LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

THE FEDS, MY FAMILY AND ME

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I got home just in time to take my meds, But, they were confiscated by the Feds, My family accused of being reds, Now, we sleep in ...
Monday, June 24, 2013

RICH GOT A LITTLE TINY PRICK

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Rich got a little tiny prick, When the doctor said that he was sick, The needle was long,  It felt painful and wrong, But, felt ...
Sunday, June 23, 2013

VEGAN NACHO TOMATO PASTE

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My friend Carey gave me some vegan nacho tomato paste, She made it from scrapings from her yard, garden waste, I don't know what ...
Thursday, June 20, 2013

MILK, THE ALTERNATIVE FUEL

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There was an inventor whose name was Larry, He invented a car that ran on dairy, Cheese, milk, and eggs too, Made his car cluck, cl...
Monday, June 10, 2013

THE BIG ROCK COMES FOR US

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There's a great big rock that comes for us, But, We cannot jump off our satellite bus, Our forward road is so clear, Our future...
Friday, June 7, 2013

BACTERIA FIT FOR A KING

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The king took a drink from his favorite chalice, But, the drink was filled with a bacterial malice, The king was a dope, Didn't...
Friday, May 31, 2013

I STOLE A DRUID'S STAFF AND HE STOLE MY BACKWOODS JEEP

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I rode my jeep into the woods and found a druid fast asleep, He had a magic staff that I decided I would keep, But, man did I take a t...
Saturday, May 18, 2013

SIMON CHOOSE THE BOOZE

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Simon had two girlfriends, They both had hair dyed blue, One girlfriend was Rachel, The other one was Sue, Simon's blue haired...
Thursday, May 16, 2013

DON'S PERSPECTIVE AND HIS REALITY

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Don thought happiness was a perspective you turned on at will, Until after he received his very first bill, After he received many mor...
Tuesday, May 14, 2013

THE BOTULISM LIMERICK

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Jennifer ate mushrooms she picked in the yard, Those she didn't eat she froze or she jarred, But with some she got sick, Becaus...
Monday, May 13, 2013

MOTHER'S DAY CHICKEN

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Mommy ate chicken for her Mother's Day meal, She shouldn't have ate it because it was colored teal, Well, Mommy got sick, F...
Saturday, May 11, 2013

MY OLD MARE LIMERICK

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My old mare thought she was a superior horse breed, So, she'd only eat super premium horse feed, Then, she read the ingredient on ...
Thursday, May 9, 2013

THE BROKEN NOSE LIMERICK

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I was watering my garden and pulled on the hose, It pulled loose from the house and I fell on my nose, My nose broke in two places, ...
Monday, May 6, 2013

FUNDING A NEW CORVETTE

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I went to buy a new Corvette, But, found I couldn't afford the debt, So, I remortgaged my house, Divorced my shop-happy spouse,...
Monday, April 29, 2013

DEBBIE JOINED A PICKET LINE

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Debbie joined a picket line to show union support, She was arrested for trespassing and ended up in a court, She got 90 days, Found...
Monday, April 22, 2013

LEPRECHAUN SWEET TOOTH LIMERICK

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A lot of leprechauns are shopping in stores, Buying candy bars and marshmallows for s'mores, But, what is really sad, Is their ...
Wednesday, April 17, 2013

THE TURTLE RETIREMENT PLAN

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Because my elderly shell was all cracked, From my job as a turtle I was sacked, I tried for a pension, But, got nothing but tension...
Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A DEAD PIG THAT SMOKED A CIG

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I went on an archaeological dig, I thought I found a Mummy but just found a pig, He was wrapped up in fine linen, And the pig was a...
Monday, March 25, 2013

AEROBICS WITH EMILY

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Emily signed up to take an aerobics class, But, the time there seemed it would never pass, So, for an after-class treat, Emily we...
Wednesday, March 20, 2013

SWIMMING ON THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING

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It is the first day of spring and I'd like to go swimming, But, the lake is froze over so my prospects are dimming, A cold front is m...
Sunday, March 17, 2013

IT IS ST. PATRICKS DAY WAY UP IN CANADA

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It is St. Patrick's Day way up in Canada, When big foot monsters dye themselves green, Then parade with their kilts and their bagpip...
Wednesday, March 6, 2013

DAN THE UNWELCOMED

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Dan is unwelcome when he shows up at my door, He raids my liquor cabinet til my liquor's no more, So, I keep only wine and beer, ...
Tuesday, March 5, 2013

WILLIE PLAYED BASKETBALL

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Willie played basketball, Even though, he was just five feet tall, He'd go out on the court, And, was a really good sport, Although,...
Friday, March 1, 2013

I'M CELEBRATING MARCH FIRST BY EATING

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It is finally March the first, I have filled up on pop and bratwurst, But, I will find the means, For some back bacon and beans, ...
Thursday, February 14, 2013

THE YEAR OF THE SNAKE LIMERICKS

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PHIL FEARS THE CRITTER OF THE YEAR Phil fears the year of the snake, Those critters make him shake and quake, Bring back the year of the...
Friday, February 8, 2013

DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE BAD MAN

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My Wall Street broker was a very bad man, He stole all my money then, off to Aruba he ran, Now surrounded by the sea, He is complet...
Friday, February 1, 2013

STINKY FISHING

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I wanted to unload my fish catch up at the quay, But, the harbor master said I should stay far away, He said my fish were stinking up the ...
Wednesday, January 30, 2013

ROADS DIVERGE BUT THE CHOICE MATTERS NOT

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Two roads went different ways in the deep, dark woods, I was returning home late with my grocery dry-goods, Down one road a bear growl...
Saturday, January 26, 2013

WHAT A RELATIONSHIP

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Jen and I fought a world war, So, I got up and walked out the door, Then, we each had a good cry, Thought we'd have a new try, ...
Monday, December 31, 2012

IT'S NEWS YEARS EVE AND MY GIRL MARY

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It’s New Years Eve and my girl Mary, Ran off with some dude she called Barry, Even my pup ran off with some mutt, Leaving me watching a d...
Monday, December 24, 2012

WHY CAN'T I SELL MY STOCKS ON CHRISTMAS DAY?

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I went to sell my stocks on Christmas Day, For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay, But, Wall Street was closed down, My family wa...
Sunday, December 2, 2012

THE SATIRICAL LIMERICK

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The limerick man wrote a limerick in jail, It was about the high cost of bail, The judge read it twice, Raised the bail up thrice, So, ...
Wednesday, November 21, 2012

MY ONLINE DATE

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Karen was a zombie pain, Because she bit into my brain, Maybe she tried to flirt, But, her bite really hurt, Finding love online is insa...
Tuesday, November 13, 2012

THE NOVEMBER IDES HAIKU

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November Ides? Gee! Ides? Celebrate? Fear? Party? Day off? Relax? Great!
Sunday, November 4, 2012

OF KITES AND KINGS

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The reign of kings and dictates of the state, Their engine speaks without review of choice, The masses, millions,live from fate to fate, ...

NOW THAT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME HAS ENDED

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Now that Daylight Savings Time has ended, Getting a game of golf in gets me winded, I use to make my holes last and last, But, darkne...
Thursday, November 1, 2012

WHEN SANTA'S JOB IS DONE LIMERICK

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On Christmas day Santa sat smoking his pipe, He had just opened up a can of fresh tripe, His job was now over, Until the end of October, ...
Saturday, October 27, 2012

A SALMON TEASE NAMED LOUISE

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There was a big salmon named Louise, She swam by the pier for a fisherman's tease, The baits were never taken, Until I tried on some ...
Monday, October 22, 2012

LARRY PLAYED THE HARPSICHORD

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Larry played the Harpsichord, He played it like an English Lord, He played it his way, So dull and so gray, Everyone in the room got boa...
Saturday, October 20, 2012

THE BANKER NAMED MEL

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There once was a banker named Mel, He was known as the banker from hell, He stole lots of money, And thought it was funny, He retired an...
Sunday, October 14, 2012

THERE WAS A CONGRESSWOMAN NAMED BELLE

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There was a Congresswoman named Belle, She had plenty of favors to sell, Lobbyists built her a house, Gave a good job to her spouse, Now...
Saturday, October 6, 2012

THE DINGY DONKEY POLITICAL LIMERICK

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The dingy donkey had its say, It kicked and he-hawed until we gave it it’s way, Now we have to starve, So steak the donkey can carve, An...
Thursday, October 4, 2012

A LIMERICK MADE A BANKER LOOK BAD

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A limerick made a banker look bad, But, the banker got even not mad, He took the Limerick man’s house, Bankrupted his spouse, Now, the L...
Monday, October 1, 2012

THE TALL SHIP SARAH SUE PART I

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There was a tall ship named Sarah Sue, It set sail upon the Great Lakes true, It carried copper and gold, And silver I'm told, It ro...
Sunday, September 30, 2012

THE EMPIRE CALLED ROME LIMERICK

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There once was an empire called Rome, It was far, Far East of our home, It was an empire, Then it caught on fire, It melted like it was ...
Friday, September 28, 2012

GENEVA AND THE BLUE JAY

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A blue jay pecked at Geneva's head, She swiped at him but, he had fled, Geneva yelled at that jay, Things no one should say, So, bac...
Thursday, September 27, 2012

BE A WINNER AND GET SOME NOSE HAIRS LIMERICK

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George was mad because he could not grow nose hair, Unlike his wife and his friends his inner nose was just bare, But, George’s brain got ...
Wednesday, September 26, 2012

THERE WAS A SKUNK NAMED AMADEUS

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Amadeus the skunk left a stink in the air, Everyone hated it but, he did not care, One day when he was alone, Amadeus began to grown, He...
Tuesday, September 25, 2012

CHARLIE THE ANT

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Charlie was a little ant, He brought his queen ant sugar, Once he made a big mistake, And, brought his queen a bogger.
Saturday, September 22, 2012

THE AUTUMNAL EQUINOX

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The Autumnal Equinox, Is it time to play with the clocks? No, I guess we must wait, For a new future date, The confusion should be curse...
Wednesday, September 19, 2012

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I have a major motorcycle, It’s called a Marley 101, It does not really go any place, It just looks like I’m having fun, I have never g...
Thursday, September 13, 2012

SEPTEMBER IDES LIMERICK

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The Ides of September are here, This brings us something to fear, Our gardens grow old, The wind brings the cold, The frost makes our no...
Tuesday, September 11, 2012

VETERANS DAY

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Today we honor our military vets, As we have our homes, cars and TV sets, For their sacrifice we all have a better life, Without the tyra...
Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I FELT SOMETHING SQUISHY BETWEEN MY TOES LIMERICK

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Something squished between my toes, And, then a scent rose up my nose, The dog from next door, Soiled on my deck floor, What’s more, I c...
Sunday, September 2, 2012

THE LIGHT SABER NAMED LARRY

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There was a light saber named Larry, He married a phase blaster named Sherry, When they had a son, He was the top gun, He had a blast an...
Saturday, August 18, 2012

MY ROOMMATE'S GIRLFRIEND DESTROYED THE EARTH

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Although this day was very bright and quite sunny, I did not find the day to end up very nice, Because my bad roommate who found it profou...
Saturday, May 26, 2012

THERE ONCE WAS A NATION NAMED ROME

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There once was a nation called Rome, It was far, Far East of our home, It was an empire, Then it caught on fire, It melted like cheap St...
Tuesday, May 1, 2012

THE LIGHT SABER NAMED LARRY

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There was a light saber named Larry, He married a phase blaster named Carrie, When they had a son, He was the top gun, He had a blast a...
Sunday, April 29, 2012

SISSY WROTE A LOVE SONG-LIMERICK

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Sissy Wong wrote a love song but she just could not sing, Sissy tried to sell her song and sang it on the wing, So Sissy took on a partner...
Wednesday, April 25, 2012

IT IS ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS DAY

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It’s Administrative Professionals Day, It’s cake and coffee to ease the brain, A management speech from Mr. J., He always stares at t...
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Leigh Collin Brandt
Northern Michigan, United States
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