LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Ding Dong the big bear only ate skunk meat, It was so tasty, skunk meat was so sweet, Since he was a small feller, Ding Dong didn't have...

Randy lived way out in the sticks, He was covered with all kinds of ticks, He itched and he scratched, Till, his skin was detached, He g...

Door, Cougar scratching, Brow wet, shirt sweat, pants not dry, Man friendly? Doubtful. Cougar, hungry, food, Door scratched, window pan...

My good firewood was running real low, I had lots of green stuff but, it burned like a foe, You burn green it is said, When you're betwe...

I saw a spider-web when I looked outside, It was in my window, over half as wide, I found in the web, A black-widow named Deb, She bi...

Benny brought home to his wife some cheap crabs, The crabs were just little dribbles and dabs, They came in a can, Fried up well with Spam, ...

Someone was picking their nose, And, wiping it allover their clothes, Mama got mad, Nose picker got sad, I told everyone, and that added to ...

There once was a TV intern named Vern Benderback, He always ate his cheese balls from a brown paper sack, Vern was married twice, Both times...

Morris bought a used time machine, but his time travels did not last, Morris was eaten by a dinosaur, back in the distant past, The dinosaur...

Jimmy the werewolf eats only toes off of feet, His diet is strictly eating toe meat, He loves chewing toe bone, If it hurts, just make a lou...

Kayzears the dragon popped out of an egg, As soon as she popped, she ate my left leg, The kids hid in a box, Kayzears was smart as a fox, Af...

Kayzears the dragon has lived for 12,000 years, She loves eating pie, and pickled human ears, She can make someone cry, By eating their thig...

New Years Eve I had over all my bosses, And, they drank down all my sauces, My party got praise, But I didn't get a raise, My alcohol br...

I wanted just two fingers of whisky, but the frostbite took four, I gave the bar keep the one finger, and he threw me out the door, I laid i...

On New Years Eve Dave went to a rave, It was such a party that Dave didn’t behave, He ran down a main street, Tripped over his fat feet, ...

Patty's pies are really bitter, Although she brags them up on Twitter, The inside is like soup, Smells like a dog coop, The baking b...

It's another fun filled "Happy Boxing Day". From my boring work, I will stay far, far away, I'll come home at three, Have ...

The great, grand tuna god of elves, trolls and gnomes, He is always reciting gross, fishy poems, He likes poems about bass, Because they rhy...

My oboe had too many holes, so I plugged some with chewing gum, Then when I played my oboe, it made a horrible, hissing hum, So, my music I ...

I could not pay my gas bill for months, because those funds I lack, I'm waiting for my kerosene heater to heat up my shack, In a couple ...

My little pet toad sleeps so easy, He drinks rum but, he never gets queasy, His constitution's deluxe It is never in flux, Even with...

I went fishing, wading out in the dark, I was hungry and my kitchen was stark, I had my red worms and beer, And, the beer gave me such ch...

I chipped some flint to make some fire, I made a few sparks, but my arms started to tire, So, I took out a match, Struck a flame that...

Tony liked his sports, if he could play with real blue balls, So, he played at beaches searching for the best blue volleyballs Soon he came ...

I went to Miami and bought me some eggs, I cracked one open, and got a beak and two legs, Two eyes were staring at me, So, I fried it all in...

PP033122 Benny built a time machine, But, he benefited not, For when he went back to change the past, The future he forgot.  

Jim is just a squatter on this little blue ball, earth, Jim squats, and squats, and squats, and grows a bigger girth,  One day Jim will gala...

I published a post, but the post was not ready, It had all the words, but the logic was unsteady, So, I spent all the day, Moving word...

There are not too many trumpets in my band, Because they played so bad most of the kids were banned, But, through some band parent/teach...

Freddy fried a big pan of a food called bubble and squeak, He fed it to his five hound dogs, and soon the house did wreak, Freddy used his b...

My porcelain rabbit went to the floor, It scattered pieces from the TV to the door, The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase, Bu...

In my crawl space there lives a great beast, He brews his own beer and demands lots of yeast, But, where my wallet stops, Is buying pr...

LITTLE PIGGY, LITTLE PIGGY Little piggy, little piggy your cuteness is lame, You are not housebroken and therefor not tame, No matter how...

Bill liked his pork chops, he ate them sit times a day, Bill raised his own pigs, and saved money that way, One day Bill's heart, it sto...

I went to Salisbury to eat me some stake, It's served between big buns, best that anyone can bake, With sausage gravy and cheese, For li...

There was no shadow behind the tree, Because the sun was history, For the skies darkening clouds, Were like piling on shrouds, I was...

My rhubarb pie came out real squishy, Cousin Tim, wouldn't eat it, nor would cousin Trishy, Uncle Bob ate it, and got really sick, ...

There was a rock bass named Murky, When he swam he swam really Jerky, He swam over a dam, Did a forehead slam, Now he thinks that he is ...

Thurmond's telescope made the news one day, When Thurmond saw spacecrafts heading our way, After networks broadcast his words, ...

I found a little fig, It seemed to dance a jig, Was ate by a goat named Tig, Who chewed up my daddy's wig, All, while potatoes I did dig...

I love to get free candy canes everywhere I go, But, now most stores don't give them out,  So, my stash stays pretty low, Of cours...

The Christmas presents I got, I took back to the store, I can use the cash from the returns, much, much more, I can pay my heat and lights, ...

The bear put shiny tinsel on his toes, Wherever he travels, the tinsel goes, No one will dare, Making fun of that bear, Or, they be counting...

A werecoyote has come along, So, I wrote a werecoyote song, He was my best friend Mat, Then he ate my tom cat, A werecoyote is a critter tha...

When the snow blows and cold comes through your cracks, You stuff newspaper in the holes to keep warm your shacks, Shove up the stove with...

Peter I and Peter II were competitive twins, They also shared both their virtues and their sins, They both had a penchant for mutton, Upon w...

I went outside and got the mail, at the breaking of the dawn, It was no greeting card, but a notice I was overdrawn, I went to the bank, I w...

There was a red pine tree named Willie, He had few needles and looked silly, All the other trees, Did nothing but tease, The near naked ...

Christmas is all over, and I am giving Uncle Jake a golden star, He did not try to run us over in his Lincoln Continental car, I took away h...

When Inky my pet octopus died, His friend Boris, the bear cried and cried Down my new toilet bowel, Went Inky's remains and soul, To the...

My pet octopus has run out of ink, That's why he has turned a pale shade of pink, His friend, my pet bear, Is very aware, For the two of...

For Christmas dinner, I forgot to bake pie, I was confronted by my guests, who asked why? I was so full of despair, I pulled out my hair, An...

There was a robot named Mort, For a tin man he was real short, He could not compute, Or, do a square root, He couldn't even write a ...

Trina the snow-lady got hammered by storm, It was blowy and snowy, real windy and warm, Trina was no brainy, And, when the snow became rainy...

                              LCB I eat my crumpets, sip my tea, From my kitchen, I can see, I have a beautiful pine tree, It's free spi...

They were called the Winter Wonder Band, They Played polka across all the land, People who danced, Were soul enhanced, Gorging on cabbage an...

Mary’s toes were really jammed, Her smelly feet gave her friends woe, But, her nose was stuffed and smelled no scent, So, she gave her n...

Those little elves have been spying for Santa Claus, I haven't been good, so this years presents might pause, I think it wise, Not to ap...

Brain eating zombie, Biter, ouch, headache, brains, brains, Guy, baseball bat, ouch!!! P211323

A pterodactyl flew off with my banana, A triceratops ripped off my bandana,  A brontosaurus stole my car, An ichthyosaur grabbed my gu...