LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I wonder what the fish are thinking? And, because fish are in water are they always drinking? I wonder if they speculate about the natur...

A dirt farm, some pigs and a still, Grandpa's old farmhouse on the hill, Although the old man was poor, He'd work till he was sor...

My name is Dan, Because I'm a man, I eat beans from a can, And eggs from a pan, From the house, I got a ban.

I fried me some squash blossoms in my old frying pan, Then I fried me some baked beans, I cut out of a can, Although it all smelled like car...

There once was a peasant named Bill, Finding pennies gave him a thrill, He once found a dime, But, it was only one time, Finding pennies...

I wonder if I still can vote? I never learned to read nor wrote, My address is a giant tote, Out on the bay is where I float, I eat goat che...

Brenda would serve all types of hard cheese, Along with some cornbread and homemade herb teas, Though she dined all alone, With her...

A limerick pie is nothing more, Than stringing words together for, A little fun, Maybe a pun, Or, some wisdom at the core.

Gordo bragged he was a dragon slayer, But, no knight considered him a real player, When a dragon came around, Gordo was not to be found, ...

Gordo the Dragon Slayer was kind of a runt, He charged a big dragon but it was a stunt, The dragon breathed fire, It made Gordo retire, ...

Carrie likes to cheat at checkers, Making false kings via double-deckers, If you turn away for a time, She'll add crowns down the line, ...

I went for a walk with my dog, Sally, She took a leak and filled up the valley, Women and children all cried, The crocodiles died, We suped ...

I went to the park to walk my dog, Sally, She was excited, and dug a park valley, I got beat and arrested, My sanity tested, Now I live with...

I wanted very quiet pets upon which I could opine, So I bought a bowl and those shrimp that are supposed to live in brine,  Now on the r...

I bought some graham crackers to take on a retreat, I covered them with chocolate frosting; the crackers were ready to eat, Now, someone b...

Davey collected silver coins minted in the United States, He had every type of coin and all the coin type dates, Davey was cleaver and bol...

This morning I voted 10 times, I was informed, 9 of those 10 times were crimes, I promised, I learned my lesson, So, I'll stop confessin...

It's the last day of June and fishing I've gone, I'm catching nothing but weeds from the lake bottoms thick lawn, It seems ...

Gorban was really proud of his great looks, Which is why he didn't attend to his school books, But he made lots of money, And kept...

In a small, shallow pond there lived a tadpole named Mike. Now Mike had several hundred brothers and sisters however, Mike’s brothers and s...

Well, I rowed my little dingy across the big lake, Over there fascists steal all the bake goods I bake, It's so very good to be free, Fr...

Benny use to like to bet,, He could hit high C on his cornet, He'd bet he'd vibrate with B, Then squeal out a D, Benny owes me much ...

Summer starts in the month of June, Not aligned with the full moon, Somehow that seems quite out of tune, Like when Jen plays trumpet, after...

Living 22 meters below the sea, There was a cute, little sea horsey, It was a sea horse park, Except for the shark, Who ate the sea horsey a...

Danny was a grocer; ten times a millionaire, He thought himself a big shot; he figured he was there, So he bought a big boat, To join the ya...

I heard a echo in my house, It was the voice of Jingles, my late spouse, Jingles said to me, " You'll never be free," And ...

Lynn was a walrus with an average weight, But, she thought that her pounds gave her no chance to date, So, she would not eat a thing, Fro...

Little Skinny Warner, Worked a street corner, Selling chili with beans, Little Skinny Warner, Faked the accent of a foreigner, To at...

Out on the sofa, I thought I'd take a lie, But I was bitten by a hungry, biting little fly, He bit me on my nose, and took a tinkle on m...

I about had a heart attack, When the wind blew down my little shack, It's the past, I won't look back Lots of firewood to stack, I...

Because my spaceship traveled slow, There was no planet I could go, I hailed a starship for a tow, I had some money, they wanted mo, I'v...

There was a little demon, who stole all of my dry goods, I caught him making pancakes, way out yonder near the woods, I demanded he give my ...

I went and found a demon, eating his dinner out in the wood, He was chomping on someone's arms and legs, while smacking his lips real go...

I had me some eggs with runny yolk, Washed them down with Diet Coke, Ate 2 lbs of salt, had a stroke, My driver's license got a revoke, ...

Sammy use to work on teeth, Until he married his best friend, Keith, They honeymoon-snorkeled a coral reef, While snacking on a can of beef,...

Sammy had bad tooth decay, Sammy chewed nuts, anyway, When Sammy's. tooth fell out, Sammy gave a pain shout, At least, a dentist Sammy d...

Every month on the 10th, That’s when I must pay the rent, Today it is due, But, my paycheck it flew, So, tomorrow I’ll be out in a tent.

Marty was a naughty fly, He liked to sit on dog poo, Then he’d fly upon my hair, After a fresh shampoo, I tried to swat old Marty, I j...

My giant pet green-snake named Nork, Ate only pizza with pepperoni and pork, Poor Nork died from the wheeze, When his pizza had cheese, ...

Ernie the minnow lived in the weeds, Swimming and eating were his only needs, He swam to and fro, With no real place to go, Doing noth...

The coyotes are out on the street, They want my pizza to eat, They got the pizza guy, But from his hands they can't pry, Sigh, m...

Tootie is a big green frog, She eats pizza like a hog, She tops it with flies , With a side of fries, She's heavy and sinks like a l...

I went vacationing in Michigan’s Upper P. I bought great souvenirs and drank wild raspberry tea, I went panning for gold, What I found I ...

In the middle of a blizzard, I went out to walk my lizard, On my leg he took a wizard, So I tried grabbing him by the gizzard, Then into the...

I had some chickened noodles, chickened really good, They tasted like fresh chicken, like chickened noodles always should, Then I ate a road...

A big hairy Bigfoot had entered my house, By the racket, I knew it wasn't a mouse, But when it shaved in the shower, And sang with su...

Barnabas makes his own beer, With water he gets off the pier, Now the beer is real malty, But so terribly salty, High blood pressure you...

I did not know if I should rent, My camping gear, my boat, my tent, Finally, everything I bought, Even my fish was not caught, I lov...

My dog is loaded with fleas, They bite him and bite me with ease, The fleas love the shampoo, They swim like Shamoo, They get in my lung...

There was a king named Blimple, His mind was really simple, He ate pizza and wine, Until half past nine, Then he exploded like a big pim...

I bought some pickle relish at the local discount store, I purchased it on clearance cause I could not pay no more, But when I opened the ...

Benny stepped on a Black widow spider, The spider bit him on the toe, Although Benny did not suddenly die, He felt a great deal of woe, ...

I went to  visit the state fair, The animals were nude, naked and bare, I found it obscene, My eyes were unclean, I wished I had never g...

There is a hairy tuna, He swims out in the sea, Where the hairy tuna swims, Is where hairy tuna be, The hairy tuna eats small fish, He...

Two Track Michigan was where I was born, One track led into town, one track led out to corn, Then, along came Mr. Farley, He changed o...

I built a model city using only 4 square feet, It even has a factory that makes drums for kids to beat, And of course it has a tiny trai...

I was trolling for monsters way out on the bay, I thought I had caught one when my line spooled away, But, it was negative rub, When up c...

I sleep too much and do too little they said, I sleep at my workstation as much as in bed, But, their thinking is not deep, For it is ...

DEAD GREENS IN ZOO MICHIGAN My garden grew and grew, Then it was suddenl y through, The frost stopped by, Made my greens all die, And it...

My airway was cut off by my ties too tight knot, Usually, I leave it loose but this time I forgot, My boss let me lie on the floor, Fo...