LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK

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It's Friday the Thirteenth and I can't win, I'm being visited by a houseful of kin, They devoured all my steaks, Leaving me t...
Monday, June 26, 2017

NO PAY NO STAY

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Your rent you must always pay, If you don‘t you‘ll be forced away, Like my parents would always say, “Remember son, no pay no stay.”
Sunday, June 25, 2017

JASON WAS THE LIMERICK KING

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Jason was the limerick king, He could rhyme about anything, He was good with the rhyme, But his time was a crime, So he never had any bl...
Saturday, June 24, 2017

HAROLD THE THESPIAN

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Harold was a thespian, He wrote the thespian news, In order to right something that sounded good, Harold really hit the hard booze, So ...
Friday, June 23, 2017

LIONS NEED ME

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Woods, full of lions, Stalking, drooling, pining me, Feelings, needed, me.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017

THE YELLOWED COWBOY HAT OF TEXAS

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I decided to go to the Western Bar, I walked because it was not too far, My white cowboy hat had yellowed, So, passersby bellowed, My we...
Sunday, June 4, 2017

HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

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My fingers got blown off today, Now, my banjo I clearly can't play, I blame my cell phone, Which was explosion prone, Because, of ho...
Saturday, June 3, 2017

HEADLESS BODIES AND SHARKS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

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In Grand Traverse Bay there are sharks who will bite, So, onto your arms and your legs hold on tight, And, best guard your head, If shark...
Friday, June 2, 2017

I GOT A CRICKET

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I got a cricket beneath my old bed, I got it's chirping in my throbbing head, So, I took a look, To smack him with a book, Out the w...
Saturday, May 27, 2017

HOLIDAY CRISIS

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Everyone has left town for a holiday bash, It's off to the lake for a tan and a splash, And, the prices I'm told, Reflect a we...
Thursday, May 4, 2017

I STEADIED MY JIG TO EAT FISH LIKE A PIG

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I went fishing out on the waves so big, I used 10 lbs of sinkers to steady my jig, And, did I hook a whopper, A real surface flopper, ...
Tuesday, May 2, 2017

THE SHARKS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

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There's sharks in Grand Traverse Bay, Otherwise, it's a nice place to stay, But, the sharks always attack, Few swimmers come back...
Monday, April 24, 2017

POISED TO BE A WINNER

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I am poised to be a winner if, no one else shows up, I will run the mighty hometown dash and take home the winner's cup, For althoug...
Thursday, March 30, 2017

MY SPACESHIP DIDN'T MAKE AND NEITHER DID I

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My spaceship didn't get into outer space, Instead, it crashed upon it's face, I would have cried, But, of course I died, In ...
Monday, March 13, 2017

THE TENOR PIG THAT MADE IT BIG

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I gave my pig a real fair choice, Become a ham or use his voice, His tenor voice was brilliant, Really opera resilient, Now, his ride is...
Friday, March 10, 2017

MY SALMON FISHING DAY

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Salmon fishing, cold, Leaky waders, wet socks, POW!!! Run over, boat, OUCH!!!
Friday, February 17, 2017

GREGG USED A PENCIL TO CLEAN OUT HIS NOSE

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Gregg used a pencil to clean out his nose, It was a poor choice and caused him great woes, Though he used the eraser end, It got stuck in th...
Thursday, February 16, 2017

SPACE MONKEY JUSTICE

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A space monkey landed on my old car, He was nasty cause he got drunk at the bar, He barred his mean teeth, He bit my little brother named Ke...
Thursday, February 2, 2017

EVIL ROY THE MOTH LIMERICK

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Roy was a great big summer moth, He only ate pure cotton cloth, He would never play fair, Ate holes in underwear, The drafts made you ye...
Wednesday, February 1, 2017

I DON'T PUT THE QUARTERS IN MY LEAKY POT

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I took a pottery class and made me a pot, But, it didn't hold liquids because it leaked a lot, So, I stored in it my change, The deno...
Thursday, January 26, 2017

THE JOHN VIEN TOOTHPICK LEGEND

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Old John Vien cut the timber down, On his eighty acres, He floated the logs down the stream, To find some timber takers, John Vien...
Wednesday, January 25, 2017

MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN

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A zombie came up to my door, And, sold me life insurance until I was poor, He put me in my place, As he chewed on his own face, So, I go...
Thursday, January 19, 2017

I SMELL A LITTER BOX

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I have the laziest cat in my dwelling, Lately, his litter box has been smelling, I told my cat to clean it out, But, he just cracked open...
Thursday, January 12, 2017

I HIBERNATE BUT I'D RATHER HEAD SOUTH

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As Mr. Winter opened his mouth, Many tweeters flew to the South, But, when I felt the cold air, I was a hibernating bear, Still, I envy ...
Tuesday, January 10, 2017

BRAIN PUDDING

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I don't mind being called a Hypocrite, I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit, Ideas, my mind can't hold, My brains are ...
Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017 ON THE NEGATIVE HAIKU

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New Year's Day, Big Deal, Horizon Bleak, Sunshine Rare, Year Of The Bed Bug!
Tuesday, December 27, 2016

MY COMPUTER SCREEN PROBLEM

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  My computer screen obscured my view, Through the window in the door, I moved my computer screen so my view was true, Then, my screen cr...
Sunday, December 18, 2016

DON'T BLOG BAD FACTS ABOUT SANTA

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There were some bloggers on the net, Who found some facts that many regret, Regarding a violent Santa Claus, Who got divorced for just...

MY CRANBERRY WINE HAS GONE BAD

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My cranberry wine has gone bad, It was never too good but it had... A pungent aroma, And, it could deliver a coma, Overall, it wasn'...
Sunday, December 11, 2016

THE MAILMAN AND MY BIRTHDAY MONEY

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My grandma said my birthday money was sent directly in the mail, But, the mailman confessed to stealing it now, he's locked up in the j...
Wednesday, December 7, 2016

THE ICE FESTIVAL DID NOT GO WELL

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The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year, I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer, The water was ice cold, And...
Monday, December 5, 2016

YETTI SPAGHETTI MEATBALLS: A MICHIGAN RECEIPE

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Danny Dill was a real restaurateur, He had found an angle; a meat lover’s lure, Danny Dill hunted the Michigan Yetti, Then, made Yetti me...

I WAS WATCHING THE NORTHERN STAR

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I was watching the northern star, Unfortunately, I was driving my car, I hit some black ice, My car spun round thrice, I ended up in the...
Sunday, December 4, 2016

IT'S THE TIME OF THE YEAR...

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It's the time of the year when Santa goes "Ho,Ho", It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow, I'm stuck ...
Saturday, December 3, 2016

THE WALNUT SILLY RHYME

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My eyes grew tired, My eyes went shut, My shell was cracked, I am a walnut, I have no eyes, At least none to see, I'm a tasty tre...
Friday, December 2, 2016

BIG BUCK DEER HUNTING-HAIKU

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Big buck deer hunting, Cold, wet, slimy stumps, nose runs, No see, no shoot, DRAT!
Monday, November 7, 2016

AN ELECTION OR TRICK OR TREAT

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An election is like questioning Trick or Treat, Maybe none of the candy is fit to eat, And, no matter which kind you pick, Chances are...
Sunday, October 30, 2016

FINANCIAL MARKETS ARE ALL IN THE TANK

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Financial markets are all in the tank, We have all those fraudsters to thank, Of course, I'm not too bold, I sold off and bought gold...
Friday, October 28, 2016

MY FISH WENT FLYING

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I put my fish up for sale, While it was still flopping around in the pail, But, I didn't get a buyer, Just one very high flyer, An e...
Tuesday, October 18, 2016

THE SPIDER ROYAL RIVALRY

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Fly Biter was the spider king, He knew so cause he had the royal ring, But, he got caught in a web, Spun by his big sister Deb, Now, she...
Wednesday, October 12, 2016

GRANDMA'S PORCELAIN RABBIT

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My porcelain rabbit went to the floor, It scattered pieces from the TV to the door, The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase, Bu...
Wednesday, October 5, 2016

MY ROSES WERE NOT SO TOUGH

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Although they survived the summer covered with blight, I'm afraid all my roses got frozen last night, I was so sure they were tough, ...
Tuesday, October 4, 2016

THE LIMERICK OF THE NASTY TWEETER

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When Ron reads tweets about him he gets really mad, Because, the tweeters who tweet about him tweet him really bad, But, Ron tweets tweets...
Sunday, October 2, 2016

TOTAL MICHIGAN SEASONS : 2.1

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In Michigan you don't get much fall, Fall is hardly a season at all, Fall is just a small splinter, Between summer and winter, And, ...
Thursday, September 29, 2016

DRIED BLUEGILL FONDUE

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I caught some fish with gills of blue, I dried and dipped them in fondue, But, they caused many moans, Because they were full of bones, ...
Wednesday, September 14, 2016

THE MUFFLER (FROM RUST TO DUST)

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While in my car I heard the worst darn sound, When my muffler fell and hit the ground, My muffler had melted to rust, And, was now mostly...
Thursday, September 8, 2016

GETTING A CLEAR TV SIGNAL

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My cable picture is pixeled, My dish picture's all haze,                 My antennae big booster,           Boosted my TV with a b...
Saturday, September 3, 2016

HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

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My fingers got blown off today, Now, my banjo I clearly can't play, I blame my cell phone, Which was explosion prone, Because, of ho...
Friday, August 26, 2016

WHAT'S UNDER THE DOCK?

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I went to pull in my boat dock, I didn't need it cause my boat was in hock, But, upon wading into the water, My right foot grew painf...
Wednesday, August 24, 2016

MY SISTER GIVES HAIRCUTS

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My sister gives haircuts, oh dear, oh dear, She'll steady her hand for a six pack of beer, Or, when she gets through, You'll know...
Tuesday, August 23, 2016

MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN

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A zombie came up to my door, And, sold me life insurance until I was poor, He put me in my place, As he chewed on his own face, So, I go...
Monday, August 22, 2016

A HALLOWEEN TREAT IN AUGUST

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It was an August drought and the earth was frying, All around my home the plants were dying, Then, under my bed I found a treat, A Hallow...
Saturday, August 20, 2016

LAWN NEEDLES AND LOVERS OF PAIN

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It rained on the lawn but it didn't do much good, The grass was so dry that like hard needles it stood, So, to walk on with bare feet,...
Friday, August 19, 2016

THE TOOL SHED, TRAILER AND FIRE

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In the back tool shed the generator ran, To keep going my trailer's air conditioner and fan, But, due to a fault in a wire, My tool s...
Wednesday, August 17, 2016

THE DROUGHT SURVIVALIST

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All my tomato plants died in the drought, As did the rest of my garden which made a drought rout, So, with no veggies to eat, I'll re...
Monday, August 15, 2016

CLARITY OF MIND

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Today I had a "clarity of mind," I realized that I was in a real bind, My taxes were due, My insurances too, And, no money cou...
Saturday, August 13, 2016

BOWLING FOR BEERS AND ROMANCE

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My buds and I went romance trolling, To places that had cold beers and bowling, But, after ten gutter balls, And, getting embarrassing ca...
Friday, August 12, 2016

A DAY ON THE LAWN

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My riding mower got stuck in a rut, My push mower wouldn't even put-put,  My weed whacker rolled over with a wheeze, The only thing i...

I SMELL A LITTER BOX

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I have the laziest cat in my dwelling, Lately, his litter box has been smelling, I told my cat to clean it out, But, he just cracked open...
Thursday, August 11, 2016

DON'T BLOG BAD FACTS ABOUT SANTA

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There were some bloggers on the net, Who found some facts that many regret, Regarding a violent Santa Claus, Who got divorced for just...
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Leigh Collin Brandt
Northern Michigan, United States
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