LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

With all the troubles in every town, I think that I will dig on down, I'll build a bunker, There I'll hunker, And, movie bin...

Humans are such wondrous things, One of them paints while another one sings, One makes love another, war, One keeps the dart game scor...

I'm not sure what are dreams or, not? Are they what I remember or, what I forgot? My reality is not all that clear, I don't h...

I rue the day I knocked over that bucket of nails, Now, when I drive my car each tire impales, The nails spilled in my garage, But, do...

There were sharp pebbles on my kitchen floor, My barefoot counted them to be four, Oh, what severe, dire pain, Disturbed my soft a.m. ...

I wonder if there will ever be, A bigger Twitter twit than me, I tweet happy and I tweet woe, I tweet on stuff when I don't know, ...

Of me, my family was no fan,  My ashes were put in a coffee can, And the worms my family picked up, Upon my ashes they'd sup, I ...

I remember playing in the sand, On the beach next to dry land,  I found it a thrill, Building a castle sandhill, While I listened to...

I now have an excuse not to house clean, I'm doing the arts and crafting scene, If it looks and smells rough, It's covered w...

I found something special had come this dawn, My Michigan summer had come and gone, For near halfway through the month of May, I awoke...

There are no jobs when no one's buying, I have no income but, I'm trying, I pick old masks out of the trash, I then recycle th...

Oh great polar vortex that comes in May, That shuts down beach fun and ends spring play, The cold has had a long run, Why can't wi...

The rise of the flower moon, This moon rises none too soon, Why waste a day, In early May, Without lilac scent by noon.

I was bit by a poisonous bee, I saw the doctor in the next door county, The bee bit me on the nose, The doc chopped off my toes, He ...

The windchill is record bitter but, I need my job, So, I started driving to work like a work needy slob, Then, three miles from work, ...

I've really bad some awful luck, Someone stole my hockey puck, Someone stole my hockey stick, And, my writing pen, brand Bic, Th...

My friend lives on a little trust, He delivers papers because he must And, burgers he flips, For cigarettes and tips, He walks because h...

From the internet I learned that the world is flat, And, if I dig down a few feet a new place I'll be at, So, towards Hawaii went my...

The carcass cracks and pops as it roasts upon my stick, I'm not sure what I'll be eating, I found it after it was hit, Oh, it...

There is nothing better than a big shinny sun, It should shine in the morning til all fun is done, The night can have clouds, With rai...

Just because something is green does not mean it tastes good, Sometimes that something green is metal, rock or wood, So, don't bite ...

I got some flowers from my best bud Fred, He sent me flowers when I went dead, In my final dwell, I didn't smell so well, So, th...

Before I enter the month called May,  My rent bill I will have to pay, But, I lost my job, And, my roommate, Bob, On time, I've ...

7 is not 11 unless you add the number 4, Then, you must add another 9 before you have a score, But, do not wait, There's an inflat...

I exercised for a very short while, By walking around my small domicile, But, the stamina required, Made me awfully tired, I collaps...

I dreamed of vacation as I sat on the lawn, But, all of my sources of income are gone, Then, the eyes in my head, Spied my old garden s...

If we are to survive then, it all depends, On whether we decide to be meanies or friends, We should all be nice, It's not much of ...

I hitched a ride to Mars, It cost me 6 cigars, I couldn't take my pets, That cost cigarettes, And, I'm saving those smokes f...

I have never been to Parrot:  its a thrift shop down the street, To go is a social demerit:  that's where poor people meet, Anyone c...

When it finally happens and it's the football time of year, I'll be watching from home decked out in Detroit Lions' gear, Al...

I saw old George the other day, He was off to find a dragon to slay, I asked to come along, Then, I'd post him in song, George l...

The Easter Rabbit came calling and said that I owed him money He said I stole a chocolate Easter egg and a white chocolate bunny, I deni...

Green is the broccoli I fry upon the stove, Browning is the fish I caught down at Sugar Cove,  My french fries soaked in grease, May o...

The sight Michiganders have seldom seen, Is the great yellow ball that turns white to green, Rumor has it, it does exist, Somewhere in...

This winter has been both big and tall, The snow was deep and great was it's sprawl, It was the longest winter I recall, I think o...

My pay is in the lower range, In fact, most weeks I'm paid with change, I mostly get tips, Like return bottle slips, Or, I shoul...

No one foretold of the tree that was old that fell on the cabin last year, Then, when the crushed cabin sold the new owners went bold, sta...

I went to the grocery store to buy some tuna fish, They only let me have two cans but, three was my wish, The tuna order was short that ...

I've spent my youth trying to complete my senior term, I would have made it this time but, my belly got a worm, The worm causes disc...

I paid too much for saltine crackers I bought new, I paid too much for oyster crackers I bought new too, Crackers are priced like high e...

I lost my tooth and the tooth fairy gave me only a dime, The tooth had a gold cap so, the fairy committed a crime, So, I took the tooth ...

In photos, why do thin people always stand next to me? They make me look huge since, I have their girth times three, I'm in a food h...

I should of been my brother's keeper, Told this was I by Grim The Reeper, I was terrible mean, Too late to come clean, I'll ...

I went to the grocery store at the end of March, All I could afford was a small box of starch, But, I'm glad it was present, To fee...

I went to my senior yearbook but, that was a bust, All of the pages had turned into dust, Of course it might be a win, For I never fit ...

I can't go to the store for an Easter ham, My main menu item is an expired canned yam, But, I will not morn,  I found a can of cre...

I dreamed the Easter Bunny brought me three cans of peas, He brought me three cans of corn and cough drops for disease, But, he brought ...

A large chocolate Easter bunny went hopping down the street, Starving little children watched with want for food to eat, So, I journeyed...

The eggs I have are powered to dust, For Easter I'll use them I suppose,  I must, There's no fresh eggs or fresh bacon, From t...

I declare my independence with my snow fort nation, Anyone who attacks will get a snowball ration, This ain't any gag, I've go...

After living forever under a vampire curse, I decided to escape to a multiverse, Through a portal I made my run, Found a verse with on...

When the family is all home the tensions rise and rise, And, as time wears on there's a good humor demise, At the end there are no mo...

I went fishing for steelhead in the wee early spring,  With a hook-line, the capture is a spiritual thing, A steely will lunge round log...

That tea just tasted so wrong, It wasn't brewed even that strong, Of course I knew it was old, When I scraped off the mold, It...

I went to the moon and built a basketball court,    I love to dunk baskets but, on earth I'm too short, Of course, my shots are too ...

I kept my baking powder very dry, So, I could bake my Apple pie, I use apples, cinnamon and cheese, I bake at 350 degrees, And, pile...

I pine and pine for my tree, It was an oak that disease made soul free, But, I loved it the most, And, I yearn for its ghost, To com...

I just saw a unicorn skipping across the farm, He went trespassing through my potato patch and did my taters harm, The taters became has...

I went out to the chicken coop and what beasts did I find, Two great big bears and they were unkind. They ate my rooster named Joe, An...

I stayed in place and ordered all of my stuff online, I emptied the boxes that came now, there's nowhere to dine, And, My liv...