LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Most in the press make the wrong assumption, They think folks want government destroyed by ending it's function, But, just listen plea...

As the woods becomes dry bugs get thirsty mean, And, I'm looked upon as a thirst quenching canteen, So, bugs come for my slaughter, ...

I went outside to look for a lost ring,💍 Then, the bumblebees began to sting,🔥 The ring wasn't real gold,🏅 Just gold paint I wa...

When your toilet sinks through your trailers floor,🚽 When there's no money for food from a store,🏬 And, if no heat you discern,😨 ...

I had for my lunch a big plate of fresh scrape, I found the scrape on the highway down by the cape, I should have ate at the bar, The ...

I climbed up into a tree that needed a trim, It would have been fine if I had been slim But, so frail was the tree,  It fell over ...

The high prices for groceries is appalling,🧀🍖🍗🍅🍻🍩🍕 I need those prices to start falling,📉 From email I hear voices,📬💻📲 Dema...

I caught a great big bear,🐻 Trying on my underware,👙 Usually, I would not care,🖖 But, his big bottom made a tear,〰〽〰 I'll hav...

Another universe I found this day, Where all are young and young they'll stay, I've become a resident of that ageless verse, A...

Many people now days don't want to learn,🎓 They don't see how learning can help them to earn,💰 They're the very happiest c...

My kitty and rabbit  got into a big fight,🐈🐇 My rabbit bested kitty but the rabbit got a bite,😿 As oft these fights end,💐 They pla...

Such happy days I had with me dog, pet, When she passed, thought I, another I'd get, I could afford only a squirrel, I called his ...

The landlord said I must pay to stay, Or, I should have to move away, But, if I'm not mistaken, My rent dollars were taken, By t...

I broke a community rule,🙀 When I took my bath in the pool,👎 I soaped up with a sponge,🚦 Washed it off with a plunge,💦 People sa...

There was a virus going around and I didn't care,😽 I'm a cat and have nine lives to spare,😺 Then, the virus I got,🙀 And, ni...

I had no extra eyes to spare,🙈 So, I went to a doctor to fix my eye tear,👣👁 The doc sewed my eye up tight,✂〰 Asked if I'd been ...

I trusted in my frosted doughnuts to keep me very slim,🍩 But, my waist has grown much larger and, I workout at the gym,🏋 Maybe water s...

There was a small toad in my garden of clay,🐸🍄 He was chewing on bugs as he went on his way,🐞 Then, along came a vicious snake,🐍 T...

I went protesting down the street,👣🗽 I didn't go far until I got beat,🌟🌟🌟 A baton in my face,😁🚔🚓 Put me in my place,🚑🏥 ...

There is so much going on in the news,☣☢💉📉🔥🌪🚀🗽💀👹 What to watch is so hard to choose,📺 With no haircut I'm hairy,👦💈 Like...

I don't know a widget from an app, I don't know a folk song from a rap, I don't know soft spoken from a yell, How are thin...

I found in my driveway a little stone charm, I put it around my neck, didn't think it would harm, But, the next crazy day, I had n...

With all the troubles in every town, I think that I will dig on down, I'll build a bunker, There I'll hunker, And, movie bin...

Humans are such wondrous things, One of them paints while another one sings, One makes love another, war, One keeps the dart game scor...

I'm not sure what are dreams or, not? Are they what I remember or, what I forgot? My reality is not all that clear, I don't h...

I rue the day I knocked over that bucket of nails, Now, when I drive my car each tire impales, The nails spilled in my garage, But, do...

There were sharp pebbles on my kitchen floor, My barefoot counted them to be four, Oh, what severe, dire pain, Disturbed my soft a.m. ...

I wonder if there will ever be, A bigger Twitter twit than me, I tweet happy and I tweet woe, I tweet on stuff when I don't know, ...

Of me, my family was no fan,  My ashes were put in a coffee can, And the worms my family picked up, Upon my ashes they'd sup, I ...

I remember playing in the sand, On the beach next to dry land,  I found it a thrill, Building a castle sandhill, While I listened to...

I now have an excuse not to house clean, I'm doing the arts and crafting scene, If it looks and smells rough, It's covered w...

I found something special had come this dawn, My Michigan summer had come and gone, For near halfway through the month of May, I awoke...

There are no jobs when no one's buying, I have no income but, I'm trying, I pick old masks out of the trash, I then recycle th...

Oh great polar vortex that comes in May, That shuts down beach fun and ends spring play, The cold has had a long run, Why can't wi...

The rise of the flower moon, This moon rises none too soon, Why waste a day, In early May, Without lilac scent by noon.

I was bit by a poisonous bee, I saw the doctor in the next door county, The bee bit me on the nose, The doc chopped off my toes, He ...

The windchill is record bitter but, I need my job, So, I started driving to work like a work needy slob, Then, three miles from work, ...

I've really bad some awful luck, Someone stole my hockey puck, Someone stole my hockey stick, And, my writing pen, brand Bic, Th...

My friend lives on a little trust, He delivers papers because he must And, burgers he flips, For cigarettes and tips, He walks because h...

From the internet I learned that the world is flat, And, if I dig down a few feet a new place I'll be at, So, towards Hawaii went my...

The carcass cracks and pops as it roasts upon my stick, I'm not sure what I'll be eating, I found it after it was hit, Oh, it...

There is nothing better than a big shinny sun, It should shine in the morning til all fun is done, The night can have clouds, With rai...

Just because something is green does not mean it tastes good, Sometimes that something green is metal, rock or wood, So, don't bite ...

I got some flowers from my best bud Fred, He sent me flowers when I went dead, In my final dwell, I didn't smell so well, So, th...

Before I enter the month called May,  My rent bill I will have to pay, But, I lost my job, And, my roommate, Bob, On time, I've ...

7 is not 11 unless you add the number 4, Then, you must add another 9 before you have a score, But, do not wait, There's an inflat...

I exercised for a very short while, By walking around my small domicile, But, the stamina required, Made me awfully tired, I collaps...

I dreamed of vacation as I sat on the lawn, But, all of my sources of income are gone, Then, the eyes in my head, Spied my old garden s...

If we are to survive then, it all depends, On whether we decide to be meanies or friends, We should all be nice, It's not much of ...

I hitched a ride to Mars, It cost me 6 cigars, I couldn't take my pets, That cost cigarettes, And, I'm saving those smokes f...

I have never been to Parrot:  its a thrift shop down the street, To go is a social demerit:  that's where poor people meet, Anyone c...

When it finally happens and it's the football time of year, I'll be watching from home decked out in Detroit Lions' gear, Al...

I saw old George the other day, He was off to find a dragon to slay, I asked to come along, Then, I'd post him in song, George l...

The Easter Rabbit came calling and said that I owed him money He said I stole a chocolate Easter egg and a white chocolate bunny, I deni...

Green is the broccoli I fry upon the stove, Browning is the fish I caught down at Sugar Cove,  My french fries soaked in grease, May o...

The sight Michiganders have seldom seen, Is the great yellow ball that turns white to green, Rumor has it, it does exist, Somewhere in...

This winter has been both big and tall, The snow was deep and great was it's sprawl, It was the longest winter I recall, I think o...

My pay is in the lower range, In fact, most weeks I'm paid with change, I mostly get tips, Like return bottle slips, Or, I shoul...

No one foretold of the tree that was old that fell on the cabin last year, Then, when the crushed cabin sold the new owners went bold, sta...

I went to the grocery store to buy some tuna fish, They only let me have two cans but, three was my wish, The tuna order was short that ...