LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I went to my freshman chemistry lab, and guess, what did I find? My lab partners are idiots; they blew up the lab, now I'm blind, So I c...

I went to buy some brand new string cheese, The high price dropped me down on my knees, Prices got high in the store, I am now inflation poo...

I thought I was eating some really fine, stringy noodles, Turns out, I was slurping the hairs of my little poodles, I didn't have a hunc...

Everyone in my town, has had severe frostbite of the nose, They all had their snoggers cut off, before their high school picture pose, Town ...

I found a small sliver of meat, when I went out my back porch door, That badger must or left it, when he murdered that squirrel, at four, It...

I received an email today, and it bid me goodbye, It said that I got termed by the corporations AI, I called a family meeting, Made sure all...

I went to the pirate's perch to see if I could get back my stuff, It's an apartment over a bar, where porch pirates drink and puff, ...

Onto my left breast, I pinned a shiny tin star, I'm tracking porch pirates, down the street with my car, Many sidewalks, far away, I fou...

My gargoyle went out on the big lake, My very best, darn row boat, he did take, I called him, " come back home", He was headed tow...

Panicked, I quickly called my scam, stockbroker on the phone, I was mad, so confused, and felt entirely alone, My tech investments were lost...

My stock portfolio, it went away, My old polio, got much worse today, I'm so cold and defeated, Can't afford to get heated, More cru...

When winter snows start their blowing, My bad attitude starts showing, I hate snowmen, I kick them in, Spring grass, I'd rather be mowin...

I always drive over to Canada, to buy the best breakfast eggs, Their nice, big eggs don't have little chickens inside, with beaks, eyes ...

I canoed up the river, and I got very tired and soar,  I did not make it to town, so I took a camp upon the shore, Found an old, torn, rubbe...

Benny had a chocolate bar, in the back pocket of his white pants, Benny wanted to go birthday party, with mama, cousins, and aunts, But the ...

Our search for employment, did not go well, We've run out of blood, and assets to sell, Our landlord was unkind, Said the rent we must f...

I got a knock on my front door, and it was a pushy, AI, It was selling life insurance, and said it was my time to buy, It said AI knows all,...

My pet ground hog does not feel well, He slipped on the ice and down he fell, So, I put him to bed, After being well fed, Then ...

I had some greasy fried chicken delivered to my door, It was good, so I ordered greasy fried chicken, once more, Raunchy, spoiled was that c...

There were 35 dead flies on my sesame seed bun, I know, because I counted every wire-winged one, The many flies and stale bun had to go, The...

When starting out and leaving home, whether you're a Tina or a Tommy, You must begin looking for a rich, sugar daddy or sugar mommy, The...

I went to the grocery store to buy coffee to drink, When I saw the new coffee pricing, my heart did a sink, I sold my plasma and blood, To a...

Karen the mad cow, she always bites, Anyone she observes wearing tights, It's offensive to her, If you are not wearing fur, It's lik...

There were 95 urinals, all in a neat row, But there were no toilet bowels, for the sitters to go, But not very darn far, Was a stream by my ...

Porch pirates were active during the night, I now have no morning breakfast to bite, I am one hungry dude, They stole all of my food, Alas, ...

Hi everyone, most people know me to be Tony, On every Saturday, I make much macaroni, It is a delicious dish, I share with my girl,Trish, On...

I took some local art classes, and what did I find? The other students were critics, and they were unkind, I complained to the teacher, She ...

When swimming amongst creatures known as, whale, The alpha one has the much longer tail, Watch where the tails splash, They can squash you t...

After Benny played outside in the cold snow, His nose got so stuffed up, Benny could not blow, The blowback popped his ears, Then he shed ma...

I took grandma outside, and fed her to the wolverines, Grandma had lost her government check, so she had no means, The hungry wolverines don...

It got so extremely cold, my collie dog could not make a bark, It got so cold, my electric car battery, died in the dark, My plastic, bottle...

If I had some meme coins, I'd spend them on beautiful you, On your big round red nose, and your eyes, so watery-blue. I'd buy you a ...

The meme coins I bought are not doing so well, I thought when I bought them, my small wealth would swell, As my meme coins go under, I just ...

There is a big, mighty, green sea serpent, and his name is Moe,🐉 He swims alongside everywhere, my little boat will go,🚣 Sometimes I get r...

I had my pig and thought I'd experiment, try, To get my pig to become airborne, and to fly, I hauled my pig up a tall tree, Before I sho...

My broken bedroom clock is not right twice a day, because it has no hands, My old hour glass, it tells no time, because it leaked out all of...

I got attacked by a big bull shark, and he chewed off both of my legs, My best buddy Rusty, found some hickory, and whittled me two pegs, Th...

I opened my refrigerator, and maggots were eating my beef roast, J wondered how the maggots tasted, so I ate some on my buttered toast, They...

I went out to see the amazing new sunrise, but it did not rise too high, It only rose a little bit, and the sun started to fireball cry, The...

There is one big, crazy, Northern Michigan polar bear, He sneaks into my old trailer, and gives my kids a scare, I warned the bear to stop, ...

It came from outer space, and it stuck me with it's sharp pickers, It stabbed my pretty face, so I was quick to become sickers, Within t...

My little spaceship got real crushy, when I hit an asteroid, I remember mommy telling me, asteroids I should avoid, But when relaxing out in...

There is a little hominid, and he thinks I'm his Uncle Lee, I am clearly a spider monkey, a spider monkey, I be, I do not walk on two hi...

My trailer was surrounded by mean, billy goats, They came ashore at the lakefront, in motor boats, I knew I couldn't win, As they chewed...

I tried wearing a real long, silvery beard, It was shiny and looked unnatural, weird, It made me cough, I cut it off, I cut my finger, and m...

There was an obese hominid, living in my maple tree, He said that I was his uncle, he then called me, Uncle Lee, I said, "that can'...

When I drive down the street, I like to do the weave, That's why I got arrested by Officer Steve, He said I looked pale, He put me in ja...

Benjamin played the Little Fugue by J. S. Back, He uploaded it to the app they call Tic Tok, They say, Benny played pretty good, On his reco...

At 13, I read a horror story, by Eddie Poe, The story was so scary, I could not walk, I couldn't go, It frightened, so bad, When I was a...

I moved to a parallel universe, and the creatures there were leeches, The only food that I could find there, were the leeches and jar-canned...

My sassy, little monkey's name was Mayberry-Dean, She ate all her dinner, but got gassed up by the bean, We made her stay ten feet away,...

My neighbor made some delicious, pirate soup, It came from canned goods, he stole off someone's stoop, He also stole some bread, Wanted ...

I'm investing money in those political memes, It's just like buying chocolates, full of sugar creams, You could taste, pickle sour, ...

There were two old grisly bears, and they lived out in the woods, They grew their own potatoes, and hunted Red Ridding Hoods, They also like...

About 100 dogs ran down a long, sunny hill, Chasing a big, green dragon through a wide field of dill, The dragon got to the water, Swam off,...

There was once an advanced hominid species, far smarter than man, They only ate macaroni, and it had to come from a can, After adding small ...

I heard some movement underground, out amongst the rows of graves, I saw hands pierce the wet earth, as the dead left their coffin caves, I ...

There's a serpent living out in our great bay, In the winter, that's where the serpent will stay, Don't go out in a boat,  He wi...

A little goblin was hanging outside my door, The gob had a bow, an arrow, and one thing more, He had a stick, That little sick, The gob whac...

There was an Anglo-Saxon, sitting in my willow tree, He was nibbling on a crumpet, and sipping on some tea, I asked him if his crumpet taste...