LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I went on an archaeological dig, I thought I found a Mummy but just found a pig, He was wrapped up in fine linen, And the pig was a...

Emily signed up to take an aerobics class, But, the time there seemed it would never pass, So, for an after-class treat, Emily we...

It is the first day of spring and I'd like to go swimming, But, the lake is froze over so my prospects are dimming, A cold front is m...

It is St. Patrick's Day way up in Canada, When big foot monsters dye themselves green, Then parade with their kilts and their bagpip...

Dan is unwelcome when he shows up at my door, He raids my liquor cabinet til my liquor's no more, So, I keep only wine and beer, ...

Willie played basketball, Even though, he was just five feet tall, He'd go out on the court, And, was a really good sport, Although,...

It is finally March the first, I have filled up on pop and bratwurst, But, I will find the means, For some back bacon and beans, ...

PHIL FEARS THE CRITTER OF THE YEAR Phil fears the year of the snake, Those critters make him shake and quake, Bring back the year of the...

My Wall Street broker was a very bad man, He stole all my money then, off to Aruba he ran, Now surrounded by the sea, He is complet...

I wanted to unload my fish catch up at the quay, But, the harbor master said I should stay far away, He said my fish were stinking up the ...

Two roads went different ways in the deep, dark woods, I was returning home late with my grocery dry-goods, Down one road a bear growl...

Jen and I fought a world war, So, I got up and walked out the door, Then, we each had a good cry, Thought we'd have a new try, ...

It’s New Years Eve and my girl Mary, Ran off with some dude she called Barry, Even my pup ran off with some mutt, Leaving me watching a d...

I went to sell my stocks on Christmas Day, For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay, But, Wall Street was closed down, My family wa...

The limerick man wrote a limerick in jail, It was about the high cost of bail, The judge read it twice, Raised the bail up thrice, So, ...

Karen was a zombie pain, Because she bit into my brain, Maybe she tried to flirt, But, her bite really hurt, Finding love online is insa...

November Ides? Gee! Ides? Celebrate? Fear? Party? Day off? Relax? Great!

The reign of kings and dictates of the state, Their engine speaks without review of choice, The masses, millions,live from fate to fate, ...

Now that Daylight Savings Time has ended, Getting a game of golf in gets me winded, I use to make my holes last and last, But, darkne...

On Christmas day Santa sat smoking his pipe, He had just opened up a can of fresh tripe, His job was now over, Until the end of October, ...

There was a big salmon named Louise, She swam by the pier for a fisherman's tease, The baits were never taken, Until I tried on some ...

Larry played the Harpsichord, He played it like an English Lord, He played it his way, So dull and so gray, Everyone in the room got boa...

There once was a banker named Mel, He was known as the banker from hell, He stole lots of money, And thought it was funny, He retired an...

There was a Congresswoman named Belle, She had plenty of favors to sell, Lobbyists built her a house, Gave a good job to her spouse, Now...

The dingy donkey had its say, It kicked and he-hawed until we gave it it’s way, Now we have to starve, So steak the donkey can carve, An...

A limerick made a banker look bad, But, the banker got even not mad, He took the Limerick man’s house, Bankrupted his spouse, Now, the L...

There was a tall ship named Sarah Sue, It set sail upon the Great Lakes true, It carried copper and gold, And silver I'm told, It ro...

There once was an empire called Rome, It was far, Far East of our home, It was an empire, Then it caught on fire, It melted like it was ...

A blue jay pecked at Geneva's head, She swiped at him but, he had fled, Geneva yelled at that jay, Things no one should say, So, bac...

George was mad because he could not grow nose hair, Unlike his wife and his friends his inner nose was just bare, But, George’s brain got ...

Amadeus the skunk left a stink in the air, Everyone hated it but, he did not care, One day when he was alone, Amadeus began to grown, He...

Charlie was a little ant, He brought his queen ant sugar, Once he made a big mistake, And, brought his queen a bogger.

The Autumnal Equinox, Is it time to play with the clocks? No, I guess we must wait, For a new future date, The confusion should be curse...

I have a major motorcycle, It’s called a Marley 101, It does not really go any place, It just looks like I’m having fun, I have never g...

The Ides of September are here, This brings us something to fear, Our gardens grow old, The wind brings the cold, The frost makes our no...

Today we honor our military vets, As we have our homes, cars and TV sets, For their sacrifice we all have a better life, Without the tyra...

Something squished between my toes, And, then a scent rose up my nose, The dog from next door, Soiled on my deck floor, What’s more, I c...

There was a light saber named Larry, He married a phase blaster named Sherry, When they had a son, He was the top gun, He had a blast an...

Although this day was very bright and quite sunny, I did not find the day to end up very nice, Because my bad roommate who found it profou...

There once was a nation called Rome, It was far, Far East of our home, It was an empire, Then it caught on fire, It melted like cheap St...

There was a light saber named Larry, He married a phase blaster named Carrie, When they had a son, He was the top gun, He had a blast a...

Sissy Wong wrote a love song but she just could not sing, Sissy tried to sell her song and sang it on the wing, So Sissy took on a partner...

It’s Administrative Professionals Day, It’s cake and coffee to ease the brain, A management speech from Mr. J., He always stares at t...

Jimmy built his house out of wattles, He decorated the indoors with old pop bottles, But, the wind blew really, really hard, The house an...

It is Friday the 13th and we have a new moon, My Aunt Belinda is showing up soon, She’s nothing to dread, Unless she brings her dog Fred,...

Today in Canada it's Easter Monday, Down here in the states we only have Sunday, So, with kind of a scoff, I called in sick with a co...

I was taught to invest and to save, It was the only way to behave, But, things are not sunny, I lost all of my money, Investing dug my m...

My evil twin was born today, On April 3rd near the month of May, To my family he is a blight, He is our evil black knight, And, he's...

Randy was a big tongued Easter rat, He painted Easter eggs with his tongue so fat, He made colored stripes of beauty, Painting eggs he th...

Pete the ogre had a stash, He had some silver coins and a bag full of cash, When a thief would sneak around, The ogre made a hideously lo...

There was a young tuber named Taylor, He fancied himself quite the sailor, His inner tube got a hole, Then, he lost his atoll, He sank w...

My little cherry tree just died, Although I fondled it and treated it with pride, Some say it died diseased with scale, Or from someone’s...

I went snowboarding and ran out of snow, I then started plunging to the earth far below, Looks like my snowboard season is done, I...

In order to make limerick pie, You must kiss a tadpole on the eye, There’s rhyme but, no reason, They are for the ear pleasin’ It’s stup...

There once was a limerick writer named Roy, He thought he was a real limerick boy, But, the odd topics he chose, Along with nonsensical pr...

There was a leprechaun out on my stoop, The little guy sat all in a droop, For his gold came up missing, While a girl he was kissing, I...

It's the Ides of March with a new moon, Don't be shived by Brutus the goon, Caesar wasn't too bright, His bud wasn't tigh...

The Ides of March come on the morrow, They bring to us such benign sorrow, There is no direct threat, Nor warnings just yet, We just fea...

                                                                                             There be nothing quite so dangerous and mea...

The eighth of March brings us a full moon, I’d look but I’d miss my cartoon, It’s not I don’t care, But, it’s Sponge Bob and he’s square,...