LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Sissy Wong wrote a love song but she just could not sing, Sissy tried to sell her song and sang it on the wing, So Sissy took on a partner...

It’s Administrative Professionals Day, It’s cake and coffee to ease the brain, A management speech from Mr. J., He always stares at t...

Jimmy built his house out of wattles, He decorated the indoors with old pop bottles, But, the wind blew really, really hard, The house an...

It is Friday the 13th and we have a new moon, My Aunt Belinda is showing up soon, She’s nothing to dread, Unless she brings her dog Fred,...

Today in Canada it's Easter Monday, Down here in the states we only have Sunday, So, with kind of a scoff, I called in sick with a co...

I was taught to invest and to save, It was the only way to behave, But, things are not sunny, I lost all of my money, Investing dug my m...

My evil twin was born today, On April 3rd near the month of May, To my family he is a blight, He is our evil black knight, And, he's...

Randy was a big tongued Easter rat, He painted Easter eggs with his tongue so fat, He made colored stripes of beauty, Painting eggs he th...

Pete the ogre had a stash, He had some silver coins and a bag full of cash, When a thief would sneak around, The ogre made a hideously lo...

There was a young tuber named Taylor, He fancied himself quite the sailor, His inner tube got a hole, Then, he lost his atoll, He sank w...

My little cherry tree just died, Although I fondled it and treated it with pride, Some say it died diseased with scale, Or from someone’s...

I went snowboarding and ran out of snow, I then started plunging to the earth far below, Looks like my snowboard season is done, I...

In order to make limerick pie, You must kiss a tadpole on the eye, There’s rhyme but, no reason, They are for the ear pleasin’ It’s stup...

There once was a limerick writer named Roy, He thought he was a real limerick boy, But, the odd topics he chose, Along with nonsensical pr...

There was a leprechaun out on my stoop, The little guy sat all in a droop, For his gold came up missing, While a girl he was kissing, I...

It's the Ides of March with a new moon, Don't be shived by Brutus the goon, Caesar wasn't too bright, His bud wasn't tigh...

The Ides of March come on the morrow, They bring to us such benign sorrow, There is no direct threat, Nor warnings just yet, We just fea...

                                                                                             There be nothing quite so dangerous and mea...

The eighth of March brings us a full moon, I’d look but I’d miss my cartoon, It’s not I don’t care, But, it’s Sponge Bob and he’s square,...

A limerick pie is nothing more, Than, stringing words together for, A little fun, Maybe a pun, Or, some wisdom at the core.

March is the month where winter becomes spring? Wow, somebody's brain has had a bit of denting, So how is it warm? When all it does i...

Today is the day we all take a leap, We have to when the snow is knee deep, Leap years make winters so long, Adding a winter day is just ...

Tomorrow is a Leap Year day, Where I leap I cannot say, Maybe in my apartment I will stay, It’s supposed to snow almost until May.

There once was a bad girl named Sandy, She liked to mix her beer, scotch and brandy, But, she was always a  sicky, All the boys  thought ...

Some people are not born to twitter, Because their thoughts are always bitter, And, to no ones surprise, Many who twitter tell lies, Lik...

A monster rat grabbed on my knee, I had to struggle to get free, He ate all my cheese, He's loaded with fleas, I wish the rat would ...

There was a weasel named Willie Hark, He couldn't weasel but, sang like a lark, He wouldn't hunt prey, He would croon all day, H...

There was a bad man named Howard Heard, A witch turned him into parrot Bird,  He ate bird seed all day, Then at night he would say, I...

On Valentines Day I’m singing the blues, For my valentine drank way too much booze, She is running down the street, It’s like a last year...

My valentine wrecked my new car, That will cost her, her candy and star, So, the candy is for me, Her star I’ll let be, As long as she b...

Wayland the Smith was the king of all elves, He worked in Detroit making pistons and valves, He got tired one day, From his hard work at ...

I thought you were my valentine, sweetie, But, I guess you’ve been lately real cheatie, Last week it was Frank, Yesterday it was Hank, A...

Basil really loved Burgundy, That is the wine and not the color, But, for his birthday he got a can of paint, It wasn’t even burgundy but...

The new moon in February 2012, Tells the psychics to put the month on the shelve, It may be a great year, But, February’s days are not de...

My pa’s name was Old Clyde Foots, His third wife Karen was quite the toots, They had an all male litter of nine, This to me was just fine...

When I see the hurricane, I run away, I flee, I do not like the hurricane, Because drowning is not for me, There are those who watch in...

There were two bar maids named Christina, When not serving drinks they played the concertina, But, their music was so sad, When finish...

I could not find a turtle for my turtle soup, So, I went out to see what crawled on my front stoop, I found a green lizard, A snake with ...

I could not find a ground hog, So, I disguised up my dog, But, the people from around, Recognized my old hound, Groundhogs Day went over...

The first of February brings a new season, I say this without any rhyme or real reason, The wind is cold when it blows, Full of ice and h...

I was the one sent to fight the great war, Against the gargoyles and demons and monsters of yore, I called upon the great forest trees, T...

Crazy Jeanie was a tether-ball queen, She could beat any boy or girl because she was mean, She’d pound the ball into the kid’s face, Then...

Ralphie swore that he’d stay off the drink, It would have gone well except for his girlfriend Ann Klink, She was not real nice, And, with...

While Marty was driving his roadster, He swerved to miss an old toadster, He ran right into a tree, The crash smashed-up his knee, The h...

There's a new moon on the twenty-third, It's so dark because the new moon occured, I can't see my toes, That's the least ...

Poor little Molly wet to bed, She was embarrassed so enough said, Then, when she became a teen, She was a beauty queen, She said “embarr...

It’s the Winter Solstice and I’m so happy, The days are short and the nights cold and crappy, Today I froze off my nose, My fingers and t...

This morning I heard two chickens squawk, Then, their squawking seemed to turn to talk, But, what did they say? Was it goodnight or good ...

Jeff lives off the fat of the land, In his old job he was summarily canned, He made macaroni with bows, With the jams from his toes, But...

Wall clock falls down, crash, Splintered wood, glass chards, big mess, Replaced, clock, plastic.

Take time to castigate the ones that you love, Don’t give them a hand just give them a shove, Blame them for you troubles, For the real e...

It’s Friday the Thirteenth today, I think that in bed I will stay, My truck will not start, I fell on a lawn jart, And, I was pecked in ...

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter, He attacked all in family over the media called twitter, He attacked his cousin the monk, ...

I can’t remember all the books that I’ve read, All the movies I’ve seen or the foods that I’ve fed, All I know is that tomorrow, Be it jo...

There was a North Pole elf named Haynes, He was in charge of the candy canes, When the canes would not bend, And were straight end to end...

Come the great post apocalypse of 2012, I’ll get my meals ready to eat dinners off the shelve, I will survive many years, Though I’ll cry...

Soon 2012 will be revealed, Then, we will know if our fate is sealed, Should we have fun? Or, should we run? Or, will our infirmities be...

My present from Santa weighed nearly fifty pounds, I figured it was a TV with audio that surrounds, I opened my present fast to reach my...

I went to sell my stocks on Christmas Day, For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay, But, Wall Street was closed, I was totally hos...

My mom had a porcelain pig, I knocked it on the floor, When it flew into a million pieces, Mom through me out the door,  I then wandere...