LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

David was a young man of dread, He was always unhappy in his head, He looked down and not up, Like some sad little pup, While blue skies hid...

Cell phone, static noise, Sister's birthday, call dropped twice, Communication?

I wonder where my tools all went, Did the neighbor bring back the ones I lent? Did someone find my tools had quite an appeal, And, tak...

I'm afraid I told my girlfriend a little fib, When I bragged about my fabulous crib, She was taken aback, With my tar papered shack, ...

Jim's doctor does claims for fraudulent health care, The doctor makes loads of money and Jim is aware, For Jim fakes a heart attack, ...

There was a deer that was completely unseen, He was hiding in branches real thick and real green, To the hunters despair, They saw no dee...

I had a fish in my yard, He went and ate my swiss chard, He was such a savage,  He ate all of my cabbage, He brags about it everywhere l...

My turkey Mabel looked really nice, Prancing around and pecking lice, So, my turkey Mabel, Won't be served on my table, The r...

Poor Dachshund Dan, He wanted to walk like a man, But, when he walked on two legs, It was like he was moving stiff pegs, And, he was stu...

My chickens are moving so slow, They blame the cold and the snow, But, if the cold they can't beat, I guess they're ready to eat,...

There is a reason, Born, live, save life, make life, be, No terms, just worms, see.

Ironman, Batman and, Superman one day, Went fishing for perch far out on the bay, Ironman became rust, Batman turned to dust, While Supe...

There was old bison named Joe, He stepped on farmer Jacks little toe, Joe said he was sorry, But, Jack brought round his lorry, Now off ...

The figs I ate were rotten, That's why they were cheaply gotten, So, when at a store, Don't buy like you're poor, Or, on the...

Peabody Smith sat on a hill, He was drinking his brandy, And having a thrill, Peabody looked out on his city with delight, Then the mos...

My alarm clock made a horrible tone It chilled me all the way to the bone, I found a big rock, I smashed-up the clock, But, the tone cam...

Mr. Pib owned a broken time machine, Only into the future it found it’s scene, Pib could not go back in time, So, he aged from his prime,...

Tim found a really large treasure, He hid it again for good measure, His brother named Steve, He just loved to thieve, Would steal it ju...

It's October the fourth and "oh my," My robot named Doug went bye, bye, Doug went completely insane, Then, he got on a plan...

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah, She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara, Oatmeal cookies she sold, Made a big pot of gold, So, she bou...

Martha's wicked whirligig, It was so fast, so big, It spun way to fast, Then, went flying at last, And, made bacon out of Maribel...

It's the first of September, It's so cold that I'll remember, No food in the yard, And, in the house just some lard, But, th...

Mr. Meade was truly a rare instrumental star, He played "Flight of the Bumblebee" on trumpet or guitar, He played in Chicago an...

Jon was attacked by the no-see-em flies, When attacked in mass everyone dies, Poor Jon fell asunder, By the no-see-em plunder, He never ...

A satirical limerick was let loose, That helped to cook a Congressman’s goose, It made him look bad, So, he got really mad, And, banned ...

My nanny sailed away on a ship, Her nanny job she decided to flip, And, as to my kids, She gave them all goodbye bids, But, she wanted a...

My banker has a desperate desire, To be a real life money vampire, On my credit he sucks, Charges big interest bucks, And, my bank fees ...

Randy's ex-wife sent him a real nasty tweet, She said she left him because of his stinky feet, Randy blamed the wet weather, And, cheap ...

Caroline was the light on the bay, When she left the light faded away, I promised that I would change, But, my voice was out of range, N...

Junior decided to explore his id, But, found out his id was really a a squid, So, Junior swam out to the sea, To eat fish and be free, A...

Wendell was a wild weird wart, With whopping wicked ways, He cried over each labor cost report, And, rewarded workers with false praise. ...

Tony liked to ride his pig, Out to the yearly truffles dig, But, the pig wouldn't use his snout, Until he had a pint of good stout, ...

Bye, bye heat wave with the new falling rain,  But, the lightning strike has caused me so much pain,  I know that I’m not dead, Cause I f...

It's 2015 and the last day of July, I'm mad at the world because I can't kill this fly, He out flies my flyswatter, So, my an...

Georgia burned her house all up, Because she used a paper cup, For a cheap ashtray, A paper cup didn’t pay, Now she has nowhere to sup.

It was great to sit at the dinner table, Especially, the one set by old Grandma Mabel, Her entrees were prophetic, Of the beef roast tast...

They were coming up the rivers to bed, I had one big one take the hook, On fishing he wrote the book, He got away, I got wet, enough said...

My wife said our water-ski trip was the worst, I then felt so bad that I thought I would burst, I said it was sunny, She said it’s not f...

Uncle Joe went fishing with a knife, He missed the fish and ended his own life, Now he haunts in the water, In the guise of an otter, Wi...

There once was a vampire named Maze, She went on a blood sucking craze, Her mom went to a shrink, She asked "What do you think?...

Mabel the muskrat stunk to high heaven, She smelled worse than a skunk by seven times seven, She couldn‘t find any mate, So, she married ...

Tobias Willis Nicolas Short, Was once chief council to the mighty king's court, But, he engaged the king in intellectual sport, T...

There was a young starfish named Zed, Each evening he wet to bed, His bed was not dry, So, poor Zed would cry, Then, blamed his pet catf...

Each July upon the first,  That's when the fireworks begin to burst, It's just three days away, From the official firework's ...

A rattlesnake was on my deck, It was really hotter than heck, He asked me for a beer, I said I had none here, He bit me now I am a wreck...

I forgot to take my meds, When I made my taxes out for the feds, Then, the feds got real mean, Said my statement's unclean, Now, in ...

I found a mushroom near my shack, It was growing juicy and black, It tasted great, That sealed my fate, To suffer a "Wants More...

There was a poplar tree named Karen, For her looks it was not worth starin', When the lumberjack came round, Karen was cut right down...

To find someone to share romance, Bently liked to do a dance, He did a polka-twist, With bent Egyptian wrists, And, finished off with a ...

I had a robot I named Wizard, He was a sentient, eight foot long lizard, He had a big boil, Which burst to leak oil, Which sprayed from ...

I went out on a ledge to view a beautiful vista, Then, got shoved off the ledge by my meanie sista, Well, downward I fell, Got klonked in th...

I have the fortune cookie blues, Because my cookie gave me bad news, At my upcoming weddin' There will be Armageddon, When my in-laws dr...

Hazel was a very polite cow, She would courtesy if the bull would bow, She would always moo “Hi!” When strangers walked by, She was nice...

Well, I can't lament the month of May, I'm just glad the month has gone away, The kids both got sick, My wife left me for some ch...

Today is Memorial Day, So, let's remember those left in the past, And, thank them in our quiet thoughts, For legacies they built t...

My kitty had a squeaky toy, Shaped like a mouse it brought great joy, On the morn of each day, Squeaky mouse got such play, By afternoon...

Computer screen bright, Eyes dry,red,hard to read screen, Read screen,now nap time.

There once was a big swam named Sandy. She liked drinking apricot brandy, She went out on the bay, Drank her brandy all day, Then, slept...

Jim ate some salmon that his ex-wife had canned, Tainted with bacteria, it should have been banned, Jim had the heaves and the squats, Th...

Mabel made a dish of fresh grouse, She made it for her little pet mouse, The mouse would not eat the dish, He preferred to eat only fish,...