LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Bill found worms between all of his toes, How they got there nobody knows, Bill takes a hot shower, Once each year for an hour, Then, he...

Bugzy Bernard mowed his entire lawn, He mowed till all the dandelions were gone, He made dandelion wine, It tasted just fine, But, he ha...

I just love to green up my grass, I won't let an opportunity pass, So, I doubled up on the fert, Burned my lawn down to dirt, Now my...

Along came two cutie bear cubs, They were so cute I gave them intense belly rubs, Then along came their maw, She gave me her claw, The three...

Bears are coming out of their hibernation, Looking for tourists with a Michigan destination, And those bears like to eat, All the fresh tour...

I came upon a green forest frog, He barked just like a domestic dog, He had a bad habit, He liked to hunt rabbit, When they bit him he r...

I got many scars while I was on mars because, I got into a brawl, I got my scars while hoping bars with a Martian ten feet tall, We were...

We spend all our lives growing big meat bags, To feed worms and microbes in the earth, That is nature's only need for us, So why do we a...

If you want to go fishing there is no gain without pain, To get the big worms you must go out in the rain, So, in the rain I took hikes, ...

There was an oilman named Scooter, He was just the biggest polluter, He dumped oil in the sea, To make it life free, And, he raised pric...

I went to the bank to draw out some money, An elderly lady cashier said, "You can't have it now, honey, For the bank is deep in a...

Pining for a new companion, Overseas I took a fly, Rammed a mountain; fell into a canyon, No one but I, didn't burn and die, Hugs I had ...

My beef roast was loaded with squirming rice with eyes, Finding rice in my roast was quite a surprise, I queried how they got there? A...

Because he did not like my looks, Florida's Gov. took away my books, He confiscated my weed, I have nothing to read, The Gov. and his la...

I sniffle here, I sniffle there, I sniffle on my reclining chair,  I sniffle all day long at work, And, my sniffles give my boss an irk...

I walked out on the dock and what did I pass? A giant, a record, an enormous rock bass, But, my pole was at the cabin, not out on the d...

No sleep, mind tired, Got up early, stayed up late, Work. America.

A snowman gave a dirty look right at me, I tried to ignore him but he wouldn’t let it be, I asked him to stop, Then I flagged down a cop,...

Snowflakes burn, acid, Sunbeams warm, kind, love, life, dreams, Snow, white dirt over graves.

My four wheeled drive truck had all four wheels on ice, I spun round and round seeing the grim reaper thrice, I said a quick prayer, As I...

I guess I have no one to blame, I missed out at my one chance for fame, For I rescued a treed kitty, Said the paper of the city, Bu...

My little dog named Mabel, Is mentally unstable,  She chewed the legs off the kitchen table, And everything fell on the floor, My little dog...

There was a young rooster named Lee, He planed to escape and be free, When no one looked hence, He flew over the fence, To a fox that w...

HOW I BECAME A ZOMBIE My pet brain eating zombie squirrel bit me earlier today, My nose is runny with some goopy green stuff and my skin i...

You know when someone is full of passions, It's when they obsess with their wardrobe fashions, So, why not make money, Suggesting ...

Cougars,real,deadly, Stalking the Michigan woods, Danger is out there.

People have flavor, People taste just like chicken, A real treat for bears.

Back in the season of Ho, Ho, Ho, I made some angels in the snow, Now spring is here, My angels disappear, Wherever they've gone I don...

Wendell installed a wood stove, It burned down half his house, He could have lived in the other half, But, he was kicked out by his spous...

My front tire started to squeak, I thought it was just a slow leak, But, as I zoomed down the highway, My tire rolled down a byway, Then, my...

I went to Canada and bought a Bigfoot, I brought it home for my mom and my dad, I thought it would keep them company, But, they said I ha...

Jim got pimpled on his face, He got pimpled on his back, He got pimpled on his arms and legs, Then, came rebellion, attack, Jim ap...

Larry was a high school hero, Who had an ego as big as Nero, He said he'd live off his good looks, And, never bother with th...

Leroy played the base guitar, But, the sounds he made were so bizarre, His band gave him the boot, Now, he’s a bitter old coot, Playing f...

Frostbite was my winter friend, It made my fingers numb, But, when I stayed out in the cold too long,  My family called me dumb, N...

My dog has become quite the scaredy, He hides when I play Aida by Verdi, As the trumpet march solo begins, My dog's on needles and pi...

Everyone always tells me that life is easy as a breeze, But I'm always living with war, petulance, famine and disease, Maybe I have gloo...

Today I decided to lounge all about, And go fishing for some little bitty brook trout, I took my pick, From a cedar swamp crick, Tasting...

What if the universe runs out of time, Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime? Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers? ...

A Bigfoot knocked on my trailer door, When I didn’t let him in he gave off a roar, I made him bacon and eggs, He still broke my legs, Th...

I blog about this, I blog about that, I know I've been blogging too long, when I blog about scat, Because nobody cares, About the poop f...

I'm computing way up in a cloud, It's the new thing and I'm feeling new-proud, But I worry each day, If I'm one click awa...

Marty was a dancing pooch, He would dance but demanded hooch, For imported ale, He’d just wag his tail, For bourbon he’d dance hootchy-k...

Bugsy Lee liked to drive too fast, His car slid off the road, He hit a tree and skinned his knee, And, scared away a toad. Bugsy got a ...

Three watermelons sat in one garden spot, They were out in the sun and wow was it hot, To cool down one used a lotion, Another moved to t...

Two busy beavers built a really big dam, Right on the river where all migrant fish swam, The dam fit real tight, But, couldn...

Most people believe it's wrong to be sad, That we each have a purpose and for that, to be glad, Each positive Pete with his bloated ego,...

I went to the bank to modify my home loan, I was offered an ink pen, a coffee, a scone, Although, many papers I signed, A few weeks later I...

There was the big old Worm Moon hanging in the sky, From above my head to the horizon, the little stars would fly, There the Worm Moon stood...

A leprechaun rode his goose to town, His goose to town, His goose to town, A Leprechaun rode his goose to town, To the leprechaun par...

I've gone feral, living in these woods,  I really fit in with the feral brotherhoods, I walk on all fours, My paws won't open ...

When I blow snow, Away it will go, I might be paid doe, To buy a me a hoe, For the garden, you know, To keep the weeds low, To make pickles ...

Deep in the forest was where I sat, I had been ate by a bear and that was that, I was now just a big pile of wet bear scat, The bear had pil...

I bought sight unseen an acre of land, When I asked where it was I was told it had been canned, My rented room filled with canned dirt t...

We have a nuclear war and I've bought some noodles, I can feed half my kids and all my pet poodles, You know it's no vacation,  Dyin...

This little piggy went to sleep, His girlfriend dumped him and called him a creep, A second little piggy went all the way home, His wife ...

One day a large turtle was crawling along in the forest crushing all the plants in his path. Suddenly, out of no where, there came a high pi...

Time is not kind, It brings no peace of mind, Your muscles go gooey slack, And there is that sharp pain in the back, Your body is ready ...

Dried, flake, potatoes, Too dry, too wet, not good, bet, Garbage, bread, easy.

Jimmy used a jitterbug to try to catch a pike, But, the only thing that Jimmy caught was his older brother Spike, Jimmy used a silver spoo...