LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Sunday, April 29, 2018

TINKLE, TINKLE LITTLE MOUSE

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I think that I will quit wearing my hat, Because, that's where the mice keep leaving their scat, But, there is just a wrinkle, For...

I TOOK A WRONG TRAIL AND ENDED UP WITH A WHALE

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I took a walk in the forest but, took the wrong trail,  Then, I heard something howl then swished it's big tail, I looked toward a gi...
Friday, April 27, 2018

I WENT TO LAREDO FOR SOUP

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I went to Laredo to find me some soup, I heard they had cows that were deep in their scoop, For I seek fertilizer, I like the wet stuf...
Thursday, April 26, 2018

THE COLORS OF TEETH AND BACK

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If your teeth are green and black, Keep your mouth shut to avoid attack, From those having teeth whitey white, Who brush for a  cavity...
Tuesday, April 24, 2018

MY UMBRELLA SAILED BEFORE IT RAINED, SNOWED AND THEN HAILED

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My umbrella failed, When a tornado came along my umb sailed, Not wanting to up-flow, I let my umb go, Then it rained, then snowed an...
Sunday, April 22, 2018

THE SPILL AND THE MINCE MEAT PIE FLY

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I spilled tomato juice on my mince meat pie, It dis-flavored the mince meat and I thought I would die, And, my mince meat pie ala mode, ...

THE BEARER OF THE JAGGED STEAK KNIFE

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My steak knives are so incredibly dull, The fat on my steaks my knives will not cull,  My steaks tremble with terror, For I'm the ...
Saturday, April 21, 2018

PILLOWS AND FOR WHOM THE CLOCK TICKS

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Sometimes pillows are way to soft, Sometimes they are hard as a rock, Sometimes pillows slip off the bed in my loft, While all night I...
Friday, April 20, 2018

IS TRAVERSE CITY SANTA'S SUMMER RETREAT?

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The jurors are out they say, As to where Santa summers his sleigh, I think it's a pity, If it's not Traverse City, Where he ...
Thursday, April 19, 2018

JIM'S TAPEWORM AND SKINNY TRANSFORMER BRAG

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No one ate nearly as much as Big Jim, In his gut a tapeworm was taking  a swim, And, Big Jim got so skinny, Shopped cloths stores for ...
Sunday, April 15, 2018

WAITING FOR MY TRICKLE-DOWN

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I'm waiting for my trickle-down raise, Although, my boss says a raise would be out of phase, For long, long before, I'll get p...
Friday, April 13, 2018

MY NECK OF THE WOODS

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We don't have much fancy in my neck of the woods, We don't have much money and ain't got many goods, And, everything we find...
Wednesday, April 11, 2018

I BUILT MY HOUSE WITH BORROWED NAILS

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I built my house with borrowed nails, I must of borrowed pails and pails, Now, some want their nails back, That will leave me with som...
Tuesday, April 10, 2018

BANKING, FRANKING, THE MARKETS AND ME

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I lost my money in shadow banking, While the markets rose my account was tanking, Of course when the markets eroded, My account  then imp...
Monday, April 9, 2018

REVOLUTIONARY, NEW POLE BARN FLOOR

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My pole barn had a brand new floor, It was made of ice and nothing more, It worked great most of the year, But, when warm weather got ...
Saturday, April 7, 2018

A LINE IN THE SAND AND A BAD NOODLE TAN

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I drew a line in the sand, I did it with a stick in my hand, I'm not sure what for? Maybe I'm going to war, I think my noodl...
Monday, April 2, 2018

NEW BOOTS AND WORMS IN A CORNFIELD

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In a cornfield I stood worried about what to eat, When, my boots started sinking into a pile of corncrete, I wretched I thought, For t...

THE EASTER BASKET BLUES

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I got an Easter basket but, I do not have any shoes, I can't use my basket for footwear because it did not come in twos, My feet are...
Sunday, April 1, 2018

THE UNCLE JAY JAY RHYMES

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My uncle Jay Jay, Bleached his toupee, Now his hair is all white, Like his daddy Ray Ray, My uncle Jay Jay, Played his trumpet a...
Saturday, March 31, 2018

TOO PRETTY FOR A BIG CITY: A POSSUM'S STORY

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There was a little possum we all knew as Begonia,  Her actual name was a rhyme known as Sonja, She did not like Traverse City, Thought...
Friday, March 30, 2018

A FLIPPING TUNA WITH TATERS

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A giant tuna way out in the sea, Swam up the river for me, I hooked him in the lip, Pulled him on shore in mid-flip,  Now, I'll ...
Tuesday, March 27, 2018

BENNY BROKE AN EARLOBE

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Benny broke an earlobe, Now it's an ear flap, Whoever heard of breaking an earlobe? By wearing a too tight baseball cap.
Thursday, March 22, 2018

CANKER CREAM II

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Many people fell for the scheme, Of trying to buy canker cream, Buy, why should you try it, Just go change things in your diet, Save...
Wednesday, March 21, 2018

CANKER CREAM I

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Poor Sam had a mouth full of cankers, They were puffy and not pinchers or yankers, The suave to make they go away, Was much more than ...
Friday, March 16, 2018

SUCKED DOWN ON THE ICE: A FISHERMAN'S TALE

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When I was fishing out on the ice, A thing happened that made me think twice, For, up from the ice hole,  Came a giant snake with a ro...
Sunday, March 4, 2018

UNDER THE WEATHER SORE THROAT

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I bought me some throat lounges but, my throat is still sore, It feels like some elf gave my throat a tear and a tore, I wish the weath...
Saturday, February 24, 2018

BARD'S GOT A CONCRETE MUSHROOM SONG

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The concrete mushroom in my yard, Gave inspiration to the local bard, But, it seems awful wrong, For a concrete mushroom song, When ...
Friday, February 23, 2018

EYE ON SOUSE

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When Miller stopped at the Biergarten House, He tarried there instead of going home to his spouse, Which made his lonely spouse sob, T...
Tuesday, February 20, 2018

PLANT CLOSURES AND THE PURLOINED TOILET PAPER

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The plant shut down and Dan was sent out the door, He purloined some bath tissue to even the score, But, he was caught with his booty, ...
Monday, February 19, 2018

THE ROOM IN MY WALLET

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There's lots of wiggle room in my wallet, I'm broke and don't know what else to call it, But, I'm soon to get pay, The...
Friday, February 16, 2018

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

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Many people believe that their lives are a mess, To the fairies of failure they kneel to and confess, Of course, all the silver and gold...
Monday, February 12, 2018

THE PEARL DIVING DOG NAMED SAM

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My little dog named Sam, Diving for pearls he swam, But, no oysters, no pearls, Still, he got attention from girls, "He's m...
Saturday, February 10, 2018

WINE, BEER AND THE SINUS BAD CHEER

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My sinuses are on the decline, I drank wine which makes them not fine, But, when I drink beer, My sinuses are of raw cheer, So, with...
Friday, February 9, 2018

UP INTO MY EARS

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When my eyes let go some tears, Before me a tissue box soon appears, But, the tissue the box wouldn't let go, And, with a full nose...
Thursday, February 8, 2018

THE CHICKEN THAT WOULD NOT FLY

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That chicken just won't fly, It's wings are clipped and it's about to fry, And, when it's breast is frying done, I hav...
Tuesday, February 6, 2018

MY FEELINGS ON DRINKING SNOW WATER

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I drank snow water and it was so cold, My throat froze and I was not sold, I want my water hotter, Save the cold for an otter, My dr...
Wednesday, January 31, 2018

I ENTERED A BEAUTY CONTEST LIMERICK

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I entered a beauty contest, And, I gave it all of my best, But, I had disproportional stacking, And, way too much backing, Of course...
Friday, January 26, 2018

THE NEEDLE IN THE THIGH SUGAR HIGH

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I thought I was going to die, When my tailor stuck a needle in my thigh, It hurt so bad I had to cry, Then, I looked at my tailor and ...
Sunday, January 21, 2018

OBEY THE LAW OR YOU WILL BE SPLAYED

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In Midland they have an old saying, In Clare it's a law worth obeying, Don't eat any old Christmas wreath, For it will green u...
Monday, January 15, 2018

PRESCRIPTION SPILLS ADD TO MY BILLS

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Because of frequent spills, I ran out of my prescription pills, When I asked to replace, My insurance said "face," So, rep...
Sunday, January 14, 2018

THE SPARROW'S NUMBER WAS UP

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For the sparrow it was up, his number, He was frozen to a dead branch in slumber, His life had past, So brief, so fast, One dead bir...
Saturday, January 13, 2018

THE NETHERWORLD ONLINE

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I found the nether world online, A place where pop and chips recline, It's a place to slumber, With re-attributed lumber, Where ...
Wednesday, January 10, 2018

THE ONLINE DOC

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Bobby was not well attended, When he broke his arm it barely mended, The doc's degree they say, The doc won on eBay, "Highe...
Sunday, January 7, 2018

AN ICE FISHERMAN'S REVENGE

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I caught a snowman fishing in my shanty on the lake, He had caught fifty perch, it was a really great take, But, he would not share, So, ...
Monday, January 1, 2018

NO CALENDAR NEW YEAR

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It's January One and it is the worst, The new year has begun and it's already the first, Auld Lang Syne we have sang, And, I h...
Saturday, December 30, 2017

POOR PLANNING ON MY NEW YEAR'S EVE

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I had poor planning on my New Year's Eve, Thin ice lost me my sled on Little Lake Steve, And, deep the motor went humming, Be there...
Thursday, December 28, 2017

MERMAID IN A CAN OR PSYCHOLOGY 101

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I like tuna fish but, the family will not touch, I say it's the perfect fish but, they say the fish taste is too much, So, tuna fish...
Tuesday, December 26, 2017

GEORGE WAITED TO SEE THE NEW YEAR

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George waited to see the New Year, He drank fifty cans of light beer, To the bathroom he went, He stayed in there 'till Lent, So he ...
Friday, December 8, 2017

A BAD LIMERICK

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I made a limerick up last week, Its rhymes were solid but rhythms weak, It wasn’t funny, Or sad or sunny, And, its wisdom you would not ...
Thursday, December 7, 2017

CANNING TOMATOES HAIKU

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Canning tomatoes, Big mess on counter and floor, Spoiled, belly ache.
Saturday, December 2, 2017

THERE WAS A BAND THAT PLAYED TOO LOUD

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There was a band that played too loud, They were really bad but, quite proud, They could not rap, Nor rhythm tap, They could never did d...
Saturday, November 18, 2017

MY PRETTY PET PIG

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My pretty pet pig felt so forsaken, When her boyfriend was sold for back bacon, I fed her a lunch, It was bacon,” crunch, crunch”, She w...
Thursday, November 16, 2017

THE MIXED METAPHOR OPINIONS

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Once I was a young belligerent fool, My refrigerant filled veins I thought were cool, I was a well meaning gent, But, my opinions were...
Saturday, November 4, 2017

TOTAL MICHIGAN SEASONS : 2.1

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In Michigan you don't get much fall, Fall is hardly a season at all, Fall is just a small splinter, Between summer and winter, And, ...
Wednesday, November 1, 2017

SANTA WENT FISHING LIMERICK

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Santa went fishing way out on a bay, He ran out of bait so he used his tope, He caught a big steelhead trout, His tope went to the bottom...

ODE TO THE DEEP DARK WEB

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Why not live on the deep dark web, The deep dark web's for me, Why not live on the deep dark web, Where the media all comes free, I...
Sunday, October 29, 2017

THE FISH BAIT WHITTLER

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I sat in my yard swing giving four hours to a whittle, Carving a fish bait to the size of a skittle, Now, some think I should do more, Th...

HENRY'S RUBBER CRAWLERS

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Henry went fishing with his rubber crawlers, They work really well behind fishing traulers, Just tie on the harness for the worm, Watch h...
Saturday, October 28, 2017

MY COMPUTER IS SLOWING WAY DOWN

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My computer is slowing way down, My smile is now a stiff frown, Could  it be  a virus today? Or, the net's slow with E-bay? I'm ...
Wednesday, October 25, 2017

THE CATFISH WAS A GAS AT MY PARTY

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A well dressed catfish showed up at my party, We played clue and that catfish was a smarty, He always knew which weapon and room, And ...
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Leigh Collin Brandt
Northern Michigan, United States
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