LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I sat in my yard swing giving four hours to a whittle, Carving a fish bait to the size of a skittle, Now, some think I should do more, Th...

Henry went fishing with his rubber crawlers, They work really well behind fishing traulers, Just tie on the harness for the worm, Watch h...

My computer is slowing way down, My smile is now a stiff frown, Could  it be  a virus today? Or, the net's slow with E-bay? I'm ...

A well dressed catfish showed up at my party, We played clue and that catfish was a smarty, He always knew which weapon and room, And ...

Mel and Bernie Bankers Thee, What will you guys take from me? You took my money, You took my house, You even took my kids and spouse.

If a guy over ladies wants power, Then, at least once a day he should shower, And, to remove a romantic despair, A guy should well wash...

I lost my money in shadow banking, While the markets rose my account was tanking, Of course when the markets eroded, My account  then imp...

Corrine is a mermaid in Grand Traverse Bay, She is shy so if she sees you she will swim away, She swims free like a trout, But, watches a...

The squirrel went to a regular store, The chipmunk shopped online, The chipmunk drank his cheap label beer, The squirrel sampled fine che...

There once was a crocodile named Larry, He was the only crock that was hairy, His fangs were real long, His claws sharp and strong, He c...

If you take the road most taken, You’ll bring home a lot of bacon, Take the road that’s not, You won’t have a pot, Then, with your famil...

Danny hated books, Reading hurt his head too much, Became Senator.

Larry the crocodile owns a bank, He swims all day in his deluxe fish tank, If your payments are late, Then, you will surely be ate, It...

The days are long, The nights are short, So, my late nights out, I must abort, Working long hours, Can't get ahead, What ...

Peppy was a popular picker of antique coins and clothes, She did not have to see a top pick; she could smell it with her nose, But, someth...

I be the twit who writ the skit, About the possum who liked to knit, I thought it had an Emmy's gold glow, As a series TV show, ...

Savannah was just too smart, She was segregated apart, She had such a yearn, To be too stupid to learn, And to laugh when one throws a l...

Today I had a "clarity of mind," I realized that I was in a real bind, My taxes were due, My insurances too, And, no money cou...

There was a grizzly bear named Ivan, In the river he'd go a diving, He'd make a wish, Dive for a fish, A fish dinner he was a st...

Bunny Blue was my favorite book, My mom would read it in the window nook, And, every single word, I memorized as I heard, With each ...

I read all the silly little signs, At the places where I dines, I also notice the sticky tables, And, the toilet monsters born from fa...

Everywhere online I go, The creepy crawlers think they know, My wants good and bad, They target with ad, To get a click to make ...

I went up the hill to watch the eclipse, The walk was really hard on my hips, And, Old Sol was unkind, For my stares made me blind, ...

My tin soldiers were all covered in crust, I had left them outside for years to just rust, I cleaned them one day, And, the rust crust...

Girlfriend picks her nose, Not happy with what I see, She has job, ignore.

Papa Craig Mitchell mixed his coffee and tea, He added milk, sugar and, honey made by a bee, Many thought he was insane, Some disease of ...

My banker told me to buy real estate, I lost my shirt by the closing date, My broker said buy stocks, Then, stocks hit the rocks, I gues...

I lost my job, my car and, my home, I'm kind of stuck with no where to roam, I've moved in with my parents, I'm here with for...

I did not catch no fish for dinner, For in the weeds I lost my spinner, And, spinners bring joy, To each fish girl and fish boy, So,...

I ate a chicken sandwich guaranteed to be lean, But, there wasn't any chicken for the sandwich bun was clean,  And, I was in a daze,...

Down came the old white pine, After a lightning bolt broke its spine, Now, I'll use the branches and splinters, For hearth fires i...

I just made this tweet, I just made this twitter, I commented on someone's poor hygiene, Then, their response was bitter.

A band played way out of tune, They played from midnight until noon, And, they could not keep a beat, Even tapping their feet, I wish th...

Driver’s exam, eyes, Letters, blur, blur, gone, can't see, No see, no drive, Failed!

I fear my face has been Dr. Jeckeled, I went to bed with clear skin and woke up all freckled, And, the great change in my face, Has my fr...

It's Friday the Thirteenth and I can't win, I'm being visited by a houseful of kin, They devoured all my steaks, Leaving me t...

Your rent you must always pay, If you don‘t you‘ll be forced away, Like my parents would always say, “Remember son, no pay no stay.”

Jason was the limerick king, He could rhyme about anything, He was good with the rhyme, But his time was a crime, So he never had any bl...

Harold was a thespian, He wrote the thespian news, In order to right something that sounded good, Harold really hit the hard booze, So ...

Woods, full of lions, Stalking, drooling, pining me, Feelings, needed, me.

I decided to go to the Western Bar, I walked because it was not too far, My white cowboy hat had yellowed, So, passersby bellowed, My we...

My fingers got blown off today, Now, my banjo I clearly can't play, I blame my cell phone, Which was explosion prone, Because, of ho...

In Grand Traverse Bay there are sharks who will bite, So, onto your arms and your legs hold on tight, And, best guard your head, If shark...

I got a cricket beneath my old bed, I got it's chirping in my throbbing head, So, I took a look, To smack him with a book, Out the w...

Everyone has left town for a holiday bash, It's off to the lake for a tan and a splash, And, the prices I'm told, Reflect a we...

I went fishing out on the waves so big, I used 10 lbs of sinkers to steady my jig, And, did I hook a whopper, A real surface flopper, ...

There's sharks in Grand Traverse Bay, Otherwise, it's a nice place to stay, But, the sharks always attack, Few swimmers come back...

I am poised to be a winner if, no one else shows up, I will run the mighty hometown dash and take home the winner's cup, For althoug...

My spaceship didn't get into outer space, Instead, it crashed upon it's face, I would have cried, But, of course I died, In ...

I gave my pig a real fair choice, Become a ham or use his voice, His tenor voice was brilliant, Really opera resilient, Now, his ride is...

Salmon fishing, cold, Leaky waders, wet socks, POW!!! Run over, boat, OUCH!!!

Gregg used a pencil to clean out his nose, It was a poor choice and caused him great woes, Though he used the eraser end, It got stuck in th...

A space monkey landed on my old car, He was nasty cause he got drunk at the bar, He barred his mean teeth, He bit my little brother named Ke...

Roy was a great big summer moth, He only ate pure cotton cloth, He would never play fair, Ate holes in underwear, The drafts made you ye...

I took a pottery class and made me a pot, But, it didn't hold liquids because it leaked a lot, So, I stored in it my change, The deno...

Old John Vien cut the timber down, On his eighty acres, He floated the logs down the stream, To find some timber takers, John Vien...

A zombie came up to my door, And, sold me life insurance until I was poor, He put me in my place, As he chewed on his own face, So, I go...

I have the laziest cat in my dwelling, Lately, his litter box has been smelling, I told my cat to clean it out, But, he just cracked open...

As Mr. Winter opened his mouth, Many tweeters flew to the South, But, when I felt the cold air, I was a hibernating bear, Still, I envy ...

I don't mind being called a Hypocrite, I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit, Ideas, my mind can't hold, My brains are ...