LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

I ENTERED A BEAUTY CONTEST LIMERICK

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I entered a beauty contest, And, I gave it all of my best, But, I had disproportional stacking, And, way too much backing, Of course...
Friday, January 26, 2018

THE NEEDLE IN THE THIGH SUGAR HIGH

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I thought I was going to die, When my tailor stuck a needle in my thigh, It hurt so bad I had to cry, Then, I looked at my tailor and ...
Sunday, January 21, 2018

OBEY THE LAW OR YOU WILL BE SPLAYED

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In Midland they have an old saying, In Clare it's a law worth obeying, Don't eat any old Christmas wreath, For it will green u...
Monday, January 15, 2018

PRESCRIPTION SPILLS ADD TO MY BILLS

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Because of frequent spills, I ran out of my prescription pills, When I asked to replace, My insurance said "face," So, rep...
Sunday, January 14, 2018

THE SPARROW'S NUMBER WAS UP

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For the sparrow it was up, his number, He was frozen to a dead branch in slumber, His life had past, So brief, so fast, One dead bir...
Saturday, January 13, 2018

THE NETHERWORLD ONLINE

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I found the nether world online, A place where pop and chips recline, It's a place to slumber, With re-attributed lumber, Where ...
Wednesday, January 10, 2018

THE ONLINE DOC

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Bobby was not well attended, When he broke his arm it barely mended, The doc's degree they say, The doc won on eBay, "Highe...
Sunday, January 7, 2018

AN ICE FISHERMAN'S REVENGE

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I caught a snowman fishing in my shanty on the lake, He had caught fifty perch, it was a really great take, But, he would not share, So, ...
Monday, January 1, 2018

NO CALENDAR NEW YEAR

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It's January One and it is the worst, The new year has begun and it's already the first, Auld Lang Syne we have sang, And, I h...
Saturday, December 30, 2017

POOR PLANNING ON MY NEW YEAR'S EVE

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I had poor planning on my New Year's Eve, Thin ice lost me my sled on Little Lake Steve, And, deep the motor went humming, Be there...
Thursday, December 28, 2017

MERMAID IN A CAN OR PSYCHOLOGY 101

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I like tuna fish but, the family will not touch, I say it's the perfect fish but, they say the fish taste is too much, So, tuna fish...
Tuesday, December 26, 2017

GEORGE WAITED TO SEE THE NEW YEAR

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George waited to see the New Year, He drank fifty cans of light beer, To the bathroom he went, He stayed in there 'till Lent, So he ...
Friday, December 8, 2017

A BAD LIMERICK

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I made a limerick up last week, Its rhymes were solid but rhythms weak, It wasn’t funny, Or sad or sunny, And, its wisdom you would not ...
Thursday, December 7, 2017

CANNING TOMATOES HAIKU

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Canning tomatoes, Big mess on counter and floor, Spoiled, belly ache.
Saturday, December 2, 2017

THERE WAS A BAND THAT PLAYED TOO LOUD

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There was a band that played too loud, They were really bad but, quite proud, They could not rap, Nor rhythm tap, They could never did d...
Saturday, November 18, 2017

MY PRETTY PET PIG

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My pretty pet pig felt so forsaken, When her boyfriend was sold for back bacon, I fed her a lunch, It was bacon,” crunch, crunch”, She w...
Thursday, November 16, 2017

THE MIXED METAPHOR OPINIONS

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Once I was a young belligerent fool, My refrigerant filled veins I thought were cool, I was a well meaning gent, But, my opinions were...
Saturday, November 4, 2017

TOTAL MICHIGAN SEASONS : 2.1

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In Michigan you don't get much fall, Fall is hardly a season at all, Fall is just a small splinter, Between summer and winter, And, ...
Wednesday, November 1, 2017

SANTA WENT FISHING LIMERICK

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Santa went fishing way out on a bay, He ran out of bait so he used his tope, He caught a big steelhead trout, His tope went to the bottom...

ODE TO THE DEEP DARK WEB

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Why not live on the deep dark web, The deep dark web's for me, Why not live on the deep dark web, Where the media all comes free, I...
Sunday, October 29, 2017

THE FISH BAIT WHITTLER

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I sat in my yard swing giving four hours to a whittle, Carving a fish bait to the size of a skittle, Now, some think I should do more, Th...

HENRY'S RUBBER CRAWLERS

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Henry went fishing with his rubber crawlers, They work really well behind fishing traulers, Just tie on the harness for the worm, Watch h...
Saturday, October 28, 2017

MY COMPUTER IS SLOWING WAY DOWN

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My computer is slowing way down, My smile is now a stiff frown, Could  it be  a virus today? Or, the net's slow with E-bay? I'm ...
Wednesday, October 25, 2017

THE CATFISH WAS A GAS AT MY PARTY

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A well dressed catfish showed up at my party, We played clue and that catfish was a smarty, He always knew which weapon and room, And ...

BANKERS THEE

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Mel and Bernie Bankers Thee, What will you guys take from me? You took my money, You took my house, You even took my kids and spouse.
Tuesday, October 24, 2017

GUIDE TO BEING A LADIES MAN LIMERICK

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If a guy over ladies wants power, Then, at least once a day he should shower, And, to remove a romantic despair, A guy should well wash...
Sunday, October 22, 2017

BANKING, FRANKING, THE MARKETS AND ME

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I lost my money in shadow banking, While the markets rose my account was tanking, Of course when the markets eroded, My account  then imp...
Thursday, October 12, 2017

CORRINE THE MERMAID IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

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Corrine is a mermaid in Grand Traverse Bay, She is shy so if she sees you she will swim away, She swims free like a trout, But, watches a...
Wednesday, October 11, 2017

CHIPMUNK VS SQURREL SHOPPIING PHILOSOPHY

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The squirrel went to a regular store, The chipmunk shopped online, The chipmunk drank his cheap label beer, The squirrel sampled fine che...
Tuesday, October 10, 2017

THERE ONCE WAS A CROCODILE NAMED LARRY LIMERICK 1

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There once was a crocodile named Larry, He was the only crock that was hairy, His fangs were real long, His claws sharp and strong, He c...
Monday, October 9, 2017

THE ROAD MOST TAKEN

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If you take the road most taken, You’ll bring home a lot of bacon, Take the road that’s not, You won’t have a pot, Then, with your famil...
Thursday, October 5, 2017

DANNY HATED BOOKS

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Danny hated books, Reading hurt his head too much, Became Senator.
Monday, October 2, 2017

LARRY THE CROCODILE LIMERICK 2

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Larry the crocodile owns a bank, He swims all day in his deluxe fish tank, If your payments are late, Then, you will surely be ate, It...
Sunday, October 1, 2017

GENERATIONS NO DOUGH

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The days are long, The nights are short, So, my late nights out, I must abort, Working long hours, Can't get ahead, What ...
Friday, September 29, 2017

PEPPY THE ANTIQUE PICKER LIMERICK

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Peppy was a popular picker of antique coins and clothes, She did not have to see a top pick; she could smell it with her nose, But, someth...
Wednesday, September 20, 2017

THE TWIT WHO WRIT THE SKIT

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I be the twit who writ the skit, About the possum who liked to knit, I thought it had an Emmy's gold glow, As a series TV show, ...
Thursday, September 14, 2017

SAVANNAH TOO SMART

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Savannah was just too smart, She was segregated apart, She had such a yearn, To be too stupid to learn, And to laugh when one throws a l...
Sunday, September 10, 2017

CLARITY OF MIND

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Today I had a "clarity of mind," I realized that I was in a real bind, My taxes were due, My insurances too, And, no money cou...
Saturday, September 9, 2017

IVAN THE BEAR LIKES FISH

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There was a grizzly bear named Ivan, In the river he'd go a diving, He'd make a wish, Dive for a fish, A fish dinner he was a st...
Tuesday, August 29, 2017

BUNNY BLUE WAS MY FAVORITE BOOK

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Bunny Blue was my favorite book, My mom would read it in the window nook, And, every single word, I memorized as I heard, With each ...
Wednesday, August 23, 2017

MY CRITIQUE OF DINERS

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I read all the silly little signs, At the places where I dines, I also notice the sticky tables, And, the toilet monsters born from fa...
Monday, August 21, 2017

THE ONLINE CREEPY CRAWLERS

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Everywhere online I go, The creepy crawlers think they know, My wants good and bad, They target with ad, To get a click to make ...
Friday, August 18, 2017

TEQUILA AND THE ECLIPSE

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I went up the hill to watch the eclipse, The walk was really hard on my hips, And, Old Sol was unkind, For my stares made me blind, ...
Saturday, August 12, 2017

TOO LATE FOR THE TIN TOY SOLDIERS

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My tin soldiers were all covered in crust, I had left them outside for years to just rust, I cleaned them one day, And, the rust crust...

MY GIRLFRIEND PICKS HER NOSE HAIKU

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Girlfriend picks her nose, Not happy with what I see, She has job, ignore.
Friday, August 11, 2017

PAPA CRAIG MITCHELL MIXED HIS COFFEE AND TEA

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Papa Craig Mitchell mixed his coffee and tea, He added milk, sugar and, honey made by a bee, Many thought he was insane, Some disease of ...
Saturday, August 5, 2017

MY BANKER TOLD ME TO BUY REAL ESTATE LIMERICK

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My banker told me to buy real estate, I lost my shirt by the closing date, My broker said buy stocks, Then, stocks hit the rocks, I gues...
Tuesday, July 25, 2017

I LOST MY JOB ETC. LIMERICK

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I lost my job, my car and, my home, I'm kind of stuck with no where to roam, I've moved in with my parents, I'm here with for...
Sunday, July 23, 2017

WITH NO SPINNER I'LL HAVE NO FISH FOR DINNER

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I did not catch no fish for dinner, For in the weeds I lost my spinner, And, spinners bring joy, To each fish girl and fish boy, So,...
Friday, July 21, 2017

THE LEANEST CHICKEN SANDWICH IS NOT AS GOOD AS BEAN

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I ate a chicken sandwich guaranteed to be lean, But, there wasn't any chicken for the sandwich bun was clean,  And, I was in a daze,...
Sunday, July 16, 2017

DOWN CAME THE OLD WHITE PINE LIMERICK

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Down came the old white pine, After a lightning bolt broke its spine, Now, I'll use the branches and splinters, For hearth fires i...
Thursday, July 6, 2017

I JUST MADE THIS TWEET

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I just made this tweet, I just made this twitter, I commented on someone's poor hygiene, Then, their response was bitter.

THERE WAS A BAND THAT PLAYED OUT OF TUNE

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A band played way out of tune, They played from midnight until noon, And, they could not keep a beat, Even tapping their feet, I wish th...
Sunday, July 2, 2017

DRIVER'S EYE EXAM HAIKU

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Driver’s exam, eyes, Letters, blur, blur, gone, can't see, No see, no drive, Failed!

I DID NOT FRECKLE WELL

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I fear my face has been Dr. Jeckeled, I went to bed with clear skin and woke up all freckled, And, the great change in my face, Has my fr...
Wednesday, June 28, 2017

IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK

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It's Friday the Thirteenth and I can't win, I'm being visited by a houseful of kin, They devoured all my steaks, Leaving me t...
Monday, June 26, 2017

NO PAY NO STAY

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Your rent you must always pay, If you don‘t you‘ll be forced away, Like my parents would always say, “Remember son, no pay no stay.”
Sunday, June 25, 2017

JASON WAS THE LIMERICK KING

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Jason was the limerick king, He could rhyme about anything, He was good with the rhyme, But his time was a crime, So he never had any bl...
Saturday, June 24, 2017

HAROLD THE THESPIAN

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Harold was a thespian, He wrote the thespian news, In order to right something that sounded good, Harold really hit the hard booze, So ...
Friday, June 23, 2017

LIONS NEED ME

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Woods, full of lions, Stalking, drooling, pining me, Feelings, needed, me.
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Leigh Collin Brandt
Northern Michigan, United States
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