LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Barry was a comic with bronchitis so bad, His hacking though his monologue made everyone sad, His jokes would have been very funny, But d...

There once was a sailor named Sue, She planed  a mutiny at just half past two, When the officers surrendered, She had them dismembered, ...

I love to mix the metaphor, Like shooting ducks in barrels in a row, It makes the over educated roar, But speaks to the minions who...

Harlan the hamster had post-nasal drip, It embarrassed him so, his mind started to slip, He thought he was a Procter, And, a university d...

As the toilet swirls so, goes the galaxy called Norm, Often you can see it after an evening thunderstorm, And, if in that galaxy you wis...

I spent lot's of money for a cookout outside, I chose the Forth for showing national pride, I relied on the weather prediction, But i...

On this Decoration Day, I have to eat my curds and whey, To attend parades without delay, And traffic laws I can still obey, So out of jail,...

It's roof has had a big failure, complete, So it's no going back to the trailer to eat, I guess I'll be camping outside, A...

My cookout hotdogs are looking quite mean, They have spots that are brown and growths that are green, But, the guests for the lunch, I will ...

My IRS tax bill was amazingly tall, Even though, my paycheck revenue was extremely small, So, I quit my old job, To stay at home, be a...

I cheesed and cheesed my lettuce salad mix, It still tasted bad, so I tried a bacon bits fix, I got tired of messing, So I dumped on the dre...

There once was a chef named Gill, The only spice he used was dill, But then he tried basil, Which tickled his nasal, And paprika...

I'm afraid I feel not nice, Because my hair has a load of lice, I bought lice poo; paid big price, Poo not work; shaved head; ate rice, ...

The first week of June has started off with a storm, And, isn't this the month when it's supposed to get warm? But, by the feel of...

The bugs in the basement are on the crawl, Soon to be upstairs in the little potty stall, Then they sneak into the bed, Bitting from toes to...

My local homemade hotdogs we call hounds, They taste really good and they sure put on the pounds, They give down staters a pause, Our ...

My air conditioner blew up with a boom,  Now it’s hotter than Hades in my room,  There’s no ice in the freezer,  To cool off this geezer,...

Auf Wiedersehen to May, While a volcano spits away, And, the suns getting hotter, Dried ponds for the otter, While polar bears move ...

The water spider was really silly, He teased a mama fish named Millie, When Millie was about, The spider danced above her snout, Until the m...

I was sending messages using a drone, It was cheaper and cooler than maintaining a phone, It saved really big bucks, Then  flew over hunters...

By Tim Colin Associate Editor Humor News Nuts Publications Skegemog Lake is located in Northern Michigan and is visible from highway U.S....

I put the docks in the lake on May Day and I really felt the freeze, Ice water down to my footsies with polar winds above my knees, Expl...

Open on the sea, Was where Huntley wanted to be, In is twelve foot long dingy, Filled with water to the knee, Still, Huntley danced a gig wi...

Bartleby liked to stay in a baby crib, He had a baby bottle, blanket and bib, He once ran a bank, It went into the tank, At sixty he cou...

One little bug flew up my nose, He ate into my brain I guess, I suppose, Another little but entered my eye, He got stuck in my eyeball...

David had dimple on his little bitty toe, And that dimple deepened as his toe began to grow, Then that dimple started to really talk, Whi...

I am a little blogger living on the moon, I like munching on potato chips, then go sleep all afternoon, I like to blog about that and this...

It matters not if you're a dudess or dude, We all desire our comfort food, It could be ice cream and cake, Or beans that you bake,...

An itsy bitsy glider flew up my brother's snout, He blew his nose real hard but, the glider wouldn't come out, My brother then ...

In a tent on an abandoned lot, I found me a place to squat, I thought the living would be free, But it weren't meant to be, The owners c...

With final exams coming I had straight A's in my sight's, Then my brain suddenly lost all of it's gigabytes, Was it the browni...

I use to really love to wash with soap, Then I'd break out and feel like a dope, There were more than just dimples, There were millio...

Ten little minnows nibbled on my toes, I thought nothing of it until their number rose, When I went to swim to shore, There were a mil...

I laid down two pillows to sit on the floor, Unfortunately, I sat way too close to the door, The door slammed into my back, And my spine ...

"Tilt Camping", is camping on the steep side of a hill, The tilt in that world gives us vet campers a thrill, There is common wash...

There once was a big red salmon named Strange Betty, She was the only fish whose under-fins got sweaty, She tried underarm cream, Before swi...

First a turtle bit my toe,  And the pain filled me with woe,  Then a rattle snake bit my shin, And he pumped some poison in, A large sha...

I was fit as a fiddle until I ran down the street, I thought I'd get a run in before I went to eat, But, I tripped over my feet,   ...

  Rooftop toad, Hot sun, hot tar, Oh! Stuck warts and all but, nice view.  

There was a grasshopper named Dan De Ville, He would hop from hill to hill, He gave all the girls quite the thrill, When he'd preen h...

I googled and googled and googled one day, To find my best bud in high school, Old lizard lips Clay, I found him not in a very good way, ...

Tim and Mike played lawn jarts outside, Hitting the target gave a great since of pride, But neither was a stranger, For lawn jarts are a ...

I got all dressed up in my finest suit, I played all night on my piccolo flute, Then it got very scary, Because my face was so hairy, ...

Minnow bucket full, Too many, no breath, tragedy, Error, no live bait.

Bert had a big buck chase him through the dell, He tried to cry out but his throat would not yell, Bert got gored by the beast, Through t...

Sometimes you feel you should write rhymes with Nantucket, I thought so today and then I said "Duck It", Who likes the East anyw...

Sammy's sandcastle was not built to code, He ignored the inspectors and didn't strengthen the load, The load did not bear, The sa...

I played golf and I ran out of green, 7 holes left but, no money machine, They'll be no caddy tip, My beer tab I must skip, I must sneak...

Stubed big toe,pain,ouch! Coffee table TV close, Furniture makes move.

Noel's breath smelled like his sweaty toes,  And that was the very least of his woes, His spaceships would never fly, His car batteries ...

Russ had a front tooth that was gold, Russ would smile and display his tooth bold, A thief punched Russ in the face, The tooth fell out o...

The wind blew down all the trees, It brought big men down on their knees, The great thunder popped, The windstorm stopped, Then you coul...

Morris had a pretty shoe, He had only one, but needed two, So he planted his shoe deep, Then two shoes he did reap, And both Morris wears ar...

It hailed upon my head so hard, It made me puke up my Swiss chard, They was diet greens To untighten my jeans, So I'd no longer have the...

If you walk by a house with gnomes in the yard, Then you'd better walk faster and be on your guard, For gnomes have but one goal, It is ...

A Martian landed on earth, He had a gigantic girth, He said, “Earthlings are so skinny, That’s why your life spans are mini, Martians li...

I fear my face has been Dr. Jeckeled, I went to bed with clear skin and woke up all freckled, And, the great change in my face, Has my fr...

I bought a trinket to wear dangled downed, It was a purple teardrop, at a rummage sale found, But when I pierced it through my nose, I got b...

The ground was all frosty, and Benny's nose filled with snot, It was a day dear Benny, wished he had forgot, For a big tired truck, Hit ...

There once was a pancake griddle named Fred, Old Fred made pancakes from breakfast till bed, Then, real late one spring afternoon, Fred f...