LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I was born having great expectations, Alas, they stayed only aspirations, For when I grew up, It took all my coin just to sup, In mom's ...

Benny has a great big tree, Where he sits up in the sky, Eating his potato chips, And, eating apple-pumpkin pie, Benny ponders on the u...

I went out hunting bear, The bear went out hunting me, I dropped my gun and went on the run, But the bear beat me to my RV, I went out ...

The only way I'll make a cake,🍩 Is if it's fried; I never bake.💥 I'll include a pinch of pumpkin spice,🎃 It's Halloween, ...

There was nothing but methane on old planet "D", Then, I lit up my cigar and the planet went "B" , Oh what a da...

I never knew a zombie who didn't like brains packed in his lunch, I never knew a vampire who didn't like blood in his blood punch,...

When you go out trick or treating,  That's when werewolves will be eating, But a demon dog, Who eats like a hog, On werewolves he be fee...

Someone said that when I go sleepy, Then my house looks really creepy, It creeks and cracks, It coughs and hacks, It cries like it is we...

I decided to hide all night, Halloween, Witches, vampires, werewolves are just not my seen, Then, down from the sky, A martian drop...

Chickens don't go to heaven when they die, Sometimes they are roasted but, most often they fry, Though cleaning chickens may sicken, ...

100 hungry demons came storming through my door, They ate my pets and family, still they wanted more, I know demons are really bad, But I co...

In winter out in Michigan's deep pine woods, I've lived mostly on canned beans and a lot of dry goods, I've lived in just shac...

A zombie who had no charm, Bit off my pretty right arm, Then after he fed, He walked away with the dead, I reincarnated as a pig on a farm....

Such dreaded heat I can't remember, I'm using air conditioning in late September, But soon, ho, ho, ho, We'll be covered w...

The full moon brings September woe, We will be soon consumed by rain then snow, The snow won't go away, Until April it will stay,🏂 ...

My unrequited love, I know you go on to the world of lovers where I will not be, Still, in my heart I imagine you stay here with me, ...

A hammerhead shark was spotted today, They are seldom seen out in Grand Traverse Bay, But, this shark was at ease, Riding around on jet skis...

This is a strawberry June, A world where normal is the buffoon Where truth dies on the spot, Between what is real and is not, Guess, I'l...

Jenny went out alone to see the moon, It was full and round like a big balloon, But, she forgot to beware, For the werewolves were there,...

On Halloween a witch flew her broom, She flew really low and went Zoom!!! She hit a rock, It cleaned her clock, Her broom then blew up a...

Santa bought a winter house in Palm Springs, He went there when he was done with  Santa things, At the club he dressed so debonair, He lo...

There was a flat worm named Jimmy, And in Robert's tummy, he'd shimmy, Jim's babies made Robert unwell, The babies Robert did ex...

What if the universe runs out of time, Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime? Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers? ...

I put pepper and salt, In my Halloween malt, And a dash of sweet pumpkin too, Along with spider eyes, And little fat flies, Makes you ready ...

LEPRECHAUNS There was a leprechaun named Pete, Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat, He was full of green gas, And, could not get a...

There was a psychic named Dottie Mapes, She got her powers from the vine of grapes, When she indulged she'd see such shapes, Some wer...

Rachel played on her bassoon, Rick spit into his spittoon, Dick, Dave and Fred, Danced the dance of the dead, All, under an All Hall...

I went to the visit the big state fair, Lots of big cows and fat piggys were there, The chickens looked lean, The goats were just mean, ...

My woods is dying, My eyes are crying, Winter's here, Warm days are dear, And snowflakes will be flying.

There once was a tortoise who ate only eclairs, The tortoise laid 3 eggs and from the 3 eggs came 3 bears, Then there was the bird, That nob...

He was a demon dog, Who went and ate my hog, Then he bit me, I spilled my tea, Then my dying brain was a fog.

When my Halloween pumpkin started to smoke, I put out the fire with my Coke, With a fork, gave Pumpky a little poke, Hoped no curse, he will...

On every Halloween, Most ghosts get really mean, They want only candy, not hugs They behave like real thugs, And vampires, they're a wor...

All I had was a bottle of glue, Some tuna that had turned green and blue, Some bug that had warts, Little twigs of all sorts, And that's...

My cookies are tasting real funky, And their smell, reminds me of skunky, Of course the cookies I'll eat, For my afternoon treat, I'...

Warpy, Warpy time machine, Warp me to a place where I can clean, Warp me not to a place of power, Just warp to a place I can shower, ...

The meat from the can was supposed to be pork, But, it was real chewy and tasted like cork, So, I took a glug of my drink, Which made my gum...

Jenny said she'd bake a scratch cake, But, it came from a box and thus was a fake, The frosting came from a can, What ...

An evil leprechaun named Kinderbean, Went trick and treating each Halloween, He would steal candy bars, He'd soap up windshields on c...

Barkley was a buffalo, He lived in Manistee, And, everywhere that Barkley went, He showed hostility, Barkley tore up every bar, He tra...

My time machine broke down in the time of Ganges Khan, It was a time where brains had no standing against brawn, Khan was vicious and not r...

Lyrics by Leigh Collin Brandt, draft All Alone I just sit in darkness, thinking all about you, Like a stone, my heart is sinking for I dread...

There was a souse with a can of beans, My eldest brother Ted was his name, He can do what he wants so long as the floor he cleans, If he ...

Everyone knows the tale of old Ben Taylor, For he had snakes inside his trailer, There were menacing snakes of every type, They all crawl...

I went to the club and danced under the lights, My eyes got all red, and everything was all brights, I met someone dear, We took a walk on t...

Someone stole my tether ball and left me just the string, Now what am I supposed to do with just that stringy thing? Do I play with it with ...

I decided to get my Christmas tree early, Because by Christmas they'll all be gone, surely, I cut it down in the woods, And against my o...

I went to the boss over our earnings disparity, He told me he didn't run a communist charity, He said because I voiced a dislike, I shou...

I gave the planet called world, a tremendous gift, I invented the lever, now the world has some lift, Now we can teeter and totter, And drin...

I went fishing for lunker bluegills at the bottom of the lake, I knew a big fat earthworm was the bait that they'd take, But along c...

My robot's name is Ned, He's a help unless his battery goes dead, He is average at checkers, But, makes turkey-club double-...

Seagulls, garbage sacks, Rip, Tear, Pick, Peck, wind, big mess, Labor, hours, BIRDS!!!

Car door, closed, hand smashed, Grave pains, suffering, scream, tears, Bones broke, cast, woe me.

My cherry-chocolate wedding cake, Took my aunt three days to make, The frosting, divine, Chased down with red wine, And, th...

On trending media I found my wish,  It was a recipe for baked tuna fish, With all the spices galore, It was hot, hot;  I want more, ...

I wish my sister would stop slurping and drooling, For my lunch appetite is rapidly cooling, At age 45, She won't leave ma's hive, A...

Winston was an old silver dime, He was so lazy it was a crime, He lay on a book shelf, Being quietly stealth, He was found and spent by ...

In the hall of bullies we count just nine, Only one barked abuse, the others stayed fine, But it does not matter, The abused quickly scatter...

Benny had a bad habit in his head, He liked to eat fish sticks while lying in bed, Later, the fish stick debris would smell, Which with f...

Wayland the Smith was the king of the elves, He worked in Detroit making big engine valves, He got really tired one day, From his hard wo...