LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

My little pony ate a goldfish, now pony has a belly ache, I told him not to do it, but he did it for belligerence sake, My pony puked on the...

I lost all my eye cones, and without eye cones, I cannot see, All the pretty colors that the angels painted, just for me, I still can see bo...

I turned into blubber by taking the cabs, So, I went to the gym to build up my abs, I turned my soft blubber, Into a hard rubber, I changed ...

I had the biggest turkey in the village, So big, that they raised higher, my tax millage, But, on turkey cook day, The big turkey got away, ...

I went into the woods hunting, and I found me a deer, It was the end of November, and cold weather was here, I fired my big gun, The deer to...

I slow rode my crooked broomstick to the store,  I'm a witch, who likes to sweep the floor, I try the ripe, fresh fruit, And, vegetable ...

I found an old limerick, laying on the kitchen floor, I picked it up, and it had ground into it, something more, It was a fried potato skin,...

To work, I wore my brand new paisley suit, That very day, my boss gave me the boot, He said never come back, It was a permanent sack, "...

Uncle Lee was in the hood, buying sausage and pop, Uncle Lee wore his new shoes that go flip and then flop, Uncle Lee, then went back to his...

If I could have a little pig, a little pig would do, If I could have a little pig, then I would name him Blue, We could buy candy at the sto...

It's iconic this, iconic that, it's iconic all day long, Everything is not iconic, stop speaking, you crazed, ding dong, You have hu...

I went blackberry picking, and dropped a blackberry upon the ground, I bent over to pick up the berry, and heard a bear growling sound, I sc...

There was something goopy, that came up through my straw, I sucked it from my soda pop, into my jaw, What a maddening, big waste, I used a t...

Ignorance is what I practice, every single day, Ignorance is my happy place, and that's the place I stay, For those who are smarty, I...

Jimmy owned a grocery store, and it was the plaza anchor, Other plaza shops included, were a pharmacy and banker, Jimmy owned the land, coll...

I dug taters out of the ground, so I could have some dinner, Just one tater came from the hole, it was massive, a winner, But, it was full o...

My favorite foot, is the one with thirty-five toes, It goes where I want it, like the foot already knows, The foot with toes, maxed at five,...

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me, They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree, As winter ...

Terry is a tubaleer, his tuba sound is Jim dandy, When Terry plays his tuba, many sing and dance, like Randy, Randy stomps his two fat feet,...

Looking under his chair, Jim found himself, a piece of chili, It was only a single bean, it was furry and frilly, It tasted uncouth, It pois...

I got bit by a nasty old shark, In the wading pool at the pet park, But, there was a doggy, He looked after, poor me, The dog chased off the...

Terry played the tuba in parades in Tucker Town, Every holiday, he'd parade uptown to down, Back aches made Terry moan, So, he switched ...

My sweetie had a tantrum, oh yes, my sweetie had a big fit, My sweetie kicked me out of the house, so I sleep by the fire pit, It's so c...

There once was a cutie pie, The dear love that made me cry, I said "oh, good grief", Cutie was a thief, I bid my wallet, bye, bye.

I'm not good at reading, and my writing is pretty sad, I can type some on my cellphone, so that negates some bad, I find rad, iconic mem...

My soda was not hot, and my soda pop was not cold, My soda pop was flat, because my soda was so old, Most times, its cold and fizzy, Which m...

I bought a new, clearance hoodie; it had a paisley design, I thought I would go show it off, at the local dine and wine, I knew I must look ...

There was a Griffin sitting up in an ash tree, His laser sharp talons, sliced both arms off of me, He bit off my head, Thought then, I was d...

She gave me a three foot tall of maybes, when I asked her for a date, Then gave me a two month bout with scabies, she's a zero, I did ra...

I opened up a can of fish, and made some mackerel stew, I pulled out quite a few bones that I fed to my kitten, Boo, Boo ate the mackerel bo...

Our outdoor potty seems far, far away, As the cold wind blows on this winter day, There is the old coffee can, Half filled by our cousin, An...

The cold winter wind blows, then repeats, It's winter, and I have no blankets or sheets, Deliveries are at a stop, Even for my dear, sod...

There was a young pilgrim at my front door,  He delivered cranberries from the store, I paid him a tip,  Away he did skip, He fell on his bu...

I sold glazed donuts in my own glazed donut store, I became filthy rich, and then went dirty poor, A cave in of my dwelling, Caused donuts t...

I walked all the way to Tranquility Base, There, a mean moon monster got into my face, Feeling real tough that day, I told him to run away, ...

I snuck into the mountain, and the dwarfs did not hear a thing, I grabbed and ran away, with their sparkling jewels, and gold bling, Then I ...

Jimmy found a porcelain toilet, he could use on Christmas Eve, Jimmy liked eating candy canes, but the canes would make him heave, On this h...

It was early morning, and Larry's feet were covered with snow, And, everywhere that Larry went, the snow would blow blow, blow, Although...

Because its hull is made of the cheapest tin, My quantum time machine, broke down, once again, A small puncture makes woe, My machine just w...

Once upon a time, there was a pig, named Hannibal, He liked eating bacon, and was called a cannibal, On one nice, sunny, fine day, He fell a...

Sammy torments the little crawling bugs, Bugs get even with deep digs, and wide dugs, Mostly, the bugs bite, But, Sammy ain't bright, Sa...

Bell fish are swimming and mating, way out in the bay, They go ding and they go dong, and they ding dong all day, Baby bell fish are chimes,...

It is so strange how decades pile in my past, It seems years fall away; with no good times that last, No dead flesh date, To be worm bait, S...

I sleep away my afternoons, I sleep away my mornings, I sick call everyday to work, Despite my bosses' warnings, If my financials weren...

I'm an online influencer, and I went to jail, I only wish mama would cough up some bail, I had a fraud scheme, Selling a counterfeit mem...

Uncle Lee worked on a garbage truck, and picked up garbage all day long, While Uncle Lee picked all the garbage up, he would always sing a s...

I went to the local psychic, and what did she say? She said to move my family, far across the bay, I did just what she said, My family has f...

Denny had a chamber pot, made of porcelain as white as snow, Every place  that porcelain pot sat,  Denny was sure to go, When the bedroom ch...

It lasted only a day and a night, late, last October, It was all Halloween, and I dressed like my dog named, Rover, On my tv screen, Jason c...

By my dining table, I have a chair for my seat, On top of the dining table, I nothing to eat, Where I bought my table and chair, I spent all...

I went out to scrape pavement, because I was hungry for sup, Didn't know if the critter was a weasel, or someone's stray pup, Too sm...

Benny sang soloist in a choir gang, Benny ate too many beans, before he sang, As Benny's britches rang and rang, The choir master said, ...

I made a voodoo doll for the man on Sucker St. He sold me a can of tainted, pickled piggy feet, My family was up all night, Getting toilet t...

My meanie wife was a little witch, and a little witch she was, She cast spells on everyone, and her reason was just because, She turned my k...

I'm locked in on taking a college, online test, It's on rocket science, where my brain works the best, I know the formulas for down ...

I went into my bedroom chambers to nab me some sleep, I would have done that, except for the visiting ghost creep, He just once, shouted ...

There was this little sunfish, I tried to deep fat fry, Then a grease spatter popped, taking out my one good eye, In my bad eye I see fizzy,...

I had summer sausage for my dinny, din, din, Much greased dripped down onto my fat chinny, chin chin, Mixing with pieces of cheese, It drew ...

After Halloween, my Halloween, cut pumpkin made me cry, I was emotionally trashed, as I watched him rot and die, So I fed him to the yard bi...

I fell toward the wood floor when I slipped, My shirt caught on a nail and it ripped, My landing was hard, It caught me off guard, So, the r...