LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Bunny Blue was my favorite book, My mom would read it in the window nook, And, every single word, I memorized as I heard, With each ...

I read all the silly little signs, At the places where I dines, I also notice the sticky tables, And, the toilet monsters born from fa...

Everywhere online I go, The creepy crawlers think they know, My wants good and bad, They target with ad, To get a click to make ...

I went up the hill to watch the eclipse, The walk was really hard on my hips, And, Old Sol was unkind, For my stares made me blind, ...

My tin soldiers were all covered in crust, I had left them outside for years to just rust, I cleaned them one day, And, the rust crust...

Girlfriend picks her nose, Not happy with what I see, She has job, ignore.

Papa Craig Mitchell mixed his coffee and tea, He added milk, sugar and, honey made by a bee, Many thought he was insane, Some disease of ...

My banker told me to buy real estate, I lost my shirt by the closing date, My broker said buy stocks, Then, stocks hit the rocks, I gues...

I lost my job, my car and, my home, I'm kind of stuck with no where to roam, I've moved in with my parents, I'm here with for...

I did not catch no fish for dinner, For in the weeds I lost my spinner, And, spinners bring joy, To each fish girl and fish boy, So,...

I ate a chicken sandwich guaranteed to be lean, But, there wasn't any chicken for the sandwich bun was clean,  And, I was in a daze,...

Down came the old white pine, After a lightning bolt broke its spine, Now, I'll use the branches and splinters, For hearth fires i...

I just made this tweet, I just made this twitter, I commented on someone's poor hygiene, Then, their response was bitter.

A band played way out of tune, They played from midnight until noon, And, they could not keep a beat, Even tapping their feet, I wish th...

Driver’s exam, eyes, Letters, blur, blur, gone, can't see, No see, no drive, Failed!

I fear my face has been Dr. Jeckeled, I went to bed with clear skin and woke up all freckled, And, the great change in my face, Has my fr...

It's Friday the Thirteenth and I can't win, I'm being visited by a houseful of kin, They devoured all my steaks, Leaving me t...

Your rent you must always pay, If you don‘t you‘ll be forced away, Like my parents would always say, “Remember son, no pay no stay.”

Jason was the limerick king, He could rhyme about anything, He was good with the rhyme, But his time was a crime, So he never had any bl...

Harold was a thespian, He wrote the thespian news, In order to right something that sounded good, Harold really hit the hard booze, So ...

Woods, full of lions, Stalking, drooling, pining me, Feelings, needed, me.

I decided to go to the Western Bar, I walked because it was not too far, My white cowboy hat had yellowed, So, passersby bellowed, My we...

My fingers got blown off today, Now, my banjo I clearly can't play, I blame my cell phone, Which was explosion prone, Because, of ho...

In Grand Traverse Bay there are sharks who will bite, So, onto your arms and your legs hold on tight, And, best guard your head, If shark...

I got a cricket beneath my old bed, I got it's chirping in my throbbing head, So, I took a look, To smack him with a book, Out the w...

Everyone has left town for a holiday bash, It's off to the lake for a tan and a splash, And, the prices I'm told, Reflect a we...

I went fishing out on the waves so big, I used 10 lbs of sinkers to steady my jig, And, did I hook a whopper, A real surface flopper, ...

There's sharks in Grand Traverse Bay, Otherwise, it's a nice place to stay, But, the sharks always attack, Few swimmers come back...

I am poised to be a winner if, no one else shows up, I will run the mighty hometown dash and take home the winner's cup, For althoug...

My spaceship didn't get into outer space, Instead, it crashed upon it's face, I would have cried, But, of course I died, In ...

I gave my pig a real fair choice, Become a ham or use his voice, His tenor voice was brilliant, Really opera resilient, Now, his ride is...

Salmon fishing, cold, Leaky waders, wet socks, POW!!! Run over, boat, OUCH!!!

A space monkey landed on my old car, He was nasty cause he got drunk at the bar, He barred his mean teeth, He bit my little brother named Ke...

Roy was a great big summer moth, He only ate pure cotton cloth, He would never play fair, Ate holes in underwear, The drafts made you ye...

I took a pottery class and made me a pot, But, it didn't hold liquids because it leaked a lot, So, I stored in it my change, The deno...

Old John Vien cut the timber down, On his eighty acres, He floated the logs down the stream, To find some timber takers, John Vien...

A zombie came up to my door, And, sold me life insurance until I was poor, He put me in my place, As he chewed on his own face, So, I go...

I have the laziest cat in my dwelling, Lately, his litter box has been smelling, I told my cat to clean it out, But, he just cracked open...

As Mr. Winter opened his mouth, Many tweeters flew to the South, But, when I felt the cold air, I was a hibernating bear, Still, I envy ...

I don't mind being called a Hypocrite, I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit, Ideas, my mind can't hold, My brains are ...

New Year's Day, Big Deal, Horizon Bleak, Sunshine Rare, Year Of The Bed Bug!

  My computer screen obscured my view, Through the window in the door, I moved my computer screen so my view was true, Then, my screen cr...

There were some bloggers on the net, Who found some facts that many regret, Regarding a violent Santa Claus, Who got divorced for just...

My cranberry wine has gone bad, It was never too good but it had... A pungent aroma, And, it could deliver a coma, Overall, it wasn'...

My grandma said my birthday money was sent directly in the mail, But, the mailman confessed to stealing it now, he's locked up in the j...

The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year, I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer, The water was ice cold, And...

Danny Dill was a real restaurateur, He had found an angle; a meat lover’s lure, Danny Dill hunted the Michigan Yetti, Then, made Yetti me...

I was watching the northern star, Unfortunately, I was driving my car, I hit some black ice, My car spun round thrice, I ended up in the...

It's the time of the year when Santa goes "Ho,Ho", It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow, I'm stuck ...

My eyes grew tired, My eyes went shut, My shell was cracked, I am a walnut, I have no eyes, At least none to see, I'm a tasty tre...

Big buck deer hunting, Cold, wet, slimy stumps, nose runs, No see, no shoot, DRAT!

An election is like questioning Trick or Treat, Maybe none of the candy is fit to eat, And, no matter which kind you pick, Chances are...

Financial markets are all in the tank, We have all those fraudsters to thank, Of course, I'm not too bold, I sold off and bought gold...

I put my fish up for sale, While it was still flopping around in the pail, But, I didn't get a buyer, Just one very high flyer, An e...

Fly Biter was the spider king, He knew so cause he had the royal ring, But, he got caught in a web, Spun by his big sister Deb, Now, she...

My porcelain rabbit went to the floor, It scattered pieces from the TV to the door, The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase, Bu...

Although they survived the summer covered with blight, I'm afraid all my roses got frozen last night, I was so sure they were tough, ...

When Ron reads tweets about him he gets really mad, Because, the tweeters who tweet about him tweet him really bad, But, Ron tweets tweets...

In Michigan you don't get much fall, Fall is hardly a season at all, Fall is just a small splinter, Between summer and winter, And, ...

I caught some fish with gills of blue, I dried and dipped them in fondue, But, they caused many moans, Because they were full of bones, ...