LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

THE PRESS, THE PEOPLE AND GOVERNMENT

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Most in the press make the wrong assumption, They think folks want government destroyed by ending it's function, But, just listen plea...

BUGS COME FOR MY SLAUGHTER

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As the woods becomes dry bugs get thirsty mean, And, I'm looked upon as a thirst quenching canteen, So, bugs come for my slaughter, ...
Monday, June 29, 2020

BEE BLING

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I went outside to look for a lost ring,πŸ’ Then, the bumblebees began to sting,πŸ”₯ The ring wasn't real gold,πŸ… Just gold paint I wa...

THE SINKING TOILET TELLS A TALE

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When your toilet sinks through your trailers floor,🚽 When there's no money for food from a store,🏬 And, if no heat you discern,😨 ...

SCRAPE FROM THE CAPE

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I had for my lunch a big plate of fresh scrape, I found the scrape on the highway down by the cape, I should have ate at the bar, The ...
Saturday, June 27, 2020

PROGNOSIS GRIM TREE TRIMMER

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I climbed up into a tree that needed a trim, It would have been fine if I had been slim But, so frail was the tree,  It fell over ...

FOOD, RENT, FREEZE: CAPITALIZM ON MY KNEES

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The high prices for groceries is appalling,πŸ§€πŸ–πŸ—πŸ…πŸ»πŸ©πŸ• I need those prices to start falling,πŸ“‰ From email I hear voices,πŸ“¬πŸ’»πŸ“² Dema...
Thursday, June 25, 2020

ENCOUNTER WITH THE UNDERWARE BEAR

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I caught a great big bear,🐻 Trying on my underware,πŸ‘™ Usually, I would not care,πŸ–– But, his big bottom made a tear,〰〽〰 I'll hav...
Wednesday, June 24, 2020

I PICK THE UNIVERSE OF THE YOUNG

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Another universe I found this day, Where all are young and young they'll stay, I've become a resident of that ageless verse, A...
Friday, June 19, 2020

THE VERY HAPPIEST CHUMS

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Many people now days don't want to learn,πŸŽ“ They don't see how learning can help them to earn,πŸ’° They're the very happiest c...

THEY FOUGHT, THEIR FRIENDS AND I'M OUT

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My kitty and rabbit  got into a big fight,πŸˆπŸ‡ My rabbit bested kitty but the rabbit got a bite,😿 As oft these fights end,πŸ’ They pla...
Thursday, June 18, 2020

ME NEW PET LIVES IN THE WOODS

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Such happy days I had with me dog, pet, When she passed, thought I, another I'd get, I could afford only a squirrel, I called his ...
Wednesday, June 17, 2020

WHAT THE LANDLORD SAID

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The landlord said I must pay to stay, Or, I should have to move away, But, if I'm not mistaken, My rent dollars were taken, By t...
Tuesday, June 16, 2020

I BATHED IN THE POOL

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I broke a community rule,πŸ™€ When I took my bath in the pool,πŸ‘Ž I soaped up with a sponge,🚦 Washed it off with a plunge,πŸ’¦ People sa...
Tuesday, June 9, 2020

WHEN THE VIRUS INFECTS THE CAT THEN, NINE LIVES JUST AIN'T ALL THAT

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There was a virus going around and I didn't care,😽 I'm a cat and have nine lives to spare,😺 Then, the virus I got,πŸ™€ And, ni...
Monday, June 8, 2020

WHY I WEAR AN EYE PATCH

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I had no extra eyes to spare,πŸ™ˆ So, I went to a doctor to fix my eye tear,πŸ‘£πŸ‘ The doc sewed my eye up tight,✂〰 Asked if I'd been ...
Sunday, June 7, 2020

EATING FROASTED DOUGHNUTS LEADS TO A BIG PROBLEM IN LATE SPRING

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I trusted in my frosted doughnuts to keep me very slim,🍩 But, my waist has grown much larger and, I workout at the gym,πŸ‹ Maybe water s...

SNAKE, LEAVE THAT TOAD ALONE

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There was a small toad in my garden of clay,πŸΈπŸ„ He was chewing on bugs as he went on his way,🐞 Then, along came a vicious snake,🐍 T...
Saturday, June 6, 2020

I GOT ME SOME PUDDING: HOW ABOUT YOU?

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I went protesting down the street,πŸ‘£πŸ—½ I didn't go far until I got beat,🌟🌟🌟 A baton in my face,πŸ˜πŸš”πŸš“ Put me in my place,πŸš‘πŸ₯ ...
Friday, June 5, 2020

WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY HAIRCUT AND THE NEWS

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There is so much going on in the news,☣☢πŸ’‰πŸ“‰πŸ”₯πŸŒͺπŸš€πŸ—½πŸ’€πŸ‘Ή What to watch is so hard to choose,πŸ“Ί With no haircut I'm hairy,πŸ‘¦πŸ’ˆ Like...
Wednesday, June 3, 2020

MY IDENTIFY CRISIS

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I don't know a widget from an app, I don't know a folk song from a rap, I don't know soft spoken from a yell, How are thin...
Monday, June 1, 2020

THE STONE CHARM OF HARM

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I found in my driveway a little stone charm, I put it around my neck, didn't think it would harm, But, the next crazy day, I had n...
Sunday, May 31, 2020

BUNKER ME DOWN

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With all the troubles in every town, I think that I will dig on down, I'll build a bunker, There I'll hunker, And, movie bin...
Friday, May 29, 2020

WONDROUS HUMANS

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Humans are such wondrous things, One of them paints while another one sings, One makes love another, war, One keeps the dart game scor...
Thursday, May 21, 2020

BRAIN ROT REALITY

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I'm not sure what are dreams or, not? Are they what I remember or, what I forgot? My reality is not all that clear, I don't h...
Wednesday, May 20, 2020

GRIMM'S FAIRY TALES OF TIRES

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I rue the day I knocked over that bucket of nails, Now, when I drive my car each tire impales, The nails spilled in my garage, But, do...
Saturday, May 16, 2020

DISTURBING PEEBLES

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There were sharp pebbles on my kitchen floor, My barefoot counted them to be four, Oh, what severe, dire pain, Disturbed my soft a.m. ...
Thursday, May 14, 2020

TWITTER TWIT PARTY

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I wonder if there will ever be, A bigger Twitter twit than me, I tweet happy and I tweet woe, I tweet on stuff when I don't know, ...
Monday, May 11, 2020

A COFFEE CAN SAVES BIG BUCKS AND HELPS FEED LITTLE ONES

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Of me, my family was no fan,  My ashes were put in a coffee can, And the worms my family picked up, Upon my ashes they'd sup, I ...

NEW LAKESIDE CONSTRUCTION

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I remember playing in the sand, On the beach next to dry land,  I found it a thrill, Building a castle sandhill, While I listened to...
Sunday, May 10, 2020

WHY I LOVE ARTS AND CRAFTS

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I now have an excuse not to house clean, I'm doing the arts and crafting scene, If it looks and smells rough, It's covered w...
Saturday, May 9, 2020

SKY-EYE SEARCHING FOR A LONE SUNRAY

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I found something special had come this dawn, My Michigan summer had come and gone, For near halfway through the month of May, I awoke...
Friday, May 8, 2020

THE DESPERATE DOLLAR DAYS

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There are no jobs when no one's buying, I have no income but, I'm trying, I pick old masks out of the trash, I then recycle th...
Thursday, May 7, 2020

SORRY MA, IT'S SNOWING

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Oh great polar vortex that comes in May, That shuts down beach fun and ends spring play, The cold has had a long run, Why can't wi...

THE FLOWER MOON

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The rise of the flower moon, This moon rises none too soon, Why waste a day, In early May, Without lilac scent by noon.
Wednesday, May 6, 2020

TOES FOR A TEE

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I was bit by a poisonous bee, I saw the doctor in the next door county, The bee bit me on the nose, The doc chopped off my toes, He ...

RECORD WINDCHILL BUT, I'LL GET TO WORK?

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The windchill is record bitter but, I need my job, So, I started driving to work like a work needy slob, Then, three miles from work, ...
Tuesday, May 5, 2020

MY STOLEN LUCK

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I've really bad some awful luck, Someone stole my hockey puck, Someone stole my hockey stick, And, my writing pen, brand Bic, Th...
Monday, May 4, 2020

MULTIPLE STREAMS OF INCOME

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My friend lives on a little trust, He delivers papers because he must And, burgers he flips, For cigarettes and tips, He walks because h...
Sunday, May 3, 2020

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE STENCH

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From the internet I learned that the world is flat, And, if I dig down a few feet a new place I'll be at, So, towards Hawaii went my...

IT ROASTS UPON MY STICK

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The carcass cracks and pops as it roasts upon my stick, I'm not sure what I'll be eating, I found it after it was hit, Oh, it...
Saturday, May 2, 2020

I'LL HAVE A BIG SHINY SUN

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There is nothing better than a big shinny sun, It should shine in the morning til all fun is done, The night can have clouds, With rai...
Friday, May 1, 2020

BITING THE GREEN THING

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Just because something is green does not mean it tastes good, Sometimes that something green is metal, rock or wood, So, don't bite ...
Thursday, April 30, 2020

FRED SENT ME FLOWERS

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I got some flowers from my best bud Fred, He sent me flowers when I went dead, In my final dwell, I didn't smell so well, So, th...

FOR RENT, I SOLD MY SOUL ON LAYAWAY

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Before I enter the month called May,  My rent bill I will have to pay, But, I lost my job, And, my roommate, Bob, On time, I've ...
Tuesday, April 28, 2020

NONSENCE WITH SIMPLE NUMBERS MADE BY SIMPLER MINDS

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7 is not 11 unless you add the number 4, Then, you must add another 9 before you have a score, But, do not wait, There's an inflat...

SPRING EXERCISE

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I exercised for a very short while, By walking around my small domicile, But, the stamina required, Made me awfully tired, I collaps...

A FREE SUMMER VACATION HOME

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I dreamed of vacation as I sat on the lawn, But, all of my sources of income are gone, Then, the eyes in my head, Spied my old garden s...

MEANIES OR FRIENDS?

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If we are to survive then, it all depends, On whether we decide to be meanies or friends, We should all be nice, It's not much of ...
Saturday, April 25, 2020

THE CURRENCY OF OUTER SPACE

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I hitched a ride to Mars, It cost me 6 cigars, I couldn't take my pets, That cost cigarettes, And, I'm saving those smokes f...

I'VE NEVER TO PARROT

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I have never been to Parrot:  its a thrift shop down the street, To go is a social demerit:  that's where poor people meet, Anyone c...
Thursday, April 23, 2020

I NEED DETROIT FOOTBALL

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When it finally happens and it's the football time of year, I'll be watching from home decked out in Detroit Lions' gear, Al...

THE DRAGON WAS SLAIN BUT, I DIDN'T GET TO SEE

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I saw old George the other day, He was off to find a dragon to slay, I asked to come along, Then, I'd post him in song, George l...

THE EASTER RABBIT CAME CALLING

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The Easter Rabbit came calling and said that I owed him money He said I stole a chocolate Easter egg and a white chocolate bunny, I deni...
Wednesday, April 22, 2020

GREEN IS THE BROCCOLI

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Green is the broccoli I fry upon the stove, Browning is the fish I caught down at Sugar Cove,  My french fries soaked in grease, May o...
Tuesday, April 21, 2020

THE GREAT YELLOW BALL

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The sight Michiganders have seldom seen, Is the great yellow ball that turns white to green, Rumor has it, it does exist, Somewhere in...
Monday, April 20, 2020

THE SNOW SPRAWL MADE ME BAWL FOR MY ROSES ON THE WALL

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This winter has been both big and tall, The snow was deep and great was it's sprawl, It was the longest winter I recall, I think o...
Sunday, April 19, 2020

MY MANGY TIPS

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My pay is in the lower range, In fact, most weeks I'm paid with change, I mostly get tips, Like return bottle slips, Or, I shoul...

GINGER BEER SUCCESS

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No one foretold of the tree that was old that fell on the cabin last year, Then, when the crushed cabin sold the new owners went bold, sta...
Saturday, April 18, 2020

TWO CANS OF TUNA AND SALMON MAKES IT THREE

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I went to the grocery store to buy some tuna fish, They only let me have two cans but, three was my wish, The tuna order was short that ...
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Leigh Collin Brandt
Northern Michigan, United States
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