LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

The big ball was dropped on New Year's Eve,🕛🎉🎉🎉🔔 It crushed a guy below, named Steve,🚶 There was not time for us to grieve,😢 The ...

I tried to milk some buttermilk from butterflies who flied, But I did not get no buttermilk, and all the butterflies died, Woe is me, I shou...

On the Eve of New Year's, I went beddybye, It was long before midnight so, I missed the old year die, But it was year of bad dealings, S...

It's the end for 2022, Boohoo, boohoo, No use to fret and stew, Not much one can do, But figure out which airlines, that we need to sue.

I need to change in the year 2022, Or it will be another year that I truly rue, I'll paint my bedroom blue, Buy all my sweats brand new,...

I once had a pet  blood sucker named Pete, Only my blood Pete would eat, And as Pete grew much fatter, I became mad as a hatter, Lack of blo...

We know where the monsters are, they living out in your sleep, And if you do not keep awake, they will make your kinfolk weep, The monsters ...

Santa made reindeer jerky, after he stored away the sleigh, Santa made plenty of jerky, enough to feed the elves until May, Santa made reind...

I bought some floor tile but made the wrong pick, My self-sticking floor tile didn't want to stick, So, I got out some glue, And, whe...

There was a little angel, sitting on my toe, He was scratching his back, on the toenail I let grow, There was a little devil, sitting on my ...

I limped down the street with my work tired feet,👣 I was looking for a booth with hot soup to eat,🍜 I entered one and got soup,🍵 Like a c...

Tim blows the snow all winter long, Wearing heavy cloths and a woolen thong, He sings a jolly snowblower song, One might conclude Tim is din...

The kitchen boss called me a stup, A certified nincompoop, That made me so mad, I done a real bad, I poured too much salt into the soup.

The needles on my Christmas tree, were treated with bug spray, So when I drank pine needle tea, I was dead by end of day, The ground was fro...

When blogging a blog, wear blogger socks, That's when my blog really rocks, When trading stock online, Drink red trader wine, And those ...

Mini Ta Ta was an otter, She liked movies, like Harry Potter, She did magic tricks, With homemade toothpicks, She moved to Florida where it ...

Granny liked to catch fish out of season, She liked to eat them that was her reason, She caught bass and brown trout, And any others abou...

There was a sunfish that liked to eat oyster, He marinated it to make it much moister, He once invited over a date, But, his oyster did n...

I had four chickens in my coup, They all could do the hula hoop, I needed one for chicken soup, I picked the chicken that peed it's poop...

Online bloggers have confused me a lot,😈🖥 I can't remember if something happened or not,🤔⌛⏳ It seems The Mandela Effect shall reign,...

Mini Ta Ta picked her nose, She wiped the booger between her toes, Be it a dragon or a rose, She wanted to see just what grows, Then she...

Mom went to the market for holiday sauce, I rode along because she was the boss, Mom picked out some wine, And very thin twine, For after ea...

I hung up my socks by the old fireplace, Hoping that Santa would come in the night, I had no cookies sitting on the doily of lace, My fu...

I wish Santa would bring me some cloths, Like some socks to thaw out my toes, Maybe a coat to stay warm, Boots to walk a snow storm, And som...

I went outside because I'm so messy, When I deck out my Christmas tree, My brains I soak, With rum and coke, That's why my bulbs are...

I fear I will not do so well,💀 When I die, and where I dwell,👻 For my favorite dish,🍤 Is a pile of shellfish,🦀 They're an abominatio...

Mrs. Claus debated what she'd have for dinner on Christmas Day, Then, she saw all those reindeer hitched behind her husband's sleig...

There's frost under my trailer skirts, I'm under winter storm weather alerts, A polar blow is forthcoming,  That's why I am bumm...

I HUNG UP MY SOCKS I hung up my socks by the old fireplace, Hoping that Santa would come in the night, I had no cookies sitting on the d...

There's a sad looking bear under my apple tree, He ain't eating apples, he's waiting for me, I'd give him a hug, And pull hi...

The day before Christmas, Wanda Wendt went store Shopping, From store to store, Wanda Wendt went whip hopping, When Wanda uncorked red wine,...

Wanda went shopping the day after Thanksgiving, She spent every dime that she had made for her living, She bought the kids some electronic...

Where does all the sewage go? It flows into the sea, To feed the many algae, so more algae they can be, Where does all the garbage go? It fl...

Mark the unicorn was a menace to the sleigh, He'd stick his horn through the sides and poke the elves everyday, Mark poked Santa too, Wh...

All Jenny ever wanted was to visit planet Mars, She had no ambition to seek out distant stars, But the space program was shut down, There...

My flower was looking real sick, I think it was bit by a tick, But, it was not of high station, Like a rose or carnation, So, I j...

Mossy my milk cow, she pulled Santa's sleigh, That's because the reindeer had all run away, Santa had gained many a pound, The sleig...

Mossy the cow ate my Christmas tree, She knew that I loved it, but she had to spite me, Mossy had a smile, I a frown, But I turned them upsi...

There are lots of zombies living out on backwoods streets, Waiting for tourist, seasonal treats, So come stay a spell, Where the real zombie...

I had a hot toasted pastry for my meal, It burnt my lips and made them peel, I saw Santa today, My burnt lips could not say, All I want is a...

Scabies covered nearly all of my skin, They're itchiness gave me a grimacing grin, The next day I was found, I bled out on the ground, T...

I am afraid my trailer ain't rolling nowhere, It got ripped right in half by a huge grizzly bear, The bear ate the kids,  Methinks that...

My prop taxes are due once again, They've gone up on my shack made of tin, During the last four big fires, My trailer lost all four tire...

My poor little dilly dog went swimming way too fast, He was swimming up a river, so of course he did not last, Down the river dilly dog flow...

There was a giant monkey fox sitting in the woods, He was chewing on the bones of some Red Ridding Hoods, And, boy those bones were good, Be...

They played so fast their brand new banjos caught on fire, The fire was so very hot it melted every wire, Now the banjos must cool down, So ...

I heard giggles and I knew it weren't me, It was the top cupboard; I climbed up there to see, To my despair, There was an elf living the...

When I lie I get an ache in my tooth, But I can't stand to tell ma the truth, It wasn't a foul fox, That gave my brother the pox, It...

My name is Magnolia and I smell like a beast, I always smell foul after a Christmas ham feast, I like cheese, peppers and kraut, Stuffed in ...

There was a fuzzy guy named Randy,  He left fuzz all over the Candy, Then Candy got mad, And made Randy sad,  With a new beau who showered n...

Jim's trip to a castle he had to spoil, By mouthing off to a big gargoyle, Who had fists of stone, That broke Jim's face bone, A...

Larry played a sonata on his big pianoforte, Some thought it real funny, when Larry picked at his nose warty, The loud laughter, it prevaile...

I saw four circles hovering way, way up in the sky, I knew they were aliens when they let their heat beams fly, Bad for me I'm ...

There was a slithering orange snake in the snow, He slithered out onto the highway to glow, When they saw the snow snake, Each  car hit the ...

I ran out the door because I was not brave, When my bratwurst caught fire in my microwave, I blamed it on a mouse, Chewing wires in t...

Ben ran over a sharp wire, It punctured right through his tire, In just a little bit, The wire the lightning hit, That caused a massive ...

My barn has several stray cats, They feed on mice and dead bats, I let them cats be, Feed them no biscuits and tea, Or, they'll ...

I have a volcanic eruption in my yard,  It's burns my tomato plants, and fries my Swiss chard, Oh, oh, no, woe is me, I'm drinking l...

A flying saucer landed in my yard, It really caught me way off guard, Especially when out popped two green men, Both were tall and very t...

Jenny won an automatic toaster, Jim won a new oven-roaster, Jeffy won a coat, Jamie won a boat, All I won was a stained paper coaster...