LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

There is a very young dragon, his name is Mickey, Mickey will snot on his victims and that is icky, He don't breath fire, Friends are hi...

Mabel the cook, makes baked, delicious, pork beans She feeds them to her four kids, the in-be-tweens, Hubby will eat pie, The beans he won...

I went to the dead critter store, and bought me fresh ground beef, I took it home to my young'uns for their famine relief, But the kids ...

A griz set a bear trap in front of my front door, When J stepped into the bear trap, my foot got sore, I yelled really loud, Didn't attr...

Mabel is an influencer, but she can only influence pie, She'll influence the crust to be flaky, but then it is way too dry, Mabel got a ...

The green leaves are all dying to brown, the skies are gray, The summer has passed, and for those fine times we will pay, In this technical ...

I'm A little baby hermit, and I'm an adventurous cuss, I'm only six months old, but every morning I take a bus, I head to a down...

Jimmy had big bugs land all over his face, They ate off his pimples, and now he looks ace, Jimmy is now brat, That's where he is at, He ...

I'm a baby hermit, and my ma put me to bed, I fell fast asleep, when I laid down my hermit head, My strange, weird hermit genes, Made me...

It crawled from the deep, dark sea to the land, It ate the entire varsity band, It was hungry for some more, Swam to the island next door, A...

I am a baby hermit, and I have climbed up into a tree, Ma and pa and sis and bro, have been looking all around for me, When one walks under ...

I fell into a real deep, boggy, peat moor, Started sinking toward the dead place door, Along came a rabbit, I reached out to grab it, The ra...

Ned was a little watermelon super, special seed, When his mama got broke open, Ned fell into the weed, The very next spring, Ned sprouted, H...

Everywhere that pappy pig went, Pinker was surely to go, Pinker had the bad flatulence, and he let everybody know, Embarrassing pappy, Made ...

I have a nice pink colored pet pig, named Pinker, He fishes with a cane pole, bobber and sinker, Just like his dear, old pappy, Pinker likes...

My anchor, my love,  Sleeping, peaceful dove, Great quiet,  Sound diet, Relaxed low, above.

I walked outside into the darkness, because I heard a loud noise, I ran into the boogeyman, and he was playing with my toys, He had my leaf ...

I sued for peace the mean, itchy, hungry head lice, My last offer gave to them, a real good entice, So that I can get some sleep, And my cra...

When the three bears came to visit, they were really, really nice, They bought over some sweet tea, flavored with a cinnamon spice, As I sip...

The bigger they are, the more they have gall, Those wide, and heavy, and overly tall, My arm cannot reach, To touch them, to teach, One slap...

Frank picked little red strawberries, and put them in his bowl, Before he set each berry down, Frank kissed them with his soul, The berries ...

I have a bicycle built for two, Of course, my backseat broke off on you, Because you nag talk, I'll just let you walk, And I'll bike...

Today my dear, pretty mama unicorn, Had a precious, little corn baby born, The baby corn was stuck, From mama, I did pluck, I pulled out the...

My little puppy stayed up all night with his best frog, friend Fred, I told them to sleep; puppy said that he'd sleep when he was dead, ...

In my home, the fruit flies found caves where they could sleep, The caves were my nostrils, I blew out a huge heap, The fruit flies flew awa...

Serious squirrels love their found, big cigarette butts, Squirrels store found butts away, as if they were nuts, In winter it snows and blow...

There was a clean scented squirrel named Amy, She had a little brother that smelled gamey, She had the super power, Shoved him into the show...

It had become extremely, full sunny, And my strawberry jam, became runny, I put nuts in the stew, Stirred the caloric brew, Adding cocoa Sli...

Because there was a pretty girl he wanted to woo, Donny moved abruptly to a town called Kalamazoo, He forgot his goldfish, His tan cat he ca...

There was a busy beaver that chewed on my hickory, He chewed right through the hard, hardwood, then downward fell my  tree, It fell upon my ...

We tried to launch gigantic rockets, but they all went downward bound, We couldn't break the curse called gravity, so our rockets kissed...

Bugs have laid eggs in my food, because my windows have no screens, That is why I have those maggots, swimming in my pork and beans, There i...

Mars, the dead red planet, is real dusty, It makes my white spaceship, look all rusty, Mars is far and away, A place I will not stay, I'...

I came upon a Minotaur, and he gored me with his horns, I had just been food shopping, so I dropped all my cans of corns, I dropped my butte...

I love saltine crackers, because they taste good, Everybody eats them, in my neighborhood, I eat them with salt and cheese, Peppered cracker...

I am losing my election, and I'm guessing I must cheat, Nobody likes me, after I gave out some free, pickled meat, My manager, Little To...

Jimmy picked up many earthworms and put them in glass jars, He took out the dead ones, and fed them to his kitty, Lars, He saved his better ...

Fast forward my little truck, will never, ever go, The engine won't turnover, and that's pretty, darn slow, I took it to repair, Tha...

Big, bad Donny was bed rotting for days and days, He only left bed to do potty or to graze, Donny drank soda sip, sip, sip, Then on the pott...

I went to the to The Two Bird Bar, Somebody keyed my new sporty car, When I came outside, I cried and I cried, The mean patrons went hardy, ...

I went way downtown, and got me a pretty kitty cat, Kitty cats are very popular, some would say they're brat, At the kitty store, I boug...

I just got home, and I put on water for stew, I put on some coffee, and I'm making that new, I do not have any meat, Or vegetables to ea...

At summer camp, little Timmy, completely wet his bed, Urine dripped down upon his lower bunk mate, big bad Ned, Ned got an unwanted surprise...

I got peppered sprayed, directly in my pretty eye, I was taken to the jail, and no one told me why, Not so much to eat, Mouse turds are a tr...

They said I should act more like a human bean, I thought that comment was very crass and mean, At any party, Beans make one farty, Then futu...

Because my house had loads of mice and rats, I decided to get myself some cats, They ate the mice today, Frightened the rats away, To deal w...

As I turned my old pickup down my home-sweet-home road, Noticed a contractor was tearing down my abode, I phone called a cop, Said please ma...

There was a small, skinny carp that lived in my front yard ditch, He swam around in the muck all day, and I named him Mitch, I saw kids with...

I live in Michigan, we have zillions of bugs They eat into your eyeballs, you share them, with hugs, Bugs poop on your pans and dishes, They...

I think my million dollar ship has come in, It is full of foreign, imported, sheet tin, I use to import lab mice, But they gave me bad lice,...

During summer heat, my air conditioner died, It ran so very long, it caught fire and fried, I thought it would be nice, If I made frozen ice...

In the latest, late of dark night, From an earwig, I got a bite, The evil dear, Was in my ear, I slapped my ear, with all my might.

My lettuce was all covered with nasty, slimy slugs, My tomatoes were hollowed by chewing beetle bogs,  My pickles in the weeds, The birds pi...

Today, I had been feeling sort of low, So I went to a downtown, magic show, Out of a top hat, Was pulled a big rat, The rat shouted out that...

I hit a baseball with a ball bat, The ball flew into space like a sat, For a minute that night, I watched my satellite, It burned up in the ...

I shot a squirrel that was up in a tree, I will eat squirrel meat, when I have my tea, You know what's what's, I found his nuts, I w...

Jim wished that he could consume some beef Beef and cola, for his hunger grief, Holy Mola,  Beef and cola, And constipation pills for relief...

I found a grotesque, giant, slimy slug, Crawling across my nice clean, new, white rug, I think it a bad crime, For a slug to spread slime, F...

I like going to the health club; the hot tub is for me, I have often wondered, if in the hot tub people pee, I asked my friend, the chemistr...

I am a sea captain, and I sailed on the sea, My darn ship hit a rock, and sank down, beneath me, That left me in the water, I swam like a se...