go dead, Tyler twi...

They said "bye, bye", to their lollipops, when their lollipops were no more, The pops were cute colored, and fruit flavored, causi...

Jimmy took a big ferry boat, out to see the amazing, Michigan, Sioux Locke's, The Sioux Locke's were so very frightening to see, Jim...

I went to the old oak forest, with my big chainsaw in hand, I was there to attack trees, because I don't like where they stand, The tree...

I spend all my day, economic doomscrolling, I spend most all evenings, amateur bowling, I play my new flute, it's a Pan, Spoon garbanzo ...

When the sky is full of bright stars, but distant rumblings, make you wonder, If soon the sky will be cloudy, save for flashing lightning, w...

Cooking egg noodles has always been my big dream, I cook noodles all day, filling my house with steam, The kids, all day shout, To let the s...

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees, Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and ...

Harry stepped on my tulips, so he got no Easter cheesecake, or pie, Harry didn't get Easter Dinner, because the crushed tulips made me c...

I am an alpha player, with the power pogo stick, I jump higher and further, than all others in my clique, I can jump twenty feet, high, Jump...

I bought a dead, dried maple tree and chopped it all up, So, I could have firewood to cook my late-night sup, The firewood heated fast, My b...

I was on some wicked water skies, When attacked by vicious honey bees, The bees attacked my pale, naked knees, The poison made my leg muscle...

I went to the local grocery store, and bought a markdown, specialty drink, It was full of caffeine, and tasted like a chemical from under th...

My Easter, holiday,  dinner ham, came from a one pound can, The only invite to my dinner, was my cousin, Dim Dan, We had squash, buttercup, ...

There are too many parasites in the world, My internal organs, they've hacked out, and squirreled, As my great mind slips away, Into an ...

I dreamt I was a future, space cowboy, and my name was Ding Dong, I flew across a prairie of stars, with my guitar and a song, I had 12 live...

I went to the local grocery store, and I bought some greens, I bought some pork chop pork meat as a treat, and dish soap that cleans, I boug...

I new an old salty, heifer, many called her a cow, If you called her a cow to her face, she gave you a pow, It sounds screw lose, nutter biz...

My kids exist to consume, pounds and pounds  of cheddar, string cheese, They are now looking like milk cattle, because I aimed to please, I ...

A cute, little, blue bunny sat up in a tree, The bun was only two months old, or maybe three, Along came a hunter hawk, The hawk yelled, squ...

Maynard practiced each day, and locked into playing, his Pan flute, He played a lot of copyright music, and got a lawsuit, Soon, Maynard was...

I once owned a heifer, and her name was Jane, She liked eating cow grass, out on the great plain, She had, pretty, blond hair, Won a prize, ...

Way up in the oak tree, there was a Mamma robin red breast, The bird was back from Florida, and laid four eggs in her nest, The nest got cov...

I like to eat a little pineapple, it helps me digest my pills, I also take an antacid, because the acidic fruit juice,  kills, I whiten my t...

There is no longer any cheese, for cat and I to eat, They butchered all of the cattle, for something called, stake meat, Can I make cheese f...

I drove my small foreign built, coup car, off the side of the road, Which is sad, because my little car doubles, as my abode, A deep, wet di...

An enormous, windbag thunderstorm is blowing in, I must protect the roof on my trailer; it is tin, I will rope the roof to the ground, Crawl...

I bought three flutes to play, but I can only play one flute, that is mine, So I hired two more players, so we could play three parts that c...

My kippers are so expensive; way too high, I cannot understand the any reasons, why? I just have the means, To buy canned sardines, The bone...

My short, silver dinghy, went sinking, then sucked down, All of my favorite fishing bait, it all drown, Except, Casper, the leach, Swam off ...

Chipmunks, fuzzy, cute, Digging under fireplace, Bricks fall, down comes wall. Chipmunk tunneling, Driveway cracks, deck falls apart, ...

Adam was a cute little troll, a cute little troll, like me, Then our Adam grew to be six feet tall, by the age of three, At four, Adam playe...

My house was full of stinky, rowdy rats; I caged them and made them pets, I sold them for cash to neighbor kids; about that, I have no regre...

Because my cherry trees are all blooming, They will make fine cherries, I am assuming, I'll have food to eat, They will be a treat, I...

I received a summons, to go see the great judge, in court,🏛 The great judge said, he had a very, concerning report,🐿 While at the dart clu...

I have a dire wolf, and he bit off my long nose, It's a good thing I'm a troll, for now a new one grows, The dire wolf grew whimper,...

Someone broke my pogostick, and J am hooting mad,😡 When I find out who did it, they will be so sad,😭 I'll tell them they smell like fe...

Nightly News Blue Moon My Blue Moon So, last night's moon was big and blue, It was still not much worth looking to, And, ...

Someone stuck a lead pencil in my foot, and I did not feel the pain, Methinks, that is just because my foot flops, about a mile, from my bra...

I knew my finances were in trouble, when  I couldn't afford turnips, at the store, When I can't afford to buy turnips, I know that I...

Me and close kin were huddled all together, and starving, half to death, Then I eyed my next door cousin's food and fine home, and methi...

The valves on my euphonium were turning, sort of a green, I hard polished to get those valves looking chic, metallic clean, The band leader ...

Everyone, onshore complains, that I'm a daft, old, grumpy goat, I spend all my time fishing in my dinghy; a tiny, tin boat, No observed,...

The new AI bot was never very sharp, The new bot could fish for both salmon and carp, For big tuna, it tried fishing, That was just pee in w...

I bought some market rhubarb, and black cherries, too, They were a bit rotten, so I cooked them as stew, I served it for dinner, bringing ev...

I use to play the mandolin, the mandolin J played, No one liked my playing, so with barn animals I stayed, I stay outside, very well, It is ...

I grabbed a bassoon, and I marched down the big city street, I made my feet slap the ground, to my bassoon blowing beat, The police came alo...

No one has any groceries, except my skin flint, Uncle Lee, He has two cans of tomatoes, and a l lb. jar of ghee, Do you think he might share...

I once had a big green, boil, looming large on my right forearm, The doctor cut the boil off, leaving a scar for chit, chat charm, I then gr...